If you recognize these 10 behaviors, you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist

Everyone has encounters with self-absorbed individuals, but sometimes their behavior isn’t as blatantly arrogant as you would expect from a narcissist.

You might have a friend, colleague or family member who subtly undermines your accomplishments or shifts every conversation back to themselves, leaving you feeling unheard and undervalued.

How do you discern if these behaviors are indicative of a low-key narcissist, or simply a result of someone having an off day?

I’ve composed a list of 10 behaviors that could suggest you’re dealing with an unsuspecting narcissist.

If these behaviors sound familiar, it might be time to set some boundaries and protect your emotional health.

1. They’re masters of subtle manipulation

Low-key narcissists are skilled at twisting situations to their advantage.

They may not be overtly abusive or belittling, but they know just how to spin a narrative in their favor.

This could involve everything from playing the victim in every scenario, to subtly making you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault.

If you often find yourself feeling confused, manipulated or even responsible for their actions, this could be a sign of their narcissistic behavior.

2. They always steer the conversation back to them

A low-key narcissist has a knack for turning every discussion into a showcase of their accomplishments or experiences.

They may do this so subtly that you don’t even realize it’s happening until you find yourself listening to their monologue.

They might not outwardly disregard your feelings or experiences, but they consistently shift the focus back onto themselves, making it clear that your perspective is secondary to theirs.

If you frequently feel unheard or overshadowed in conversations with them, you might be dealing with a low-key narcissist.

3. They rarely exhibit genuine empathy

One of the most telling signs of a low-key narcissist is their lack of real empathy.

They might display a semblance of concern when it suits their narrative, but they rarely express genuine understanding or compassion for others’ feelings.

I remember a time when I was going through a particularly tough break-up.

While sharing my feelings with a friend who I later realized was a low-key narcissist, instead of offering comfort or understanding, they quickly dismissed my emotions and began comparing my situation to a past relationship of theirs.

The focus was swiftly shifted from my heartbreak to their supposed triumph over adversity. 

4. They are experts in passive-aggressive behavior

Low-key narcissists can be masters of passive-aggression.

Their remarks or actions might come across as superficially polite or even friendly, but there’s often an undercurrent of hostility.

This behavior allows them to maintain a façade of pleasantness while subtly undermining or criticizing others.

Passive-aggressive behavior is a common trait among narcissists because it allows them to express negativity without facing direct confrontation.

If you find yourself frequently puzzled by someone’s seemingly polite yet hurtful words or actions, you might be dealing with a low-key narcissist.

5. They are constantly seeking validation

I had a coworker once, who I now realize was a classic low-key narcissist. No matter how small or insignificant the task, they would always seek validation and praise.

Whether it was completing a simple report or just making a round of coffee, they would always subtly draw attention to their actions, looking for approval and compliments.

It was as if their self-worth hinged entirely on external validation.

Looking back, it’s clear that this constant need for approval was a sign of their narcissistic tendencies.

If you notice someone in your life who seems to have an insatiable need for validation, you could be dealing with a low-key narcissist.

6. They have a superiority complex

Low-key narcissists often subtly exude an air of superiority.

They might not outright boast about being better than others, but their actions and comments often hint at a belief that they are above everyone else.

They may subtly belittle others’ accomplishments or constantly compare themselves favorably to others.

This can be a hard trait to spot, as they often mask it under faux humility or self-deprecating humor.

However, if you notice a persistent pattern of this behavior, you might be dealing with a low-key narcissist.

7. They are intensely envious of others

While they may not openly admit it, low-key narcissists often harbor intense envy towards others’ successes or possessions.

They find it hard to genuinely celebrate someone else’s achievements without feeling threatened or diminished.

This envy often manifests itself in passive-aggressive comments, backhanded compliments, or attempts to diminish the accomplishments of others.

If someone in your life seems unable to be happy for others without making it about themselves, this could be a sign of low-key narcissism.

8. They struggle with criticism

Lastly, one of the most telling signs of a low-key narcissist is their inability to handle any form of criticism.

Even gentle suggestions for improvement can be met with defensiveness or outright hostility.

They may twist the situation to make themselves the victim or turn the blame onto you.

This response stems from their fragile self-esteem which is heavily reliant on maintaining an image of perfection.

If someone in your life reacts poorly to even the slightest hint of criticism, you could be dealing with a low-key narcissist.

9. They have a history of discarding relationships

Low-key narcissists have a pattern of forming and then quickly discarding relationships once they feel they’ve extracted all the value or admiration they can from the other person.

This behavior isn’t limited to romantic relationships; it can also manifest in friendships, professional connections, and even family ties.

They might ghost you, suddenly become distant, or find trivial reasons to end the relationship.

Their inability to maintain long-term, genuine connections stems from their self-centered nature and their constant need for new sources of admiration.

10. They are obsessed with their image

For low-key narcissists, appearances matter a lot. They are deeply concerned with how others perceive them, often going to great lengths to curate a perfect image, whether it’s on social media or in real life.

This obsession isn’t just about physical appearance but extends to their achievements, possessions, and even the company they keep.

They might frequently post about their ‘perfect’ life online, exaggerate their successes, or name-drop influential people they’ve met.

This constant need to project an idealized image is driven by their deep-seated fear of being seen as ordinary or, worse, flawed.

If someone in your life seems overly preoccupied with maintaining a flawless facade, they might be showing signs of low-key narcissism.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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