If you really want to become the most confident person in the room, say goodbye to these 7 habits

We all know a confident person when we see one. It might be the way they walk, for example: purpose strides and a slight strut that isn’t quite a swagger. 

It could also be the way they hold your gaze. They don’t look away when you’re talking to them or avert their eyes at the first opportunity. 

Confident people also speak with certainty: they don’t use “filler” words like “umm,” or “er”. They also very rarely say things like “I’m not sure” or “I think”.

But there are so a number of things that confident people don’t do that makes them command respect. 

Here are seven of those things. 

1) They aren’t desperate for attention 

Most of us know that people are automatically turned off by anyone who is desperate for attention

Confident people know that being yourself is much more effective than trying to prove that you’re important, says Travis Bradberry from Forbes

“People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what—or how many people—you know. And confident people always seem to bring the right attitude.”

The other thing about confident people is that they are what Bradberry calls “masters of attention diffusion”. 

For example, when they’re being given attention for an accomplishment, they don’t bask in that attention or use it as a launching pad to boast about themselves. 

Instead, they will quickly shift the focus to the people who worked hard to help them get there. 

They don’t crave approval or praise because they draw their sense of self-worth from within, says Bradberry.

“Super confident people seek opportunities to celebrate the success of others” agrees Scott Mautz, keynote speaker and author. “I’ve learned that the more praise you give away, the more comes back to you.”

2) They don’t value other people’s opinions over their own

It’s not that confident people could care less about other people’s opinions, they just don’t hold those opinions to a higher degree than their own. 

Confident people don’t try to be people pleasers, says coach, speaker, and author Leslie Ehm

“[They] don’t hold back their beliefs and sugarcoat things. They say what’s on their minds whether others agree or not.”

That’s because they are driven by internal validation. “They don’t need your opinion to remind them of their awesomeness.”

Confident people trust their own judgment because they do their best to gather the knowledge they need to make a good decision or choose the action that feels right, which would also be what they would recommend to someone they love, says Bill Crawford, PhD

“This way, one of two things will happen…either we will be successful, which will add to our self-confidence and belief that we are indeed someone whose judgment we can trust…or, we will find out that what we thought was the right thing to do didn’t really solve the problem or create the result we wanted.”

But either way, because we were willing to trust our judgment in the first place, we can now trust our ability to take what we learned and apply it to future decisions. 

3) They aren’t wishy-washy about what they want 

Confident people know themselves pretty well, so they are tuned into what would make their heart soar—both personally and professionally. 

But not only do confident people know what they want, they also have the gumption to go after it, says Michael Thompson from Medium

“[They’ll] keep fighting for it, even when the odds are heavily stacked against them.” 

Sure, you think, but lots of people do that. 

Thompson says that what separates the truly confident from the overconfident is their ability to seek out advice from people with varying points of view. 

“Not only that, but confident people tend to have the wherewithal to act when presented with a better alternative that challenges their own opinion. It’s not a question of who’s right or wrong,” says Thompson. 

“If there’s a better idea, confident people adopt it, then thank the person for their advice and pay the favor forward.”

4) They don’t get scared by self-doubt 

pic2438 If you really want to become the most confident person in the room, say goodbye to these 7 habits

Even the most confident person in the room will doubt their abilities or something else about themselves from time to time. It’s human and it’s normal.

They just don’t let these thoughts become the norm. 

They also know that not all self-doubt isn’t necessarily a bad thing, says Barbara Markway, PhD

“Sometimes fear is a signal that you haven’t prepared for the big presentation, the recital, or the interview.”

This reminds me of my interview last fall with CNN anchor Kaitlan Collins. Collins has interviewed the most powerful people in the world including Benjamin Netanyahu, Rishi Sunak, and yes, Donald Trump. 

I asked Collins if she ever gets nervous right before these amazing sit-downs. 

Her response?

“No, because I’m always prepared.”

“Practicing what you plan to say and do will give your mind something to fall back on when the pressure is high,” says Markway.

“The voice of self-doubt may also be saying you need to get more information, move in a different direction, or take a break.”

5) They don’t compete and they certainly don’t compare

Confident people consider it a waste of time to compete or compare themselves with other people. 

They know that we’re all on our own path and the only thing to aspire to is to be better than the person we were today. 

Confident people feel that comparison is also the “death of joy,” emphasizes Ehm. 

I like to think of it this way: sure, there may be things that you think are “better” in someone else. Maybe it’s their success or their seemingly exciting life. 

That’s when you should cultivate those qualities within yourself. 

You might think you want someone else’s life, but remember: there are a lot of things about their life —things you really have no clue about—that you definitely would not want. 

Confident people are comfortable in their own skin—so much so that they are secure in their own unique talents and abilities. 

“It doesn’t matter what other people are doing around them,” says Ehm. “They always play their game and aren’t distracted by other people’s approach or success.”

6) They definitely don’t play the victim 

Confidence is all about acting and not reacting, says Joseph R. Sanok, MA, who is a licensed professional counselor, business coach, and author. 

He adds that this helps people feel in control of their lives and destinies instead of being at the mercy of the universe. 

“People with low confidence just let life happen to them and then blame others when things go badly,” he says. 

Sanok says that instead of focusing on what’s wrong, break the cycle by boosting your self-confidence

7) They also don’t see the point in obsessing over past mistakes

Confident people know that ruminating over what they did wrong in the past is a waste of time. 

“Your internal dialogue can make or break you when it comes to confidence because you believe what you tell yourself,” says Sanok.

“So if you’re constantly obsessing over your faults and past mistakes, you’ll feel like a failure and act like one. But if instead you tell yourself that you are beautiful, smart, and can change the world, then you’ll start to act like that.”

8) They don’t blame people for the circumstances of their life

Instead, what they do is take ownership of everything that happens to them, says Kristen Lawrence from the Power of Positivity

“Confident people don’t blame the barista at the coffee shop if they’re late to work or blame their boss if they can’t pay rent. They take full responsibility for their actions and realize they must navigate their lives.”

That doesn’t mean that confident people are super-human. There will be times when they can’t control everything that happens to them, but they know that it’s their choice on how they respond. 

“Confident people take constructive action and don’t wallow in self-pity or play the blame-game.”

Cultivate a confident mindset 

Confidence is a person’s trust in themselves and in their ability to succeed, says the team at Indeed

“Confident people tend to create their own happiness. They are proud of their accomplishments because they know they have worked hard. They tend to speak with conviction and do not usually doubt themselves.”

Picture of Wendy Kaur

Wendy Kaur

Wendy Kaur is a Toronto-based journalist whose work has been published by The Globe & Mail, ELLE USA, ELLE Canada, British Vogue, Town & Country, and others.

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