If you really want to become a more authentic person, say goodbye to these 10 behaviors

All of us are born authentic.

But the world makes sure that we become like everyone else.

In order to reclaim our true self, we need to let go of the behaviors we picked up as we were growing up.

How?

Simply say goodbye to these behaviors.

1) Trying hard to belong

Does your personality change based on who you’re talking to?

Do you laugh just because everyone else is laughing?

Do you do what others are doing so you feel like you’re one of them?

Be careful! This is how you slowly lose your authentic self.

I used to act like this back when I was a teen. I was desperate to feel like I belonged to a group. But despite my best efforts, I never stopped feeling lonely.

It turns out that I didn’t actually like them, or what kind of person they were turning me to. So I stopped trying. And so,  focused on being myself instead.

“True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to BE who you are.”

Remember this line from Brené Brown whenever you’re tempted to change yourself for others.

And as for me? I eventually found my tribe. That would have been impossible if I kept forcing myself to fit in.

2) Letting others make important decisions for you

Be honest—do you let others dictate your path in life?

Do you constantly seek approval?

Do you neglect your own wants because you care too much about what other people might think about you?

Then pause.

You only have one life to live, and you’re not even living like it actually belongs to you!

If you refuse to do anything about it, you’ll end up living an inauthentic life.

Look. They can judge you all you want, but your life is yours alone.

So make your own choices. Don’t be afraid to fail, to learn, and to start over all by yourself.

Sure, don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it, but don’t surrender control over your life in any way whatsoever.

3) Following trends just ‘cause

We live in a world where trends come and go every other month.

Some random celebrity might wear something hip and start a fashion trend that thrives for one month and then dies off.

Or maybe word would get around about how “cool” some company’s tumblers are.

Now it’s perfectly fine to dress in trendy fits or buy fancy gadgets… if and only if you genuinely like them.

But if you’re doing things just because it’s “trendy” and you want to keep up with the times, then you might need to step back and evaluate yourself.

You’re not being authentic to yourself.

You’re doing things not because you like them, but because you care too much about what people think of you.

So stop that habit. Find your own style instead.

4) Kissing ass and people-pleasing

You want to be accepted—to be seen as nice, kind and reliable.

Now there’s nothing wrong with that by itself. Even the least sociable among us want to be liked.

But it stops being good when it starts to turn you into a person who just blindly tells people whatever you think will make them like you.

There’s nothing authentic about being a “yes-man” or a schmooze.

Now you shouldn’t swing too far to the other side and be rude just to be “authentic” either. You can be nice without kissing ass.

If anything, most people actually hate being around people pleasers. They’ll stick around, but they can’t help but think that you’ve got no balls.

So if you stop being a people-pleaser, you might actually end up with better, more fulfilling relationships with people who actually care about you.

5) Pretending to like certain people

The older I get, the more I realize that I don’t actually have to get along with everyone.

I used to think it was rude to be honest about my dislike for certain people.

But eventually, I learned it’s not about whether I dislike them or not. It’s about how I act on my feelings—and it was easy enough to learn how to avoid people without being rude.

Trust me, you’ll want to do this too.

You don’t have to hang around that one coworker you don’t like very much, or hang out with your sister’s bf even if he makes you feel uncomfortable.

Remember this: It’s not your duty to make others feel good.

6) Pretending to like certain things

Pretending to like certain things If you really want to become a more authentic person, say goodbye to these 10 behaviors

Do you feel the need to “appreciate” things that you don’t really like?

Maybe you don’t like jazz, but your best friend LOVES it, so you’ve always pretended to like jazz so he won’t get offended.

Or maybe you think your mother in law’s paintings are just “okay”, but somehow feel compelled to act like her art belongs in the British Museum.

Well, if you want to be a more authentic person, then you need to stop pretending!

You can tell your friend that you actually don’t like jazz that much. Trust me, your friendship won’t change!

And maybe you can be more honest with your mother in law and tell her “oh, this is pretty neat” instead of going “OMG! you’re the next Georgia O’Keeffe!”

Trust me—people can tell it when you’re being fake, and unless they’re severely insecure they’d actually appreciate your honesty more.

But of course, just remember that “I’m being honest!” is not an excuse to be an a**hole.

7) Not speaking your mind

Do you keep your mouth shut even if you have something to say?

When someone asks you “do you have any questions?”, do you stay quiet even if you DO have a question you want to ask?

And when talking about a contentious topic with friends, do you stay quiet because you’re afraid they’ll turn on you if you share your opinion?

Then you’re definitely not speaking your truth, and if it’s about time that you stop holding yourself back!

I used to think like this. I would purposefully stay quiet because I was afraid I’d annoy people by being “too chatty” or that my opinions will get my friends to hate me.

And you know what?

I’ve since learned that good friends will try to understand me, and those who won’t don’t deserve my friendship. And my questions? They’re not as stupid as I thought they were either!

So unzip your mouth! Don’t be afraid to speak your mind as long as you’re not being rude.

8) Bottling up emotions

We worship the concept of the cool, unflappable stoic way too much as a society.

It’s so bad we have people bottling up their emotions instead of actually managing them healthily—all because they think it makes them “better” somehow!

But this is unhealthy.

If you want to be more authentic, you should learn to not just express your mind, but also your feelings.

If you’re feeling down and someone asks you “are you alright?”, then don’t say “I’m okay!” because that would be a lie.

Your emotions are part of what makes you who you are. You can’t be authentic if you’re afraid of your own feelings.

9) Hiding your flaws

You have a crooked nose, you’re bad at math, and are too “weird” for people to handle.

You hate all of these about yourself, and think these are flaws you need to hide.

But here’s an idea— try accepting these things because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Sometimes the things that you perceive to be “flaws” aren’t actually flaws. And even those that are are often more manageable if you’re simply honest about them.

And by accepting who you are, you get to be more authentically you.

10) Idolizing others

Do you try dressing and acting like your favorite celebrities?

Perhaps you like how charming your sister is, so you try talking more like her.

Now it’s fine to admire and be inspired by how certain people act or think.

The problem is when you idolize someone, you inevitably end up transforming yourself to become just like them.

Yes, improve yourself if you want to. But don’t erase who you truly are so you can be like someone else.

Final thoughts

Every single thing that will lead to you living an inauthentic life is rooted in things we all need to do in order to exist in society.

Things like wanting to become likable, trying to get along, or being polite.

It becomes a problem when you push it to an unhealthy extreme—when you start caring about what others think instead of honoring who you truly are.

These things usually happen because you have poor self-confidence.

So if you want to be a more authentic person, you’ll want to learn to be more confident and assured.

Understand your own self-worth. Be proud of who you are.

Give a damn about yourself more than you give a damn about others…because your uniqueness is your gift to the world.

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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