However you want to define success, it requires change, which can feel like sacrifice.
But it doesn’t have to be all bittersweet. Especially if you confront it head-on, or a girl on the internet writes you a comprehensive article on it.
Here are 7 habits you should say goodbye to and make success feel less out of reach.
1) Being indifferent and indecisive
I think we could all afford to be a little more picky.
Because whether you’re into manifestation or not, defining success by how much money you make is not going to help you get there.
We live in a world where you can become rich from exploiting a bunch of people, or going viral on an app. If you don’t get specific about what success means to you, you will end up in one of two situations:
- Becoming someone with no morals and standards or…
Indifference and indecision also come from a place of fear. Fear of failure, rejection, change, whatever it is, you cannot avoid it.
The quicker you accept that the path to discovering your path won’t be easy, the easier it will be.
If it helps, imagine success like a living creature. A baby, if you will. And build that baby from the inside out.
Because we should all know that babies don’t just appear out of thin air.
Feeling blasé about your own life can also show up in the way you allow others to define success for you.
2) Comparing yourself to others
People usually do this in 2 ways from what I’ve noticed.
The first is when they compare themselves to people that inspire them. Which is great! Being inspired, I mean.
But if you don’t have the confidence in yourself to support that inspiration, it will turn into yearning quicker than you’ll notice.
Stop indulging in your daydreams, and start noticing how your inferiority complex shows up in your life. We all have one. So whatever you’re coveting, might not even be a realistic observation.
Because do you really want someone else’s life? Or do you just not want yours?
Figure out how those two things meet. That will help you find out what you really want. And use that to make realistic changes in your life.
The second kind of comparison is also rooted in envy, but it happens in a more general sense.
It’s the one that will make you feel isolated from the world. It will make you think that you have it harder than everyone else.
Like your circumstances are the reasons why you aren’t where you want to be. And the truth is, you might be right!
We live in a very skewed world where your race can determine if you live.
As a minority myself, something that helped me through this was seeking sources of inspiration that didn’t just inspire me to be successful. But also disruptive to societal boundaries!
And you’ll notice that a lot of them chose the path of self-exploration and unapologetic self-expression.
They were flexible, but deeply rooted in themselves.
3) Not liking yourself
This is a little different than believing in yourself, because it requires you to not need reasons to feel good about yourself.
I kept telling myself that the critical voice in my head was trying to help me. But all it really did was validate this idea that I deserved to be mean to myself.
This kept me from enjoying my own company because subconsciously, I didn’t like Me. Why would I want to be around someone that doesn’t like me?
If you want to be successful, it means in some way, you aren’t right now. Which means you want change.
Along with figuring out what you want to change into, you have to figure out what you’re changing out of, as well. And your job is to make that happen without being your biggest hater.
So that means taking a stroll down memory lane, if you have to. Digging deep and unearthing why you feel undeserving of feeling like a star.
Because it’s not just because you’re broke.
4) Avoiding the past
This will be easier if you allow yourself to be patient and see the full value in embracing your individual journey.
That’s the kind of individualism that will help you feel less disconnected from others instead of the other way around.
This is why I find documenting everything so rewarding. Because everything eventually becomes the past, and I kind of feel legendary to look back and see how far I’ve come.
Especially if you’ve had a rough past where you didn’t even want to be successful, it really puts the lore into perspective.
Remember this feeling of seeing parts of yourself that you used to hate with gratitude. This is the kind of flexibility in your thinking that will help you go beyond your tangible goals.
This is like the baby’s musculoskeletal system, by the way. Which they need.
5) Having a scarcity mindset
Cultivating a healthy relationship with money and material possessions wasn’t even something I thought I needed to do.
Like I love money – isn’t that enough?
But as I became more serious about my goals, it was one of the biggest changes I had to make.
Because I used to be a bit of a hoarder.
Mostly with sentimental things, but also with things that I would keep because of my fear of scarcity. Somewhere deep inside of me, I was always preparing for the worst.
It had to do with the way I was raised, but also because I felt comforted by these items. It’s the Pisces in me.
But it was also my way of telling myself these stories where I was someone incapable of being successful.
Even if my reality reflected something else, I wasn’t fully embracing it because my habits were going in a totally different direction. And I was only able to recognize this because of all the unearthing I was doing.
I’m not saying I want to be Marie Kondo, because I still think being resourceful is a very valuable skill I was bestowed with.
But clearing out some of this emotional and physical clutter gave me a lot more room to think in new ways, try new things, and feel a little more connected to my present.
Don’t go out there and spend beyond your means, but definitely don’t spend like someone you aren’t anymore.
6) A lack of discipline
We’re getting a little more practical now. And this is coming from someone who hates being told what to do, even by myself:
Those little moments of procrastination and making excuses for your bad habits are adding up.
A lack of discipline isn’t about a lack of productivity. It’s more about feeling like you don’t have control over your own life. Which personally, sends me into a bit of a frenzy.
This can happen when you feel unmotivated, which happens. Or if you’re like me and have ADHD, your dopamine receptors are just busted.
Here are some things I do to reorient myself:
- Do things that increase serotonin (journaling, sun time, a nice walk)
- Make relaxing a bigger priority than productivity
- Ask for help (for me, it’s with meals)
- Think compassionately, no one is exempt from being in funks
- Take care of my health (seriously, sleep is important)
- Don’t spend my breaks on social media
- Ask for space from people so I can reconnect with myself
And speaking of setting healthy boundaries with the people around me…
7) People-pleasing and lacking boundaries
As you outgrow yourself, it’s normal to feel like you can’t relate to some people like you used to. And from my experience, it’s best if you don’t think too hard about it.
I know it can feel overwhelming because you want your environment to reflect you.
But it’s really important to respect people’s own journeys and not let it influence yours. Learning how to do this will help you feel more emotionally stable in general.
There will also be cases where people react negatively, or reveal themselves to be a negative influence in your life.
For those situations, I suggest standing up for yourself and taking necessary space. It pays to accept that not everything needs a reaction out of you.
Remember that asking for space even in healthy relationships is okay. So don’t be shy about expressing what you need.
Another thing you should keep in mind is to not take advice from just anyone. Especially those that don’t inspire you.
I’ve always felt like there’s a direct correlation between self-doubt and caring too much about what other people think. So taking care to balance this will help you feel more secure about these changes you go through.
And once you feel more settled, consider reaching out to people that feel right for you.
Along with becoming a bit more strategic with my finances, my relationship with success only felt like it was going somewhere when I saw value in something beyond it.
I think that’s how material wealth becomes an inevitable byproduct of being intentional and hard working. That way, I can focus on feeling fulfilled in ways I actually care about.
Like how I could be a more disruptive baby.