If you display these 9 behaviors, you’re the one causing drama in your relationship

No one likes to experience drama in their relationship, but unfortunately for us, there’s also no way to fully avoid it.

That’s because relationships are made of two or more people coming together, and no matter how likeminded those people are, there will still inevitably be disagreements.

And so while we can’t fully avoid drama in our relationships, we can try to reduce that drama as much as possible.

Part of that comes down to understanding whether we’re the ones who are causing the drama, which is where today’s article comes in. Here are the behaviors you’ll want to look out for.

1) You’re constantly looking for attention

If you’re the kind of person who constantly needs attention to feel loved, there’s a good chance that you’re the one causing drama.

It’s simply not natural for us to provide 100% of our attention to anything all of the time. We all need a little downtime, and we all need our alone time.

This means that if you’re constantly pressuring your partner to give you attention, you risk pushing them until they snap, overwhelmed by your unreasonably high expectations.

Of course, looking for a little attention here and there is just fine. It will just become a problem if you never stop.

2) You pick fights for no reason

Some people just love fights, whether they’re physical or verbal.

I had an ex-girlfriend like this, who’d come up with any reason she could think of to start an argument. One of the weirdest was when she tried to trick me into thinking her birthday was on the wrong day and it didn’t work. She then got mad at me for not believing her.

People who pick fights for the heck of it are generally doing so because they find drama entertaining. That’s fine if their partner is on board with it, but in most cases, it just leaves people feeling stressed and depressed.

The TL:DR is that if you pick a fight, it should be because you have a good reason.

3) You keep playing the victim

People who cause drama love playing the victim, because that gives them yet another chance to start drama.

True, sometimes there’s a legitimate reason to play the victim, such as if your partner is manipulative or abusive. When that’s the case, feel free to do so, because you are a victim. Otherwise, remember that it’s not a game.

I think of it as being like the story of the boy who cried wolf. If you keep playing the victim as a way of getting attention and causing drama, don’t be surprised if people don’t believe when you actually are turned into a victim.

4) You blame your partner for everything

Statistically, I think it’s fair to say that whenever blame can be apportioned in a relationship, it’s going to fall in a pretty even split.

In other words, your partner might be to blame half the time, but you’re to blame the other half. Whether you like it or not.

On top of that, sometimes no one’s to blame. For example, if you plan a picnic and then it rains despite the forecast saying it was going to be a beautiful day, someone who causes drama might blame their partner for the rainfall.

The only time that this is fair and appropriate is if your partner happens to be a meteorologist.

5) You don’t accept responsibility for your mistakes

Like we said in that last point, you’re sure to be to blame for at least some of the issues you experience in your relationship.

We all make mistakes from time to time, and that’s okay. In a healthy relationship, everyone admits that they’ve made those mistakes and looks for ways to correct them.

This is often easier said than done, but the important factor here is that they accept responsibility for those mistakes and that they face up to them.

It’s when you don’t accept the responsibility for your mistakes and you try to act as though nothing is wrong that you’ll start to cause drama in your relationship.

6) You talk negatively about your partner to your friends

pic2174 If you display these 9 behaviors, you're the one causing drama in your relationship

When we’re annoyed with our partner, it can be easy for us to talk negatively about them to our friends and family.

No matter how justified this might be, it’s ultimately going to lead to more drama. Let’s say that your partner is drinking too much. Even though you might be right to complain about that, if it gets back to them, it’s going to do more harm than good.

And so instead of talking negatively about your partner to your friends, consider speaking directly to them about whatever issue you’re having so that you can sort things out like grownups.

That might cause a little drama in the short term, but in the long-term, you’ll both be much, much happier.

7) You deliberately withhold affection

I’ve known a few people to do this one too, and it sucks. It’s also super obvious when they’re doing it.

Someone who withholds affection will refuse to tell you that they love you and will pull their hand away if you try to hold it.

This kind of behavior understandably causes a lot of drama, but it can also form the basis for a type of manipulative behavior that will lead you down a dark path.

Sure, if you’ve had an argument, withholding affection might come naturally. But if you specifically set out to do it, that’s never a good sign.

8) You have unrealistic expectations

If you’re in a relationship, you need to remember that your partner is only human.

Sure, the two of you will have goals that you work towards and you’ll have expectations of where you want your relationship to go. That’s a healthy thing to have and a sign of a forward-looking relationship.

At the same time, those expectations need to be realistic. If you’re expecting your partner to make millions of dollars so that you can both retire and travel the world, you’re in for a disappointment.

And it’s easy to see how you’ll end up having arguments when your partner is only bringing in a regular income.

9) You’re unwilling to compromise

Compromises are what make relationships work, and if you’re not willing to compromise then you’re setting yourself up for failure.

If you insist that it’s a case of “my way or the highway”, there’s a chance that your partner will do things your way. There’s also a good chance that they’ll choose the highway.

But the drama really tends to occur when they opt for the middle option and try to convince you to make some sort of compromise. The two of you will just end up fighting.

Be willing to meet your partner halfway. That doesn’t mean that they “won”, it means that your relationship can move forward instead of being stuck where it is.


Now that you know the behaviors to look out for if you’re afraid that you’re the one causing drama in your relationship, you’re ready to actually do something about it.

The good news is that the choice lies with you, and if you want to change things, you can. All you need to do is put the effort in and before long, all of that drama in your life will have disappeared. Good luck.

Dane Cobain

Dane Cobain

Dane Cobain is a published author, freelance writer and (occasional) poet and musician with a passion for language and learning. When he’s not working on his next release, he can be found reading and reviewing books while trying not to be distracted by Wikipedia.

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.