“Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
This is one of the most profound quotes from the famous Irish poet Oscar Wilde.
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be the first kind of person than the latter.
The former—the people who cause happiness wherever they go—tend to have a more mellow personality.
They’re kind and mature, and their presence is such a warm, welcoming reprieve from the world’s struggles.
But what actually makes someone mellow? Let’s find out!
If you display these ten behaviors, you have a mellow personality.
1) You’re a good listener
One of the most important aspects of being a great friend is being a good listener.
If you are unable to make the other party feel heard and understood, your company will not feel like a mellow one.
After all, many people don’t really listen. They just sit there and merely hear—not listen—and wait for their turn to talk.
It’s one of the most important and easiest ways to make someone feel like you care for them.
A big part of being a good listener is knowing when to provide advice or when to simply keep quiet and listen attentively. (Pro tip: ask them what they need from you at that moment!)
One of the most common mistakes people make is always to do the former (providing advice), even when unsolicited.
It might make the other person feel like you’re rushing for them to finish their story by how you immediately jump to solutions.
Some people simply need to let it out!
All they want is a calming presence after a tumultuous experience.
And, in fact, it’s an absolute prerequisite for you to listen and absorb everything to be able to give good advice in the first place!
2) You don’t judge people
However, what separates a good listener from a great one is having the ability to withdraw judgment and have empathy.
More than listening and understanding the other person, it’s the capability to make them feel accepted that makes a great friend.
After all, when someone is opening up to you, they are likely talking about a sensitive or intimate topic. Mellow people will not be judgemental as they listen.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that they don’t have their own opinions. It simply means giving the other person the benefit of the doubt or believing that they have good intentions, even if they might be in the wrong.
For example, even if your friend did something wrong, it’s important to point that out kindly. Immediately labeling them as a bad person is a recipe for a broken friendship.
3) You love yourself
Mellow people are able to give out so much love because they practice self-love themselves. They cannot have a calm, temperate disposition to others if they don’t do the same to themselves as well.
For example, if they make a mistake, they don’t beat themselves up over it. That’s why they don’t do the same thing when someone else confides in them about their own mistakes.
They understand everyone has flaws and limits and that kindness is always a better route to take than being punitive.
This is also why they take both their physical and mental health seriously. They exercise regularly and eat healthily, but they understand the importance of treating yourself every once in a while.
4) You take care of yourself
Similarly, one of the reasons these people are able to take care of others so effectively is because they do the same to themselves as well.
As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
They take self-care very seriously. They regularly…
- Indulge in their hobbies;
- Go to therapy.
…and do anything that preserves their emotional and mental wellbeing.
This is how they are able to remain calm and resilient through their struggles—and how they are able to help those around them with theirs.
5) You’re an optimist
How can someone be a calming, mellow presence if they constantly talk about how the worst will happen?
Mellow people radiate an infectious, positive energy. This is why people feel better just by being around them.
This doesn’t mean that they’re delusional, of course. Being this kind of person requires a certain level of maturity, which, in turn, requires seeing things for what they are.
They look at things realistically but always think of how to make things better. They know things are tough enough—what’s the point of making it even harder?
Instead of crying over spilled milk, they comfort other people through tough times. They lift their spirits and help them make the best of the situation.
Does that sound like you?
6) You don’t expect perfection
Even if they’re optimists, mellow folks are still realists as well. They understand that people are imperfect and that plans can sometimes go awry.
They expect the unexpected. They expect that things can go wrong. They expect people to make mistakes.
Because of this, they’re not as fazed when problems strike. They don’t panic or have overly emotional reactions to unexpected problems.
Rather, their mellow personalities focus on how to make the best out of each situation—even if it is an objectively bad one.
So, if you display this trait–you have a mellow personality, too.
7) You take your time
Some people are energetic, excitable, and upbeat—which is absolutely great! They live life to the fullest and are always trying out new things. They’re what you’d call the fun friends.
However, mellow people tend to be more soft-spoken and take their time with things. This disposition of theirs makes other people feel like they’re some sort of safe haven from the grind and bustle of everyday life.
You can see it in their:
- Tone of voice;
- Body language;
- Personal schedule.
They like to take things slow and prefer to remain grounded in the here and now. This allows them to truly take in everything that’s happening and arrive at the best possible decision.
However, don’t get me wrong!
People who tend to be more animated can still definitely be a great, calming presence to their loved ones, too.
In the same vein, mellow people can absolutely have a fun side to them, too.
We’re just talking about general trends in people’s personalities, but if you find yourself taking your time, more often than not, it means you have a mellow personality.
8) You cope with failure well
Behind their calm demeanor is a strong, resilient heart. Life will obviously have its tougher moments, but mellow people are able to push through them with just as much grace.
Whether it’s breakups, getting fired, or even losing loved ones, they’re able to keep their head held high.
As the Greek stoic philosopher Epictetus famously said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
Don’t be mistaken, though: people with mellow personality don’t bottle up their emotions.
In fact, they fully embrace them.
They let themselves grieve, but they also keep their spirits strong through it all.
9) You love to help people
Your family member can’t find something? Your grandparent doesn’t know how to use the computer before that family reunion on Zoom? Are there problems during the road trip?
Are you the first one to offer help?
Mellow people are almost unfazed and instead try to help people with poise and kindness. They don’t point fingers or sulk, but they instead focus their energy on improving the situation.
This makes their presence not just a calming, amicable one but a reliable one as well.
10) You treasure the present
In my opinion, this is their ultimate secret to being so calm, collected, and warm all the time.
Folks who have mellow personality live in the moment. They absorb everything happening around them and savor each and every experience.
So, in a way, it matters less what the future holds. It’ll come anyway, regardless. It’s the same with the past: what’s done is done, and there is no reason to think about it so much.
By appreciating the here and now, they can remain grounded—stable and resilient.
Here’s one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite authors, Annie Dillard: “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
The only time that matters that we can control is the present. Focusing on what they can control is how they are able to move through life with both grace and strength.
Tying it all up
Do you think the points above describe some of the people in your life? Or yourself?
Even if they don’t, remember that we can all develop these traits!
We all have it in us to cultivate kindness, resilience, and inner peace. It’s not only amazing for our own lives, but it’s one of the best ways we can improve other people’s lives as well.
Now, go forth with strength and grace!