If someone you’re dating doesn’t have these 12 traits, walk away now

Ah – dating.

A whirlwind of happy chemicals that make you stop thinking logically. Which would be great and all – if the dating pool wasn’t such a hopeless wreck.

I’m here to help you snap out of it! 

Because despite being a stranger on the internet, I don’t want you to waste your precious energy on someone who doesn’t have 3 things on this list.

So grab your shoes and dignity because if someone you’re dating doesn’t have these 12 traits, you should walk away now. 

1) Open-mindedness

This is what marks the willingness to consider different perspectives, as well as embrace new ideas.

An open-minded partner will approach you and the relationship with curiosity. Which will allow you to change and evolve without feeling like you’re stepping on toes or inflated egos.

Having this kind of attitude also helps you both to explore new avenues and experiences together.

But I’m also talking about open-mindedness in a general sense where your partner is open to people and ideas that are different.

Like will they be kind to your friends that are marginalized? Or how do they treat waiters?

At the end of the day, open-mindedness goes back to empathy. 

Don’t be that person who stays in a relationship because you feel special from being the only person your partner is kind to.

2) Empathy

Empathy and compassion are what turns strangers into lovers.

And it’s what allows for honest and open communication to happen.

When you have an empathetic partner, nothing is off limits from being discussed. Meaning they won’t be attached to an idea of a perfect relationship that they try to project onto you. 

And they understand that when you communicate your needs with them, it’s you trying to improve the relationship, not hurt them.

They don’t just want to be with you to feel less lonely, they want to be with you to make you feel less lonely by offering warmth and support!

In order to do that, they have to have a level of emotional intelligence and not take everything personally. 

Therefore demonstrating respect for your boundaries.

3) Respect for boundaries

Boundaries create the skeleton of a relationship. 

Without it, you’d just be a meatsack with no support.

And when someone respects yours, it means they see you as a human being with limits and preferences – just like them.

They’ll be willing to adjust their behaviors to make you more comfortable as long as it doesn’t go against their boundaries.

So it will take time to get to know how to work with each other.

But the point here is that if there’s a will there’s a way. And if they will, they’ll respect your individuality and autonomy.

4) Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a blend of empathy and a healthy dose of detachedness.

It’s what allows you to understand your own emotions, but also feel connected to those of your partner.

Signs that your partner is emotionally intelligent is if they’re about to communicate their emotions with ease. As well as an ability to navigate problems that come up in the relationship.

In fact, dating someone with emotional intelligence will feel like you don’t have the same problems as you would in an unhealthy relationship.

The disagreements will be about needing more clarity and understanding. Not arguing about how one person needs to be more consistent or patient.

5) Consistency

If you recognize these signs youve secretly outgrown your relationship If someone you’re dating doesn't have these 12 traits, walk away now

I agree that a relationship will have ups and downs. 

But sometimes, these ups and downs can be one-sided, requiring the one person to hold down the fort.

When your partner is able to be consistent even during the “talking stage” and offer you a peace of mind, that’s a huge green flag.

Another sign that they are consistent is if you feel like you can trust them without needing to offer the benefit of the doubt.

And of course, nobody is perfect. 

But the difference here between a walking green flag from a red flag is their ability to take accountability for their mistakes and short-comings.

6) Accountability

A partner who takes responsibility for their actions and choices demonstrates a strong level of emotional maturity.

That means they don’t shift blame or avoid difficult conversations by deflecting anytime you try to call them out.

We see a lot of children who get caught doing something wrong, how they’ll act sheepishly and try to get out of it by being manipulative.

It’s cute because they’re a child and don’t know any better. But the difference here is that you shouldn’t have to teach someone you’re dating to act like an adult.

Instead, a healthy adult individual who is ready to be in a relationship with mutual respect will admit their wrongs because they’re not afraid to become a better person.

And it’s a huge sign that they’re willing to grow with you and improve the relationship overtime.

7) Problem-solving skills

Life is full of curveballs and your relationship will be no exception.

We just talked about accountability, but I also wanted to bring up that there are so many external forces that can influence your relationship.

For example, financial problems are a huge topic of conflict in relationships. Especially when you start getting closer and build a life together.

When your partner has good problem-solving skills, it means they are willing to put in the work to find solutions that may not be obvious. 

That they are willing to compromise.

It means they see you guys as a team versus the problem, instead of seeing you as the opponent.

So if they treat you like an equal and make time to research, explore and whatever else to get to the bottom of it, you got a keeper.

8) Supportive nature

Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader in life. And vice versa!

They won’t be intimidated by your success and definitely won’t hesitate to brag about you to others about your achievements.

But being a cheerleader isn’t just about being there for you during your successes. It’s also about being there for you when you are in the dumps!

A truly supportive partner believes in you and wants to be an active part of your road to a brighter future.

And they will also make your dreams and goals feel valued because they won’t see your independence as a threat.

9) Independence

If someone you’re dating supports your independence, that’s a great sign.

But the real win here is if you find a partner who values their own independence.

It’s a sign of a healthy self-esteem and identity. And showcases their ability to uphold healthy boundaries in the relationship.

A lot of people date to find someone that will save them. Or someone who will complete them in some way.

But that can get pretty exhausting, especially if it starts eating away at your independence.

Someone who values their own will encourage you to pursue your interests and find new hobbies to get to know yourself.

They’ll have their own set of interests to keep themselves entertained so there’s no feeling neglected or ignored here.

10) Ambition

relationship with emotional manipulator 1 If someone you’re dating doesn't have these 12 traits, walk away now

We can’t talk about independence without talking about ambition.

Ambition doesn’t have to mean someone who wants to get filthy rich and become successful in superficial ways.

It’s just a word that describes the fuel that drives a person to stay passionate about life.

When your partner has ambitions, they won’t give up easily at the first sight of difficulties. And they’ll have a clear sense of purpose and goals to drive them in the right direction.

Meaning, they’ll have more things to talk about than complain about over dinner.

When you have your own thing going, it will be motivating and inspiring to be around them. You won’t feel afraid to soar high and aspire for more.

11) Self-respect

Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and also for the one they have with themselves.

Watch how they speak of themselves and their attitudes toward their past choices. 

Are they proud? Can they identify moments they could’ve done better with grace?

This all translates to how they will treat you in a long-term or short-term relationship. Then take the time to observe how a person spends their time as well. 

Do they engage in self-destructive hobbies? Do they take care of their body?

You don’t have to be a body-builder to practice moderation, and this is where a person’s values can really shine through – or not shine at all.

12) Shared values

Opposites attract for a maximum of 3 years, I swear.

And even if it does work, it’s probably because you have shared values.

When you and the person you’re dating have the same values, it works because you have the same outlook on life.

It’s a common ground that you can both come back to whenever there are moments of change in the relationship. 

Like someone moving or getting a new job, for example.

It’s what can indicate a successful future together if you’re not that far into the relationship yet. Mainly because it outlines what kind of big decisions you might need to make.

And how you’ll both go about it.

Better yet, run

You’ll save yourself a lot of time by not believing in an idea of someone you have in your head.

Think of yourself as the star of your own love story and don’t be afraid to be a casting director, looking for the perfect co-star.

Don’t make a tragedy when you could make the rom-com of the century.

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Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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