If someone uses these 14 phrases, they secretly want validation from you

Ever had that feeling that someone’s looking for more from your conversation than just a friendly chat? They’re after something… but what?

Believe it or not, these subtle hints often mean they’re seeking your validation.

So, grab your coffee, and let’s delve into 14 phrases people use when they secretly want validation from you.

1. “You know what I mean, right?”

This phrase is a classic one! When someone says “You know what I mean, right?” after sharing an opinion or a story, they’re not just checking if you understand.

They’re usually looking for you to validate their thoughts or experiences.

This phrase often serves as a gentle nudge, encouraging you to agree with them or express empathy.

It’s a subtle way of saying, “Please tell me you get where I’m coming from.”

So next time you hear this, don’t just nod along – take a moment to acknowledge their feelings and show understanding. It might mean more to them than you think!

2. “Does that make sense?”

This is another common phrase people use when they’re secretly fishing for validation.

When someone asks, “Does that make sense?” they’re usually not just checking for your understanding.

They might be feeling insecure about what they’ve just said and are hoping for some validation from you.

Remember, it’s not always about agreeing with them. Sometimes, all they need is a nod or a simple “Yes, I see where you’re coming from”, to feel heard and understood.

It’s these little validations that can make a world of difference to someone. 

3. “I hope I’m not bothering you.”

We’ve all heard this one before, and I’ll admit, I’ve used it myself. Just last week, a friend was going through a tough time and I found myself saying, “I hope I’m not bothering you with all this.”

In retrospect, I realize that I wasn’t just expressing concern about overstepping boundaries. I was also looking for reassurance that my friend was okay with our conversation and that they were there for me.

When someone uses this phrase, they’re often feeling vulnerable and are seeking validation that their feelings, problems or thoughts are not a burden to you.

The next time someone says this to you, let them know you’re there for them – it can make a huge difference. 

4. “I’m not sure if I’m doing this right.”

This phrase is quite common, especially in situations where someone is learning a new skill or taking on a new responsibility.

When someone says, “I’m not sure if I’m doing this right,” they’re not just expressing self-doubt.

They’re also seeking validation that they’re on the right track, or guidance to steer them in the right direction.

Expressing uncertainty about our abilities can actually make us perform better. It’s because we become more open to feedback and learning.

So, when you come across this phrase, don’t hesitate to offer your reassurance or share your knowledge. You might just be boosting their performance. 

5. “I don’t usually share this with people.”

When someone says, “I don’t usually share this with people,” it’s not just an introductory remark. It’s an invitation into their trust circle, and it’s a plea for understanding and validation.

Sharing something personal or secret takes a lot of courage. It’s like handing someone a piece of your heart and hoping they won’t break it.

When someone shares something they ‘don’t usually share’, they’re seeking reassurance that their trust in you is well placed.

So, the next time someone opens up to you in this way, remember to tread gently.

Validate their trust by listening attentively, responding empathetically, and showing appreciation for their courage.

Your response could mean the world to them.

6. “Am I overreacting?”

I can’t count the number of times I’ve asked this question, especially when I’m feeling overly emotional or sensitive about something.

“Am I overreacting?” isn’t just a self-check mechanism. It’s also a cry for validation – am I justified in feeling this way, or am I blowing things out of proportion?

When we ask this question, we’re seeking someone else’s perspective to validate our feelings. We want to know if our emotions are valid or if we need to reassess our reaction.

When someone asks you this, take a moment to validate their feelings before giving your opinion. It could be as simple as saying, “Your feelings are valid, but let’s look at this from another angle.” 

7. “I’m fine, really.”

We’ve all heard it, and let’s be honest, we’ve all said it. But we know that more often than not, “I’m fine” is anything but fine.

When someone insists they’re fine, especially when their tone or behavior suggests otherwise, they’re likely trying to convince themselves as much as they are you.

It’s a silent plea for validation, an unspoken request for you to see past their words and recognize their struggle.

So when someone hits you back with an “I’m fine, really,” don’t just take it at face value. Look them in the eye, ask again, show them you’re there and that their feelings matter.

Sometimes, that’s the only validation people need – to know that someone cares enough to see past their facade.

8. “Do you think I’m being silly?”

When someone asks, “Do you think I’m being silly?”, they’re often seeking reassurance that their feelings or actions are justified.

This phrase is a covert way of asking for your validation, hoping that you’ll reassure them that they’re not being unreasonable or over-the-top.

People who worry about being perceived as ‘silly’ or ‘foolish’ are often more self-aware and considerate of others.

9. “I feel like I’m always the one reaching out.”

This one hits close to home for me. I’ve often found myself saying, “I feel like I’m always the one reaching out,” especially in friendships where I felt the effort was one-sided.

When someone says this, they’re not just expressing frustration. They’re indirectly asking for validation that their efforts are noticed and appreciated.

They’re seeking reassurance that they’re not alone in caring about the relationship.

So, if someone ever shares this sentiment with you, take a moment to acknowledge their efforts and reassure them that their feelings matter.

A simple, “I appreciate you reaching out to me, and I’ll try to do the same more often,” can make a world of difference.

10. “Maybe it’s just me.”

When someone says, “Maybe it’s just me,” they’re not merely expressing self-doubt. They’re inviting you to validate their thoughts or feelings.

They might feel alone in their perspective and are looking for reassurance that they’re not.

11. “I’m sorry for venting.”

We’ve all heard it or said it – that apology for expressing emotions or unloading our thoughts.

When someone says, “I’m sorry for venting,” they’re seeking your validation that it’s okay to share their feelings with you, that they’re not burdening you.

12. “Am I making a big deal out of this?”

This phrase is a cry for perspective and validation.

When someone asks if they’re making a big deal out of something, they’re not only seeking your perspective but also validation that their concerns are valid.

13. “Honestly, I’m scared.”

When someone admits they’re scared, it’s more than just sharing a feeling; it’s a plea for reassurance and validation.

They are laying bare their fears and vulnerabilities, hoping you’ll offer comfort and reassurance.

14. “I don’t want to be too much.”

This phrase is a heartbreaker.

When someone says, “I don’t want to be too much,” they’re expressing fear of overstepping boundaries or being overwhelming.

They’re seeking your validation that they are accepted as they are, in all their intensity.

Remember, these phrases are cries for validation hidden in plain sight.

The next time you hear them, take a moment to provide the reassurance and validation the other person might be seeking. It can make all the difference in the world!

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Picture of Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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