If someone says these 6 things on a first date, they want a deep and meaningful relationship

In 1998, when actor Micheal Douglas saw actress Catherine Zeta Jones in the movie, The Mask of Zorro, he was so smitten with her that he asked his publicist to set up a meeting with her. 

At the Deauville Film Festival where Zeta Jones was promoting the film, Douglas met up with her at the bar. At the end of the evening, he said: “You know, I’m going to be the father of your children.”

Pretty bold words for a first date. Some would even say kind of crazy.

But Douglas knew what he was saying—and not so subtly implying—and his words turned out to be true. The couple married in 2000 and they share two children together. 

Even though these words turned out to be prophetic, there are some less over-the-top things a person might say on a first date—indicating that they want a deep and meaningful relationship. 

Here are six they might say.

1) “I’m not looking for anything…casual.”

In her New York Times bestselling book, Calling in “The One”: 7 Weeks To Attract The Love Of Your Life, licensed marriage and family therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas says that when she decided to get serious about having a deep, meaningful relationship with someone that would lead to marriage, she was adamant about dating with intention

She would say point-blank on a date that she was looking to get married.

Whenever she would see a startled look on her date’s face, she would say that it’s not that she was looking to marry them per se, but that was on a mission to marry.

The man that wasn’t scared off by her declaration was the one she married. 

Dating this way is what Woodward Thomas calls “starting with the end in mind.”

Here’s an honest example from a Quora user who did this very thing: 

“I told my wife on our first date that I was looking for a long-term relationship leading to marriage and kids, and if there is any reason why that isn’t a  good idea, or if we could discover a reason why it was a bad idea for us, then we should just be friends.”

Rejection isn’t the worst thing that can happen, he says. “It’s far better to be rejected than to be in a relationship under false pretenses.”

2) “I’m not into playing games”

A person who is dating with intention and says they’re not into playing games knows that early disappointment is better than aimless anticipation.

They want to be straightforward with their intentions and expect the same honesty and forthrightness from their date. 

It’s a wonderful thing to meet someone who has potential. 

“But if the other side doesn’t feel the same, discovering it early on will save both of your hours of pointless, nerve-wracking games,” says Vered Cohen from Elite Daily.

Someone might say this on a first date not because they think you are or will play games, but more so as a way of reassuring you that they’re looking for something potentially serious. 

In other words, they want to lay their cards on the table from the get-go—and that’s a good thing. 

3) “What is important to you?”

If a date asks this question on a first date, it can mean that they’re into you and want to know what you’re looking for in a significant other and what matters to you.

It’s a good indication that they want a meaningful relationship and don’t want to just talk about superficial things. 

Another version of this question might be: “What matters to you?”

It’s a question that requires an authentic response. It’s also a question that should be asked of them. 

4) “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

When your date asks this question once or twice during the date, it can point to their caring and compassionate nature

It can also be an early indication that they want to make sure you’re feeling at ease with them and aren’t feeling awkward. 

They know that first dates can be kind of daunting so they want you to feel comfortable with them. 

5) “Let me be honest…”

Someone who is looking for a serious relationship will want to be honest with you right from the beginning—and they’ll expect the same from you. 

“When you go on first dates, it’s important to show someone who you truly are,” says Jonathan Davis, a relationship expert from HeartWiseAdvice.

“Putting on a facade and not being yourself is a way you could end up in a relationship that’s not exactly right for you,” he says. 

While you shouldn’t expect your date to be “brutally” honest until you get to know each a little more, there could be things about them that could be a deal breaker for you. 

Says Dustin Lemick, CEO of BriteCo Jewelry Insurance: “I would recommend putting it out there on a first date just to clear the air and make sure nobody feels misled.”

Lemick gives the example of someone who works extremely long hours and couldn’t be around a lot, or someone that has strong beliefs and values that are non-negotiable. “It’s better to share them early on.”

Emma Hathorne is a dating expert with a lot of experience at Seeking.com. She also says it’s important to be truthful on a first date but again, not “brutally” so:

“It’s crucial to be honest about your interests, values, and intentions,” she says. 

“However, there’s no need to divulge extremely personal or potentially hurtful information on a first date. Tact and diplomacy go a long way, particularly with a high-value partner—they will understand. If they don’t, they’re not worth your time.”

6) “When can we see each other again?”

“[Someone] looking for a fling will not invest their time in you. If [they] want a relationship, they will make plans to meet you,” says Sneha Tete from StyleCraze.

In the words of this Quora user, a person (a man in their example), is serious about wanting a meaningful relationship if: 

“[If] he talks about the future with you. If he’s making plans or talking about things he wants to do together in the future, it’s a good indication that he’s looking for a serious relationship.”

They continue:

“He treats you well. If he’s respectful, kind, and considerate, it’s a good sign that he’s interested in building a meaningful connection.”

They add:

“He is consistent in his communication and effort to see you. If he is making an effort to prioritize spending time with you…it’s likely that he’s looking for something more than just a casual fling.”

They’ll also want to lock down the next date before you’re out of their sight. 

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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