If someone makes these 10 casual remarks, they’re secretly trying to sabotage your relationship

We’d all like to think that our friends and family are happy for us when we fall in love and bring someone new home. 

But sadly, that’s not always the case…

Jealousy, insecurity, resentment and much more can creep in. And while most people keep these feelings on the down low, they inevitably slip out through the things they say. 

So, be warned. If someone makes these 10 casual remarks, they’re secretly trying to sabotage your relationship:

1) “Do you really think they’re as into you as you are into them?”

Unless you’ve specifically mentioned something to warrant a comment like this, hearing it out of the blue should ring alarm bells.

You see, when someone says this, they’re trying to instill doubt. 

Only you can really know whether someone is into you. You pick up on their vibe, energy, and body language. 

Keep that in mind when someone tries to make you question whether your partner’s feelings are genuine or not. 

2) “I can’t believe how often your partner forgets important dates. Don’t you find that disrespectful?”

Well, Karen, it’s none of your darn business!

That would be my response because I find these types of comments infuriating. 

Yes – he/she may have forgotten an important date, but what if they do everything else right? 

They could be an awesome partner, but dates and anniversaries might be their downfall. It’s not a big deal – no one is perfect!

And a comment like this is designed to do just one thing:

Highlight a flaw and make you reconsider the entire relationship. 

3) “I saw your partner chatting quite closely with [someone’s name] at the party. It seemed a bit too friendly, don’t you think?”

When someone tries to insinuate that your partner is unfaithful or flirty, you’re naturally going to feel an emotional reaction. 

None of us want to hear that our partner was seen cozying up to someone else. 

But that’s where your trust for them should kick in. You know their personality and whether they’d actually do something like that or not. 

Ultimately, a “friend” who says this to you most definitely has an agenda. 

They want you to become jealous. And we all know what problems arise when jealousy creeps into a relationship. 

But what’s even more brutal – they want to chip away at your self-esteem. I’d be very cautious around someone like this. 

4) “Are you sure you can trust them? I’ve heard they’ve lied to their exes before.”

Can’t people change? Just because your partner has a history, it doesn’t mean they haven’t developed and changed as a person. 

And trust me – the person who says this is aware of that. 

But they choose to focus on the negatives. They’re trying to undermine your trust in your partner based on something that isn’t even relevant to your relationship. 

Essentially, they’re trying to sow a seed of doubt in your mind. 

Classic signs of a fake friend If someone makes these 10 casual remarks, they're secretly trying to sabotage your relationship

5) “You seemed so much happier with your ex. Are you sure this is the right person for you?”

If someone regularly compares your current partner to your ex, it’s not a good sign. 

I had a so-called friend say this to me once about my (now) husband. It honestly took me by surprise – my ex made me miserable. 

So I couldn’t understand why she said that. 

But with hindsight, I see that she was resentful from the start. With my ex, I was unhappy so I naturally spent more time with her, complaining about boys and partying. 

When I met my current partner, life improved for me. I still made time for her, but I now had a flourishing relationship to focus on too. 

In the end, she was resentful that she wasn’t the center of attention anymore. And that’s why she started making harmful comparisons. 

6) “They always seem to prioritize their work/friends over you. Doesn’t that bother you?”

Now, unless this is a genuine concern for you, it shouldn’t be a concern for anyone else. 

Because you may have an agreement or an understanding of some sort with your partner. 

For example, my husband has periods where he buckles down to work for a month straight, during which we don’t do much together. But I understand why – he’s working towards our future. 

He also understands that I need girly time and therefore will go on holiday with my friends from time to time, leaving him at home with the cats.

This arrangement suits us both, and our relationship has never been healthier

You see, your relationship is YOURS to decide the rules. If someone tries to creep in with comments like this, it’s only because they want to drive a wedge between you and your partner. 

7) “Did you hear what your partner said about you? I would never let someone talk about me like that.”

First up – if you didn’t hear it with your own ears, don’t be quick to jump to conclusions. 

You’d be surprised at how much people exaggerate or straight-up lie

And it’s very easy to take something out of context. I remember being with a group of friends and overhearing one of them mentioning his girlfriend having put on weight. 

He went on to say, “But so have I, we both love our snacks!” 

Unfortunately, only the first part of what he said got back to his girlfriend and they almost broke up. I’m pretty sure the girl who claimed he called her “fat” behind her back was out to ruin their relationship. 

But it just goes to show how things can be taken out of context and twisted and turned to suit someone’s cruel agenda. 

8) “You spend too much time with your partner. You’re missing out on fun with your friends.”

If someone mentions this phrase to you, it sounds like they’re feeling left out

But hey, this is a part of life. We grow up, we settle down with someone, and our priorities change. 

A good friend will recognize that. They’ll be happy for you. 

But a sabotager will only feel resentment and jealousy.

Instead of suggesting a time to meet up that works for both of you, they’ll guilt you into thinking you’re investing too much time in your relationship. 

9) “Every couple I know who had the same issues as you two ended up breaking up.”

This is just a shitty comment. 

All couples face issues. But that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. 

Because it’s not so much about the issues you have but rather how you both deal with them as a couple.

And a person who says this to you clearly doesn’t have much faith in your relationship. What’s worse is that they’re now trying to pass this doubt and fear onto you.

Essentially, they’re making it sound like your relationship is already failing before you’ve even given it a chance. 

10) “You two argue a lot. That’s not normal in a healthy relationship, you know.”

Continuing from the last point, arguments are, in fact, completely normal

My husband and I argued a TON in the first two years of our relationship, but it’s because we both came from families that didn’t role model healthy communication.

If I’d listened to a friend when they said this to me, I wouldn’t have persevered and seen how much two people can grow. 

Because now, after therapy, many conversations, and 6 years together, we’re over the “big” argument stage of our relationship. 

And the same applies to you. 

If things are toxic, then it’s a cause for concern. But if not, you have every right to fight for your relationship. 

Ultimately, a friend who says this to you doesn’t have your back. 

They’re not trying to figure out the root cause of your arguments. They simply want to convince you that it’s not worth sticking around. 

So, after reading this article, you should now be aware of phrases to watch out for. People are surprisingly crafty and when they want to drive two people apart, they’ll go to extreme lengths to do so. 

My advice?

Cut them out of your life (if setting strong boundaries doesn’t work). You should only surround yourself with people who want the best for you and your partner. 

Kiran Athar

Kiran Athar

Kiran is a freelance writer with a degree in multimedia journalism. She enjoys exploring spirituality, psychology, and love in her writing. As she continues blazing ahead on her journey of self-discovery, she hopes to help her readers do the same. She thrives on building a sense of community and bridging the gaps between people. You can reach out to Kiran on Twitter: @KiranAthar1

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.

0:00
0:00