If someone is secretly in love, they usually display these 10 behaviors

Not everyone who hides their romantic feelings for someone will act the same.

Some will hide because they feel ashamed to express themselves for whatever reason. Perhaps their crush is already in a relationship, or perhaps they’re not ready to come clean.

For some, the fun is all in the chase.

Meaning they don’t want to make it obvious but it’s not that they’re hiding from themselves either. Big Gemini energy for sure.


From all facets of the art of crushing and not telling, here are 10 behaviors someone might display when they’re secretly in love.

1) They are distracted

One thing about love is that it takes up space in our lives – especially in our thoughts and attention.

It can transport one to a world of their own, where they constantly daydream about the object of their affection. 

Reliving memories or getting lost in potential scenarios.

So if a person appears to be off their a-game, but they don’t seem particularly distressed out of nowhere, they might have a crush that they don’t want anyone to know about.

Even in conversations, these individuals might seem like they’re not completely there but somewhere else in their minds that they’d rather be.

2) They are constantly checking their messages and social media

A natural byproduct of being distracted that isn’t applicable to everyone but is no surprise for those that it does.

In conjunction with that daydream-y look in their eyes, they might start obsessively checking their phone to see what their crush is up to.

Especially because social media is where people express themselves and share snippets of their lives on a semi-regular basis.

Now I’m not saying that this affection is necessarily rooted in reality. 

But you can’t deny that when you’re in love, everything a person does just appears more magical than usual. Almost like a drug that makes us giddy like a child.

In fact, this odd dissonance of heightened distraction and enchantment can make them feel further confused emotionally.

But what is love if not a strange feeling that makes you lose your logic and follow your desires?

Even if it’s away from your common sense?

3) They are more emotionally sensitive

To a harmless extent, love makes you more emotional which can leave some people feeling extra vulnerable.

Depending on how you feel about vulnerability, it can make you become more attuned to even the subtlest of emotions.

So a person who has a secret love blooming in their hearts might react differently to certain situations that are related to love and relationships.

For example, they might start resonating with all the silly ways people act in cheesy rom-coms. 

Or start speaking in poetry like they’re Shakespeare minus the tragedies – for the most part.

In addition to their increased sense of empathy and heartspace, they might start being warmer to everyone around them.

Almost like there’s a secret playlist playing in their mind at all times filled with love songs and bouquets of flowers.

4) They are defensive at the mention of their crush

Now, don’t torture them. 

But if you suspect that someone has a secret pining for a certain someone, bring them up in conversation.

In most cases, they’ll react with a certain defensiveness. In both senses where they feel weirdly cornered by certain questions.

As well as they might feel a call to protect the person in question like an unofficial knight in shining armor.

On the other hand, they might react with a coldness to hide their feelings. And react with quick humor or sarcasm to downplay them.

Including but not limited to, ears turning red with a look of panic in their eyes.

5) They play hot and cold

Aforementioned, they might react unpredictably at the mention of their secret love.

This hot and cold behavior could also be reflected in their body language as well.

For example, they might be super nervous whenever their crush is around. Or they might start unconsciously mirroring them!

The bottom line is that they aren’t acting as their usual self. And their actions and words tend to go against each other.

The push and pull could also affect how they interact with their crush. Where they are like a lost puppy one day, then reserved the next.

It might seem childish to everyone around, but those who have been there get it. It takes time before the hot and cold turns to a comfortable temperature.

Which we’ll be talking about next!

6) They find reasons to be around their crush

surprising behaviors that reveal true intimacy in a relationship If someone is secretly in love, they usually display these 10 behaviors

A sign that a person’s feelings are slowly turning tastefully lukewarm is when they find the courage to approach their crush.

And they’ll find even the smallest of reasons to be around them.

Whether it’s by being in the same room as them acting like they have business there, or starting conversations about absolutely nothing.

Quite literally dipping their toes in the metaphorical water before they try to get to know them.

Similar to how they might start becoming more emotionally open in general, they may also start trying out new hobbies that their crush is also into.

Or if they’re really bold, even getting their life together.

7) They feel motivated to become a better person

Now, I believe that people should start their personal development journeys for themselves.

But I’d also be missing the mark if I didn’t mention how love can help us see the best in ourselves. And strive for that version in a more realistic way.

In fact, the way love inspires us to be better has to do with intangible things that only become tangible when we aren’t trying to do it all by ourselves.

For example, you won’t know how to exactly be emotionally available in a relationship until you’re given the opportunity to be that for someone.

That means a person who is secretly in love might be more inclined to improve their emotional intelligence, rather than their bank account.

I’d even say that’s the difference between a person who is obsessed versus in love.

8) They offer to be of service to their crush

When their affections reach a more stable place, they might try to get closer to their crush by being of service.

This can manifest in various ways.

Such as offering to help with tasks, providing assistance when it’s not explicitly needed, or being supportive verbally.

It’s their subtle way of expressing care and interest in their well-being without verbalizing their romantic interest out of fear or shyness.

And as the connection progresses, they might pick up on small details that live rent-free in their minds.

Like how their crush likes their coffee, or even what they’re allergic to.

9) They remember specific details about their crush

Another way love affects some people is how sticky their brains become for all the details about their crush.

They might even ask around mutual friends in an inconspicuous way. Inconspicuous to no one but them.

It’s like they’re finishing a puzzle in order to better connect with the other person.

I see this as a healthy approach especially if they’re consistent with it. Because it’s their way of ensuring that they’re compatible with the person as well.

Instead of becoming attached to an idea or romanticizing the littlest of things.

In fact, I’d say that this marks a growing emotional maturity because you aren’t intimidated by becoming potentially attached. 

And in the long run, it helps them value the depth of that person no matter the outcome of the connection.

10) They have a certain look in their eyes

I had no idea this was a thing until I went to my hairdresser one day and she pointed out how there was a certain look in my eyes.

She then said that people only have that look when they’re in love, or when they start meditating.

And in secretly-in-love fashion, I insisted it was because I meditate. Which wasn’t a complete lie but I wasn’t ready to spill the beans just yet about my yearning.

Looking back, if I had to explain the feeling in a logical way, it was as if I had a sense of genuine peace. Like I had the answers to everything.

Or most things. Perhaps just enough things.

Similar to how mindfulness can give you a sense of purpose or awareness without needing to be perfect.

That being said, that sense of love I felt didn’t end up going anywhere – but that’s for another story.

Now you might be wondering: Is it just love or lust?

There’s no straight up answer to that because everyone loves and perceives it differently. It’s complex, abundant and comes in many forms.

It also depends on the person’s relationship with themselves.

No matter the definition, sometimes we just love someone and it takes time to own these feelings if we want to act responsibly.

So one thing we can conclude on, is that feelings can’t be understood unless you explore them.

Perhaps this list could even be called signs a person is denying undeniable feelings that could lead to love if they accepted them.

Either with another or with themselves – because no love is ever truly wasted when you think of it like that.

Picture of Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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