I think many of us, at least once in our lives, have experienced falling out of love. The question, however, is it possible to fall back in?
Turns out it can be done.
I’ll discuss this – and more – below.
Why people fall out of love
Nothing feels worse than falling out of love. Whether it’s your partner – or you who’s feeling this way, experts believe that it happens because of these factors:
1) It’s human nature
As a Psychology Today article puts it, “humans may actually have a mental mechanism in place for severing the emotional bond between romantic partners.”
In short, even if you love someone to the ends of the earth, there may come a time when you fall out of love with them.
Scary as it may seem, but it’s human nature.
2) Poor communication
Communication is the lifeline of any relationship. As therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw explains it:
“Couples that don’t learn to consciously communicate will face issues when it comes to intimacy, conflict, and relational growth… If you struggle to communicate in a way that evolves your relationship, then you will find that you grow apart over time.”
So if there’s a lack of or poor communication within the relationship, someone is bound to feel lonely and unseen. And should you feel this way, you’ll eventually realize that there’s really no use in pushing through with the relationship.
3) You have unreasonable expectations
When we fall in love, we sometimes put unreasonable expectations on our partners. So even if they’re the best, you may think that she isn’t as nice as I thought she’d be – or he isn’t the ample provider I hope he’d be.
When you think that your partner isn’t fulfilling your unreasonable expectations (although they’re doing their best), you may fall out of love easily.
Being cheated on sucks. A lot of people fall out of love with their partners because they’ve cheated on them. Whether it’s physically or emotionally – the pain of infidelity may be enough for others to throw in the towel on the relationship.
According to the Psychology Today article above, “Men are more sensitive to the possibility of raising someone else’s child, they may be less prone to forgive sexual infidelity than women,”
On the other hand, “women seem less prone to forgiving emotional infidelity—such as when a partner falls in love with another woman, rendering him no longer a “safe bet” in terms of supporting her children (or her).”
5) They feel neglected/taken for granted
I’m guilty of this. My ex and I were in a relationship for so long that I assumed he’ll always be there for me.
Until he wasn’t.
He broke up with me because he found himself ‘out of love.’ All this because I took him for granted.
As one report puts it: when we “feel neglected, the slow process of falling out of love begins.”
6) They’ve grown tired/bored
When your partner falls out of love, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve grown tired of how you look (though it may be the case for some.)
Some have just grown tired of the routine. It’s become too predictable (or boring) for them that they end up looking for it in someone (or something) else.
7) You made them feel terrible
Love is supposed to feel good. But for some people, it could feel the complete opposite.
Of course, even if you love that person a lot, the hardships will make you fall out of love with them.
Take the case of this Reddit poster:
“I realized he made me feel terrible about myself more often than he made me feel good. He was controlling and manipulative, and I was miserable. I started doing and saying things just to make him happy and prevent fights, and even that wasn’t good enough. He always found something to complain about or blow out of proportion.”
In other words, there’s no sense in staying in a toxic relationship.
So…if someone falls out of love, can they fall back in?
Yes. As author Sheryl Paul has explained in her article:
“If the relationship is healthy and both people understand what real love is about, we fall back in love, deeper than before. And then we fall out of love and fall back in love.”
Carolyn Joyce of PsychAlive also agrees.
“The question of whether we can stop ourselves from falling out of love is yes,” she explains. “Staying in love is possible, but like most good things in life, it usually takes some effort.”
That’s why it’s always good to seek the help of a relationship coach.
Based on my experience, Relationship Hero is the best place to find such professionals. Here, I’ve come across professional coaches who are trained (and experienced) in helping people solve their issues. They’re very caring and empathetic too, which is why I didn’t feel like I was ‘consulting’ at all.
And the best part about? My coach gave me advice that helped ‘fix’ my situation. Believe me, I’ve gone through loads of ‘advice’ and hers was the only one that worked.
And yes, I’m confident they can do the same for you!
How to ‘make’ someone fall in love with you (again)
As I’ve mentioned, falling back in love – after falling out of it – is possible. However, certain situations may stop them from doing so.
But, based on what I’ve seen, it’s not always the case. I’ve seen men forgive their girlfriends/wives after being sexually unfaithful to them.
And yes, I’ve seen MANY women forgive their men after they’ve fallen in love with other women.
In other words, there’s always something you could do. So if you want to make things work, then you need to:
1) Look within you
If your partner fell out of love, it may be because of you, not them.
That’s why, according to therapist Michelle Herzog, it’s crucial to look within.
Self-work “includes understanding the parts that contributed to the ‘fall out.”
In other words, you have to “figure out your personal weak spots and the problematic dynamics that contributed to the downfall of your relationship.”
Likewise, you need to reflect on how you made your partner feel. Maybe they fell out of love because their “needs were not getting met” or they no longer “feel challenged,” which made them feel like they’re “not growing as an individual.”
2) Try to break your old habits
Even if you’ve looked well within yourself, you can’t make your partner fall back in love again if you don’t fix the issues that made them run away in the first place.
If you’ve had unreasonable expectations, try to set more sensible ones.
If you’ve taken them for granted, then give them attention – they deserve it!
If they’ve grown tired of the routine, then shake things up!
If you’re a toxic partner, then you may want to re-evaluate your ways.
3) Be realistic
As time goes on, your relationship may not be as ‘lit’ as it was before. There’s work, kids, and everything else in between.
So if you want things to fall back into place (and remain there), then you need to be more realistic.
According to psychologist Bernard Golden, Ph.D., that means knowing that:
- Differences are to be expected in a loving relationship.
- Individuals and relationships can change over time.
- Relationships may not provide unconditional love.
- Relationships should not provide parenting.
- A loving relationship requires work.
4) Improve communication
Good communication, as always, is crucial to making a relationship work. So if yours ended because of this issue, then you should try to improve your communication skills.
According to experts, it’s a matter of:
- Being more open and honest toward your partner
- Observing nonverbal communication signals (body language, voice, etc.)
- Staying focused on the conversation
- Actively listening before you start speaking
5) Prioritize your partner – and your relationship
Many feel neglected, taken for granted, or even bored because they’re no longer prioritized by their partners.
And, if these are the main reasons why your relationship is in shambles right now, then it’s time for you to put your love above all else.
And, to do this, psychologist Robert Taibbi suggests doing the following:
- Checking in with your partner (to see how you’re both feeling about where you’re going and how you’re being treated)
- Treating each other with respect and courtesy
- Scheduling couple bonding time
- Setting boundaries for work or other things that encroach on your quality time with each other
- Making time for intimate conversations (again, communication is important!)
- Solving problems together
6) Seek help from a relationship coach
Some rifts can be hard to fix. That’s why you need a relationship coach to help you patch things up.
As I’ve mentioned, Relationship Hero is the best place to find caring and dependable coaches. Here, you’ll get advice that’s tailored to fit your situation.
Trust me, you don’t want to go to coaches that give generic/templated answers.
So if you want solutions that’ll truly make a difference, click here to get in touch with a coach ASAP.
We, humans, tend to fall out of love. And, when compounded by issues such as poor communication and unreasonable expectations, things can get downhill easily.
The good news, however, is you (or your partner) can still fall back in love. It’s a matter of addressing the underlying issues and communicating well. And, although some may frown at it, seeking the help of a relationship coach always works.
Remember: if you really love somebody, then you should do whatever you can to get them back!