Paul Brian
If you’ve ever met really self-obsessed people you’ve probably observed the following behaviors:
Everything is about them and their status, looks and reputation.
They can’t seem to go a single moment without holding a mirror to themselves and making everybody around them a satellite planet in their orbit.
Here are some key behaviors to watch out for in self-obsessed people.
1) They only get in touch when they need something
Self-obsessed people can get to the point where they’re borderline sociopathic.
They don’t care about the emotions or interests of other people and only get in touch out of self-interest.
This is sad to experience, particularly if this person is your friend or somebody you trusted.
You think they want to talk to you or hang out due to friendship or having fun and it invariably turns out they want a favor.
Sad!
2) They constantly turn conversations to themselves
When you’re talking with somebody who’s self-obsessed, it always comes back to one theme:
Them.
Whether that’s their problems, their interests, their jokes, or their plans, it always has that common denominator.
It’s normal that we’re each the protagonist of our own story.
But with a person who’s unhealthily self-obsessed it reaches a point where they just can’t seem to take any interest in other people.
It’s all about them. All the time.
And if the subject turns to something else they quickly try to steer it back to “Me-land” again.
3) They refuse to consider the opinions of others
It’s not just turning a conversation to themselves that self-obsessed people engage in.
They also refuse to consider the opinions of others.
The most you’re likely to get is a “huh” or “meh” and then they move back into whatever they were saying or doing.
Your opinions seem like static noise to this person and you might feel like you’re not being heard.
To be quite honest, that’s usually true: it’s because you’re not being heard.
4) They constantly post photos of themselves online
Social media and photo sharing has a lot of advantages and it can be nice to see what others are up to.
But for somebody who’s self-obsessed this photo sharing becomes more of a one-sided exercise in posting photos of themselves.
It’s all them all the time.
Any friends who get in the frame are either cropped out or praised and mentioned because they’re with this self-imagined star.
It gets exhausting after a while dealing with people like this and it’s hard to describe in a very nice way.
The most generous interpretation of people who constantly post photos of themselves is that they are immature and insecure.
5) They blame every issue in their life on others
People who are self-obsessed have a lot of issues with taking responsibility.
They seem to imagine they are a royal, or that they can do no wrong.
On the deeper level, this is often actually an insecurity about things out of their control.
But it tends to manifest as pointing the finger.
This is to blame, that is to blame.
They lost the job because of X, the relationship ended because of Y.
What’s it never because of? Them.
Which brings me to the next point…
6) They play the victim to get attention
Self-righteous and self-obsessed people find it very hard to go without attention and approval.
They often play the victim to get what they want and manipulate others.
It’s sad to see, but this behavior is extremely common among people who are obsessed with themselves.
They feel like the ends (them getting what they want) justify the means (hyping up being a victim or acting sad to get attention, approval or agreement from others).
Let’s be honest:
Nobody would play the victim if it didn’t work.
It clearly can work sometimes, and when we’re a child or infant sometimes showing how sad or hungry we are is the only way to have our needs met and be noticed!
But the idea is to grow out of that and become self-sufficient and responsible for ourselves.
Far too many never do: then they start using this child-level psychological reflex as a way to get what they want from others.
The cost is losing their own self-respect and the respect of others.
7) They can’t stand missing the spotlight
If there’s ever a spotlight available, the self-obsessed person wants it.
Whether that means more likes on social media, more recognition at work, a cooler or hotter partner or whatever the latest “current thing” is, they want in.
If that means more Ukraine flags on their window, they’re all over that, even though they have no idea where Ukraine is on a map.
If that means pretending to agree with their boss so he’ll like them more, they’re already checking what hashtags he likes most on Instagram.
I’d love to say self-obsessed people are just going through a phase, but for far too many of them that phase happens to last their entire lives.
8) They gossip and spread rumors to take down rivals
People who gossip and spread rumors to sabotage others are almost always highly narcissistic and self-obsessed.
They are hungry for any bad words or scandalous tales about others because in such buzz they see one thing:
Power.
And by wielding this gossip and talk behind people’s backs they can get the focus back where it belongs:
On them.
When the narcissist wrecks somebody else’s reputation or spreads confusion and anger about them, it makes them feel as though they’ve strengthened their own position.
In reality, this often isn’t the case, but nobody ever said that self-obsession and narcissism are logical.
9) They actively sabotage the progress of others
It’s worse than just gossip.
The person suffering from deep-seated self-obsession will actively sabotage others.
They’ll write bad reviews on a business, intentionally set up scheduling conflicts and do all sorts of other things to try to take down rivals.
It’s not only rivals, either.
They’ll frankly clash with almost anyone who crosses their orbit and seems to be likely to take away from their place in the spotlight.
It’s truly sad to see this level of insecurity and self-obsession on display, but it’s far more common than many people realize.
10) They lie and manipulate to elevate themselves
Self-obsessed people will justify any means to get the end they feel is necessary, which is more attention, time, sex, love, energy and money for themselves from other people.
Part of that often includes lying.
You can see self-obsessed narcissists like Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, for example, lying about their past to paint themselves as epic heroes in order to entice followers into idolizing them.
Building a larger-than-life persona often doesn’t seem like a lie to such people, which may seem strange.
But it makes sense if you think about it.
Imagine you truly believed you’re the center of the universe and that only you ultimately matter:
As such, any extra, fictional details you add on about who you are and what you’ve accomplished are most certainly justified if not even required in order to get other people to understand just how important and laudable you truly are.
Right?
Narcissists anonymous
We’re all narcissists at times.
The difference with a highly self-obsessed person is that they take narcissism to a truly toxic and unhealthy level.
They are so focused on their own gains and glory that they forget everyone around them and the well-being of others.
The result, sadly, is increasing isolation and misery.
If you find that you know folks who are engaging in a lot of behaviors or you find that you also dip into them sometimes, do your best to become self-aware and actively avoid these self-obsessed behaviors.
A little bit of narcissism is inevitable, but we can all help each other improve and have less of it.
