Self-disrespect is unfortunately something that is taught within a person.
And when it becomes a part of that person’s reality from a young age, they aren’t able to recognize that they lack self-respect, until another person mirrors it back to them.
Even then, it might be something that everyone else notices except for the person in that dynamic.
Some signs are more subtle than others, while some are obvious; either way, we should all stay keen on recognizing them.
If someone displays these 13 behaviors, they don’t respect themselves.
1) They have a lot of shame
Chronic shame can cause a person to be in a state of constant humiliation.
It can be something that was introduced into their lives by another person, which conditioned them to feel ashamed even when there isn’t a trigger for it.
A person can also get stuck in a shame loop if they lack the proper skills to process their emotions.
Bottom line is, chronic shame is what can cause a person to turn their backs on themselves.
So a person who lacks self-respect will resort to having toxic levels of perfectionism, loss of identity and high levels of stress.
2) They assume the worst of themselves
Without a healthy self-esteem to support a healthy level of confidence, people who lack self-respect may assume that everything is their fault.
Eventually, these kinds of thought patterns become a part of their belief system.
A mistake isn’t just a mistake, but an inherent flaw that slowly becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So they may not try new hobbies or anything that would require them to believe in themselves.
I also have noticed that people can have a totally different perception of themselves than how others see them.
Compliments or attempts to convince them of their worth may go over their heads. Some may even assume that you don’t mean it and that you were just being nice.
3) They make self-deprecating jokes
Watch how a person speaks to themselves and about themselves.
At some point, their self-loathing can become second nature. Which makes making fun of themselves easy and even fun to do.
This can become dangerous because humor is often how we socialize and find like-minded people.
And it’s harder to help someone see how they’re harming themselves when they have a community that validates this kind of behavior.
4) They avoid deep connections
Not only do they not know how to connect with themselves, they fear healthy connections with others.
Because that would mean other people would be able to see how “flawed” they are.
They may also have a skewed perception of others and assume that they are alone in their struggles. When really, everyone struggles with their self-esteem sometimes.
And a big part of overcoming them is cultivating a sense of community that helps you view life in a more realistic way.
So a lot of the relationships they have may be transactional, surface level, or destructive because they fear being vulnerable.
Which is something that would require them to be aware of their distorted view of themselves.
5) They don’t like being alone
When you are comfortable with yourself, you see your own value and enjoy your own company.
When you can’t, you might jump from relationship to relationship trying to seek that validation.
The reason why this never works, is because a person who avoids themselves will seek people that will dismiss them just as they do.
But they won’t always be aware of it.
So this constant exposure to people that shame them becomes evidence for why they don’t deserve to be happy.
6) They have a hard time feeling their emotions
Your emotions are a portal to wisdom and how you can better understand yourself.
When you are constantly put down and told to be ashamed of who you are, you will naturally feel like your emotions are shameful to have.
Especially because shame is contagious!
So if someone weaponized their lack of self-disrespect against you, you may have felt like turning off your emotions was the only way to survive.
This results in an emotionally unstable person who may have difficulty validating their experiences. And even believe their emotions are a threat to their stability.
7) They make excuses for people that hurt them
Because standing up for yourself would require you to believe that the person that’s hurting you is in the wrong.
Which can be difficult when your shame agrees with the way you are being treated.
A lot of people in unhealthy relationships have a hard time leaving because believing that they deserve better would require an upheaval that they cannot afford.
Or at least that’s what they believe.
So instead of embracing change, they hold onto what hurts them because it’s familiar. And feels right, even if it’s not.
8) They don’t take ownership of their achievements
Being in denial in order to avoid change can really mess with your head.
And in order to validate the lack of respect in their lives, some people will give credit to everyone in the world but themselves.
Similar to how impostor syndrome makes people believe they’re undeserving of their success! Some people take it a step further and will give their power away to others.
Allowing other people to take credit for who they are.
This upholds the illusion that being disrespected is better than accepting the truth, and also diminishes their identity.
9) They can’t make decisions on their own
It’s hard to when you’ve spent a lot of your time and energy believing that you’d be nothing without other people!
And without healthy coping skills to manage your anxieties and stress, it can be difficult to see through your fears or paranoia.
But self-respect and independence go hand in hand because they demonstrate that you have a mind of your own.
A mind that you can trust and value.
10) They have an unhealthy attachment to their past
They could feel a lot of shame about their past choices that make them feel like they aren’t deserving of good things.
Which can make it difficult to show up authentically for themselves and others.
But they may also have an attachment to certain parts of themselves that they glorify in their minds.
For example, romanticizing destructive relationships!
This is to preserve a certain idea in their mind that helped them survive not feeling valued at a certain point in their life.
As well as a result of not knowing how to process emotions properly.
11) They care too much about their appearance
It could be in a self-absorbed and vain way. Or it could be in a way there they care about their image and reputation.
Either way, when a person lacks self-respect, they invest their time into things that jeopardize their self-esteem even more.
It’s okay to care about your appearance to some level – we all do it. But the line is drawn where it becomes your main form of maintaining the illusion of control.
A distraction that keeps you from confronting everything else that makes you feel worthless.
12) They don’t take care of their health
When you are overly consumed by how others might see you, there’s not a lot of effort that goes into taking care of things they don’t see.
So when people don’t respect themselves, they may neglect their health. And even seek cheap thrills that offer temporary relief and satisfaction.
I also view valuing your health as a form of valuing your time. As a general resource, and as the limited thing you have on this planet.
People who respect themselves cherish their lives. If not all of it, then all of the idea of it.
Therefore if someone jeopardizes their safety, or doesn’t show any interest in being here for a long time and a good time…
…they may struggle to respect their life as a whole.
13) They take care of everyone
Except for themselves.
When someone doesn’t know how to properly love themselves, they may tie their self-worth to how they can be of service.
Sometimes, it’s their way of coping with the guilt they have from receiving love from others.
This is where all of the behaviors above come together to form a people pleaser who will exhaust themselves trying to be everything for everyone.
It never ends well, and only drives the person deeper into cycles of shame, as well as burnout.
It isn’t enough to not be taught how to disrespect yourself.
People need to be taught how to respect themselves through genuine role models that can demonstrate high self-esteem and emotional intelligence.
And they need to be shown that kindness doesn’t have ulterior motives. That they can let their guard down without feeling like an exposed nerve.
The good news is that no one is beyond help.
It might take a while, but all it takes is one glimpse into a better reality.
One glimpse that becomes a beacon of hope that can change how a person sees themselves.
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