If a woman displays these 7 behaviors, deep down she’s unhappy with her life

Happiness isn’t that hard to fake.

Put a smile on, keep your conversations surface-level, go home when your social batteries have run out, and drown in misery while everyone around you has no clue just how deeply unhappy you are.

Check, check, check, and… check.

Sometimes, it’s so easy to pretend you’re happy that you even forget the truth yourself. It is only in those lonely moments when you’re in the shower or lying on the sofa that it hits you in the face.

You’re deeply, wrenchingly unhappy. And you don’t know how to find your way out.

The signs aren’t always easy to tell, so how can you recognize whether you or a woman you know is unhappy with her life?

These are the 7 behaviors to watch out for.

1) She seems to have lost her spark

The first and most obvious sign is that her eyes have become dull, her words have lost that enthusiastic undertone, and her whole behavior just seems… off.

It’s like she runs on auto-pilot. There is nothing to excite her, nothing to bring her back to life. All she does is go through the motions and survive.

Day after day.

She may think this is just what normal life is supposed to look like. She may delude herself into thinking this is the best life can offer, and maybe she should just settle for it.

But that’s not the truth. Far from it.

The key here lies in the word “meaning”. According to psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, the founder of logotherapy, every human needs to have a meaning in life, something that fills them with a sense of purpose.

Something that makes them feel like each day is worth it.

If you or a woman you know seems to have lost her meaning, it’s a huge sign she is unhappy with her life – even if she tries to hide it.

2) She always keeps herself busy

Here’s a question for you.

If there’s a gaping emptiness inside you, what’s the best way to fill it?

Do as much as possible. Keep yourself busy. Don’t stop. Keep working and hustling and grinding. Ignore the fact that you’re slowly but surely burning out.

If you ignore just how unhappy you are, maybe the feeling will go away. Maybe distraction is the answer.

I’m sorry to break it to you but this kind of thinking won’t get you very far. Eventually, you’ll have to confront the real issue.

No matter how far you run, your legs won’t carry you forever. “Busyness” is an escape, not a solution.

3) She caters to everyone’s needs but her own

A woman who’s unhappy but struggles to admit it to herself may not only devote all her time to her career or hobbies just to escape her thoughts but she might also strive to look after everyone around her.

Except herself.

If this sounds familiar, ask yourself:

  • When was the last time you truly prioritized your well-being?
  • Do you struggle to say “no” to people?
  • Do you fuss over your loved ones to the point when they get irritated?
  • Do you like to solve other people’s issues for them instead of getting to the bottom of your own?

While helping others has been shown to be very beneficial for our well-being (for example, helping someone regulate their emotions helps us regulate our own), there comes a point when you’ve got to stop butting your head into other people’s business and focus solely on yourself.

Because at the end of the day, catering to others’ needs while ignoring your own is just another coping mechanism. It’s not an effective solution to the problem at hand.

4) She doesn’t invest as much energy into self-care anymore

When you’re unhappy, the last thing on your mind is your skincare routine or the fact that you’ve run out of rosemary oil for your hair.

This makes complete sense, of course. You now have much more important matters to deal with than following a 10-step hair-washing procedure.

This is why changes in one’s self-care habits make for a very easy and observable sign that something isn’t quite right. If you used to spend quite a bit of time looking after your skin, hair, and overall appearance, there’s probably a reason you stopped doing so.

And more often than not, that reason is the simple fact that you don’t feel any motivation to even go to work, let alone oil your scalp or put on foundation.

When a woman’s deeply unhappy, her self-care takes the backseat.

5) She is easily irritable

phrases someone deflecting If a woman displays these 7 behaviors, deep down she’s unhappy with her life

“Anger often works to protect us from other painful feelings,” writes psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W.

This may be why women who are deeply unhappy tend to be easily irritable – they could act passive-aggressive, leash out, snap at their partners or friends, and succumb to constantly changing moods.

Barth explains that our anger is “our psyche’s attempt to protect us from the underlying pain… For your own well-being and for that of your loved ones, it can be much more useful to find ways to manage your anger and tap into the underlying hurt, sadness, fear, and vulnerability instead of acting on the anger.”

Personally, I’ve found this to be very true.

Every time I’m raging about something and decide to peek underneath the layer of anger, I realize that my anger is actually trying to cover up much more painful feelings that demand to be addressed, such as disappointment, frustration, helplessness, or grief.

You could also feel so unhappy with where you are in life that you’re subconsciously using anger to avoid those feelings of frustration and confusion.

6) She hyper-fixates on specific things to get her through

I used to have a friend who was so deeply confused and lost in life that she just… gave up.

Instead of trying to find her way out of the maze, she decided to shift her attention to something she could control: TV shows.

She would spend most of her free time binge-watching TV.  Soon, it got to the point when we had nothing to say to each other because all she spoke about was reality TV. I had nothing against reality TV in and of itself, but I didn’t watch it, so all her references just went over my head.

I’ve found this to be true with many other women I’ve met throughout my life (including me): when we’re unhappy, we choose something to get us through.

And then we hyper-fixate on it.

You might read one book after another, crochet scarfs at the speed of light, go on a date every other day, or show up at the gym so often your muscles don’t get the chance to rest…

Whatever it is, you’re holding on to it like someone who’s drowning and been thrown a life buoy.

7) She isolates herself from others

That friend I mentioned above not only lost herself in TV shows but also withdrew into herself more and more. As time went on, she would isolate herself for days and weeks, growing depressed, anxious, and gut-wrenchingly unhappy.

I tried to help her as best I could, but there was only so much I could do since she didn’t let me in.

The problem is that isolation creates a vicious cycle of loneliness and anxiety. The longer you spend alone, the more anxious you feel about venturing out. Meanwhile, your physical and mental well-being only get worse.

If you can relate to the signs described above, remember that your family or friends are there for you.

There is no shame in reaching out for help – in fact, vulnerability is a strength. 

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Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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