If a man uses these 9 phrases in a conversation, he lacks empathy for others

Empathy is what makes the world go around.

Certainly, it’s the key to the evolutionary success of our species. An ability to put ourselves into the minds of others and imagine what they are feeling is what allows humans to cooperate in the vast and complicated societies we live in.

But not everybody has the same amount of empathy. In fact, some people almost completely lack the ability to imagine what life is like for others.

Unfortunately, these are not people that you necessarily want to spend a lot of time around.

Sometimes, this lack of empathy shows itself in the things a person says. Listen out for these phrases that can tell you a man lacks empathy for other people.

1) “It’s not a big deal.”

This is a classic phrase of an unempathetic person.

Because to them, nobody else’s feelings are ever a big deal.

Now, sometimes, people really do make a big deal out of nothing. Sometimes, we all have a tendency to overreact and blow things out of proportion.

But it’s almost never helpful to have someone call us out on that.

Telling someone that something isn’t a big deal is a way of invalidating their feelings. And usually, when someone does that, all they achieve is making the person they are talking to feel bad about the way they feel.

2) “You’re overreacting.”

Similarly, telling someone they are overreacting is rarely helpful.

Suppressing feelings doesn’t make them go away. But when you tell someone that they are overreacting, it makes them more likely to try and suppress any feelings that they are having and pretend that they don’t feel the way they do.

In the long run, this can be extremely destructive. People will go on feeling bad about whatever has upset them, but they will feel even worse when it seems as though others don’t take their problems seriously.

A man who lacks empathy will often accuse others of overreacting, and then overreact himself to his own problems. That’s because his lack of empathy makes him think that his feelings are much more serious and important than anybody else’s.

3) “Facts don’t care about your feelings.”

This is one you often hear thrown around in political debates.

And it’s popular because on some level, it’s true. Of course, the way you feel doesn’t change objective reality. We all have to deal with the world as it is, not as we might wish it to be.

On the other hand, people who like to use this phrase often have an annoying tendency to center their own feelings.

Often, this phrase is used to invalidate someone’s views and pretend that they are being emotional by people who themselves are just as ruled by emotion and opinion as the people they are accusing.

Facts don’t care about your feelings. But decent human beings do. So when a person uses this phrase to try and shutdown argument, it’s probably because they are seriously lacking empathy.

4) “Everyone has to go through that.”

This is another phrase that may sometimes be true, but is almost never helpful.

That’s because there’s a big difference between someone relating to your problems with a problem of their own, and someone telling you that your problems aren’t real.

This phrase definitely falls into the second category. People often say this when they are trying to minimize the way you feel and make it seem as though you are making a big deal over nothing.

“Whether or not someone is going through something we deem to be objectively “worse” than we are, experiencing heartache is still painful,” writes mental health expert Hannah Rose. “Whether or not there are people who do not have the same privileges we may have, experiencing grief is still difficult.”

That’s why it’s never helpful to minimize something else’s feelings. Just because others have suffered doesn’t minimize our own suffering.

5) “Why should I apologize?”

A proper apology is one of the key signs of an emotionally mature person.

But people who lack empathy often resist apologizing because they feel it makes them seem weak, or because they genuinely don’t have enough empathy to understand when they’ve upset somebody else.

You will often hear this phrase when someone who lacks empathy is challenged on their bad behavior. Instead of making the effort to understand how they have upset others, they will instead insist that they have done nothing wrong.

And often, they will add that the person they have offended is being too sensitive and that they need to toughen up.

outsmart a low level narcissist If a man uses these 9 phrases in a conversation, he lacks empathy for others

6) “I don’t care.”

And sometimes, people will just come right out and tell you exactly who they are.

A man who lacks empathy will often tell you that he doesn’t care. Whether you’re talking about current events or discussing how something made you feel, he will make no attempt to pretend to be interested, and may simply tell you he doesn’t care.

This is especially damaging to people when they are discussing strong feelings. Being told that someone doesn’t care how you feel is a good way to make you feel inadequate, overly emotional, and childish. And sometimes, that’s exactly why these men say it.

Other times, they are just being honest. They genuinely don’t care about how other people feel. But this is a classic example of a time when honesty is not necessarily the best policy.

7) “I don’t have time for this.”

This phrase is frequently used by men who lack the empathy to even try to understand others.

By saying this, they are trying to imply that their time is more important than yours. These men frame themselves as being movers and shakers who can’t get bogged down in other people’s messy emotions.

Yet strangely enough, they always seem to find the time for their own feelings.

If a man is frequently saying he doesn’t have time for this, especially when what he means by ‘this’ is being considerate of the feelings of others, it’s a good indication that he lacks the basic empathy to appreciate other people’s feelings.

8) “You’re so negative.”

This one is a little more subtle.

After all, there are plenty of negative people in the world, and they can really be a drag to be around.

At the same time, accusing someone of being negative can be a useful weapon for someone seeking to minimize their feelings.

Psychologist Jamie Long calls this invalidation. It happens when instead of addressing the source of someone’s feelings, another person attacks the feelings themselves.

Look, being positive is a good thing. At the same time, it’s easy to slip from an optimistic outlook into toxic positivity.

And blaming someone for their negative feelings when things go wrong is a way of blaming them for everything that is wrong in their life.

Therefore, if someone says it, it’s a sure sign that they lack basic empathy for other people.

9) “Stop making everything about you.”

This is another accusatory statement people without empathy often make when others share their feelings.

It’s true that not everything is about you or your feelings. But it’s also true that emotions are part of being human, and it’s okay to feel strongly about the things that matter to you.

When someone says something like this, they are implying that you are using your own feelings to get attention and center your own reactions to events.

It’s a particularly hurtful thing to say to someone who’s been through a lot. Expressing negative feelings isn’t the same as trying to get sympathy and attention from others. Instead, it can be a healthy part of the healing process.

So if someone tells you that you’re making everything about you when you are going through a hard time, it’s a good sign that they need to work on their empathy.

Men without empathy

There are lots of reasons why someone lacks empathy. Sometimes, it’s a sign of a deeper psychological issue, such as a major personality disorder. Other times, it’s simply that they were never raised to think much about the feelings of other people.

But whatever the reason, a lack of empathy makes for a really unlikable person. And when you spot a man using these phrases, it’s a good sign that he doesn’t have the empathy to be a compassionate person.

Clifton Kopp

Clifton Kopp

Welcome to my writings on Ideapod! I'm a bit of a "polymath" in that I like writing about many different things. Often I'm learning from the process of writing. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a comment on one of my articles.

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