If a man displays these 12 behaviors in a relationship, he lacks emotional maturity

They say “happy wife, happy life”.

And what makes a woman happy? 

It’s not gifts and praise (although those things are nice to have)— it’s having a loving, emotionally-mature partner!

That’s why if you care for your long-term happiness, make sure you choose someone who knows how to handle his emotions.

Of course, it’s rare to find someone who’s as calm and collected as the Dalai Lama. 

But at least try not to date someone who has the temper of Kanye West!

In this article, I will enumerate 12 behaviors that show a man LACKS emotional maturity.

Let’s hope your partner doesn’t have them all.

1) Expecting you to always be the “bigger person”

If he shouted at you during an argument, he EXPECTS you to not make a big deal out of it.

If he messed up, he EXPECTS you to not have any reaction and just shut up.

You’re the one always chasing him, always saying “sorry”, always comforting him and understanding him.

Does your relationship feel like you’re starting to act like a mother/ manager and them—a bratty kid? 

Well, you’re clearly with an emotionally immature partner.

2) Needing your attention 24/7

You didn’t answer his call? He’d get grumpy.

You’re both at a party and you got busy chatting with other people? He’d get furious at you for “leaving” him alone.

And if you’re on your phone and he’s talking to you, he’d accuse you for having zero respect!

He expects that you’re always there when he NEEDS attention—which is, well… often.

He doesn’t have the capacity to soothe himself when he feels anxious, worried, angry, and most of all—when he feels rejected by you.

3) Taking criticism as personal attacks

When you say “Babe, I think that shirt doesn’t look good on you”, he hears “I think YOU don’t look good.”

When you say “I think your pasta is a bit soggy”, he hears “You’re a very bad cook!”

It’s as if all he really want to hear is praise because anything “bad”—even said in the gentlest manner— would rip his heart into pieces.

4) Being malicious and petty

Does he always think people are just using him or manipulating him? And that everyone’s a fake?

For example, when his aunt sends him a gift, does he think “Ahh, I know why they’re doing this. They need something from me!”

And is he like this to you, too?

When you praise him for a job well done, does he go “Yeah, right. You don’t really mean that.”

People who are like this have trust issues

Needless to say, if your boyfriend acts this way, he has to sort that out so he can be emotionally mature.

5) Pretending he’s okay when he’s not

You had a heated argument. He’d stop talking completely and do something else.

And when you ask him if he’s okay (because he clearly isn’t), he’d say “Of course, why do you ask that?!”

But since you know him, you can tell he’s just faking it.

Why is he doing this?

Because he doesn’t have the emotional maturity to acknowledge that he’s pissed/ sad/ frustrated. 

He also doesn’t have the capacity to communicate well. He’d rather act distant so you’d woo him because that’s how he usually “solves” conflict.

6) If you’re not siding with him, you’re against him

So let’s say he keeps complaining about his annoying boss.

And while you do “side” with him and comfort him at the beginning. At some point, you started seeing the other side.

You go “But at least he gives you a fair salary” or “Well, I don’t really think he’s wrong here.”

This makes his blood boil and question your loyalty. He’d even get so childish and say nonsense like “Fine. Then go marry my boss!”

Mature partners would never do this. 

They’d see this as your healthy attempt to let them see the other side—which is always a good idea.

7) Finger-pointing

behaviors you didnt realize were driving a wedge in your relationship 1 If a man displays these 12 behaviors in a relationship, he lacks emotional maturity

When something goes wrong, it’s always because of YOU (or other people).

And if you can prove that it’s really his fault, he’d say “Alright, sure. But if YOU didn’t do X and Y, I wouldn’t have done it.”

It’s not that he thinks he can never commit mistakes, he just hates the feeling of being blamed.

He doesn’t have the emotional capacity to not take things personally when others point out their flaws.

8) Holding grudges

Do your ears bleed because he keeps on ranting about his “toxic” father or his best friend who betrayed him 10 years ago?

And do you always hear him say “‘i’ll show them” or something to that effect?

Well, he’s obviously lacking in maturity.

I’m not saying that people should just forget because it’s not easy.

But if his anger still has the same intensity as Day 1, then we can’t say he’s very good with processing his emotions, can we?

And he does this to you, too. 

If you offended him in any way in the past, he’ll remember it and still talk about it.

9) Playing the victim when people set boundaries

To an emotionally immature person, when people set boundaries, it basically means they’re rejecting them.

Well, as long as the boundaries work against their favor, of course!

So when you tell them “Sorry hon, I don’t want your friends coming over tonight. I want to rest.”

He gets hurt and acts like the victim by saying something like “Alright. Why did I even think about it? This isn’t my apartment, after all.”

And then he’d sulk and you have to comfort him for hours because you simply set limitations.

Watch out. It can be his manipulative technique to get what he wants. 

10) Saying anything just to win an argument

Imagine two kids fighting.

One would shout “Your breath stinks!”, and the other would yell back “Oh yeah, well your nose is ugly!”

Well, an emotionally immature partner acts this way.

He’d say random things just to win an argument (or hurt you).

The things that come out of his mouth do not even make sense at all. He just doesn’t want to be the one to shut up because he can’t emotionally handle “losing.”

11) Throwing a fit 

We all get angry and frustrated—every single one of us.

But while mature people know how to manage their emotions, an emotionally immature person would break down, lash out, and throw a fit.

And if you call them out, they’d get even more angry.

They feel like it’s their RIGHT to “express” themselves—like they have no control over their emotions at all.

If it happens on rare occasions, that’s normal. But if it’s a regular thing? 

Then your boyfriend definitely has a lot of growing up to do.

12) Threatening to break up

When he doesn’t get what he wants from you or when he gets too furious at you over something (usually on something trivial), he’ll threaten to leave.

He’d say things like “That’s it. I’m done”.

Or “This relationship is clearly not working”.

He lacks wisdom and emotional maturity to handle the usual bumps in a relationship. 

He also just thinks for himself— “If this isn’t serving me, why am I still in this relationship?!”

And because he’s impulsive, he’d want to leave as if he’s very sure about it. But when he’s calmer, of course he’d take it back.

Someone emotionally mature knows how to process their anger.

And they know that threats of any kind—especially of breaking up—can hurt their relationship.

Last words

So…what’s the score?

Of course, don’t expect your partner to NOT have at least a couple of these behaviors. Let’s face it—even YOU have some of them!

It’s all about intensity and frequency.

If he does these things too often that they’ve become part of his personality—and you’re already suffering from it— then that’s when you need to hit pause.

The good thing is that maturity can be learned with patience, dedication, and a good therapist. And of course, lots and lots of love.

But if they lash out when you suggest therapy, then it might be a good idea to say “Thank you, Next.”

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Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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