We’ve all been there: dating a new man we quite like, but there’s something a little… closed off about him.
You can’t always put your finger on it, because you have a great time together.
You laugh, you feel comfortable around each other, and you vibe well – but your connection has not progressed much in a while.
However, you can’t tell if he’s just playing hard to get or if he’s not actually ready to go deeper into a committed relationship with you
Commitment in a relationship is a significant milestone, and it takes both partners to be fully invested in growing the connection.
If you’re wondering whether he is truly prepared for a committed relationship, you can pay attention to these 12 telltale signs he might not be ready for the level of commitment you want:
1) He’s vague about certain details in his life:
A man who isn’t invested in a relationship yet might avoid sharing about certain things that are uncomfortable to him.
He might not be sure that you’ll be in each other’s lives for the long haul, so he isn’t convinced it’s worth sharing everything about himself or his past.
Keep in mind that this is fine, and not a red flag per se. It doesn’t mean he won’t share more in the future – maybe he just needs to build more trust!
2) He avoids talking about a future together:
Avoiding talking about a future with you is a clear sign that he might not see you in his future at this point in time.
If you’re constantly dropping hints about becoming more committed to each other, but you notice he consistently avoids responding to these hints or laughs them off – it could indicate that he’s not ready to commit.
If you’ve been dating for not that long, it’s OK to take things slower.
But if you feel like you need more commitment from him at this point, maybe it’s a topic of discussion to raise with him.
3) He brings up his ex:
Bringing up his ex without you asking is kind of a red flag that he’s not ready to move on.
If his ex is still on his mind, he may have some lingering emotions about what happened between them and needs more time to resolve that.
It’s up to you if you want to wait around for that – but not for me, no thanks!
4) He keeps his options open:
A man who is serious about commitment will naturally start narrowing down his romantic options.
He will want to do this because his search for the woman to invest his time into is over.
However, if he’s still actively pursuing other potential partners or seems hesitant to let go of dating apps and profiles, he may not be fully committed to you.
5) His communication is inconsistent
So sometimes he replies fast, but other times he takes a day or more, you say?
A man who is ready for commitment will make time to despite how busy he might be. If he’s truly wrapped up, you’d be on the forefront of his mind when he does have a moment – and will make sure you know this.
He will communicate his genuine remorse that he couldn’t respond sooner.
So if he frequently goes silent without any sign of urgency when he comes back to communicate with you or seems nonchalant about his disappearance, it may signify that he’s not ready to prioritize the relationship.
6) He’s emotionally unavailable:
Emotional availability and vulnerability are key in a committed relationship.
If a man is emotionally distant, avoids discussing feelings, or shuts down when conversations become emotional, he may not be ready for the emotional intimacy that commitment entails.
Just know, you should never have to ask a man who is ready for commitment for emotional support or presence.
7) He avoids meeting each other’s social circles:
Do you invite him over to meet your friends or family, but he always has excuses not to show up?
Or, do you ask to come along to a family barbeque he’s having, but he plays it off by saying you wouldn’t enjoy it?
Yeah… it’s highly reasonable to suspect that he’s not ready to merge lives and wants to keep things the way they are.
If your partner consistently avoids or resists these gatherings, it could indicate that he’s not ready to integrate his life with yours on a deeper level.
8) He disappears after there is a disagreement:
Sometimes, a man who isn’t committed will disappear or ask for space after a disagreement or uncomfortable moment, rather than talk things out.
Someone who is interested in a committed relationship knows that conflict resolution is an important part of a healthy relationship – and that the silent treatment is unhelpful in relationship building.
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and how couples handle disagreements is a crucial aspect of commitment.
If he consistently avoids or dismisses conflicts rather than working through them with you, it indicates a lack of readiness for the emotional growth that commitment requires.
9) He seems to just want to do one thing:
While physical intimacy is natural when you’re attracted to someone, if you have deeper feelings for them, you’ll want to do other things with them too.
A man who wants to commit will want to experience other things with you that life has to offer: going on dates, having deep conversations, going to social events, or relaxing together.
So if you’re getting more of a ‘friends with benefits’ vibe from him, he’s probably not thinking about being a long-term partner in your life.
10) He is unreliable when it comes to commitments:
Reliability and consistency are hallmarks of a committed partner.
If a man frequently cancels plans, breaks promises, or fails to follow through on commitments, it may signify a lack of readiness for the responsibilities that come with a committed relationship.
He’s prioritizing everything else in his life over his promises to you, and that shows he isn’t able to put you and your feelings first.
11) He doesn’t make an effort to bring you joy:
A man who truly cares about you and wants to be around you for the long term wants to see you smiling and happy.
If he consistently neglects your emotional needs, disregards your feelings, or doesn’t make any effort to bring joy to your life, he may not be the right one.
Simple as that.
12) He doesn’t invite you into his home:
Let’s be honest.
It doesn’t matter how someone’s apartment looks, inviting someone into your home is a big indicator of trust and desire to open up to you.
So if a man you’ve been dating for some time keeps making up reasons not to let you into his home, and seems to value personal space above all else – he’s probably trying to hide something of himself.
This could be coming from a number of sources: shame, or unworthiness, or he could be simply hiding something he doesn’t want you to know. But any one of those sources indicates he’s not ready to show all his cards.
And going into a committed relationship requires both parties to show their cards!
If you notice several of these behaviors in the man you’re dating, it may be a sign that he’s not currently prepared for the level of commitment you want.
However, it’s important to approach this situation with open and honest communication. Talk to him about your desires, expectations, and concerns.
Understand that people can change, and some may require more time and experience to be ready for a committed relationship – everyone has a different timeline that is right for them.
Also, keep in mind that even the “right” person at the wrong time is not the right person for you.
A successful, committed relationship is built on mutual readiness, trust, and shared goals. If he’s not able to reciprocate this readiness or work towards becoming ready, then someone else out there will be more aligned with you.
Whenever you feel an alignment in intentions for a committed relationship, you won’t question it! It will usually unfold very naturally when two people are on the same page emotionally.
So look out for that feeling of ease, mutual trust, understanding, consistency, support, and communication before you decide to lock into a committed relationship.