There’s a significant difference between a man genuinely caring for you and just using you to stroke his ego.
This distinction boils down to respect.
If a man is using you, there’s a hidden agenda behind his actions, and it’s all about boosting his self-confidence.
On the flip side, a man who truly cares will respect your choices and emotions, without any ulterior motives.
Identifying these behaviors is key to ensuring you’re not being used as an ego enhancer.
And trust me, there are certain signs that can help you spot a man who is just using you for an ego boost.
Let’s delve into these 9 behaviors, so you can protect your heart and your self-worth.
1) He’s always fishing for compliments
There’s nothing wrong with a man who appreciates hearing uplifting words about himself once in a while.
It’s normal to want affirmation from someone you care about.
However, if he’s constantly seeking validation and fishing for compliments, then this could be a red flag.
This behavior may indicate that he’s not genuinely interested in you, but rather using you to boost his self-esteem.
He’s leveraging your affection to make himself feel better, turning the relationship into a one-way street.
It might be subtle; he could be downplaying his achievements just to hear you praise him or constantly asking you about how good he looks or how smart he is.
A healthy relationship should be about mutual support and admiration, not just one person constantly feeding the other’s ego.
When a man is genuinely interested in you, he won’t use you as an ego prop.
He would value your words but wouldn’t constantly seek validation from you.
2) He’s only around when he needs something
In my own experience, I once dated a guy who would only show up when he needed a favor or wanted to share his latest achievements.
He was full of charm and sweet words, but the pattern became clear over time.
When things were going well for him, he was all over me, proudly sharing his successes and soaking up my praises.
But when I needed emotional support or simply wanted to spend quality time with him, he was nowhere to be found.
It felt like I was just a cheerleader in his life, not a valued partner.
It was as if he was using me to make himself feel better during his highs and completely ignoring me during his lows.
This is a classic sign of someone who’s using you for an ego boost.
The relationship shouldn’t be a convenience store for him to visit only when he wants to feel good about himself.
It took me some time to realize this, but once I did, I understood that I deserved someone who valued me for more than just boosting their ego.
3) He’s territorial but not committed
Exclusivity is a common expectation in romantic relationships.
But when a man becomes possessive or territorial without committing, it might be an ego issue rather than genuine affection.
Men who feel insecure about their masculinity tend to exhibit more possessive and jealous behaviors.
This is often because they perceive their partners as symbols of their status and success.
So, if he becomes jealous or territorial when other men show you attention but shies away from defining the relationship or making a commitment, he might be using you to boost his ego.
In such cases, he’s not interested in you as an individual with feelings and needs but rather sees you as an object that validates his masculinity and status.
A man who truly cares will respect your autonomy and will be clear about his intentions and commitment level.
4) He rarely initiates contact
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
But if you’re the one always initiating contact, while he only responds when it suits him, then that’s a red flag.
If a man is genuinely interested, he will make an effort to reach out to you, ask about your day, and show interest in your life.
It won’t be a one-sided effort where you’re constantly trying to keep the conversation going.
But if he only comes around when he wants a confidence boost or needs someone to listen to his achievements or problems, then he’s using you as an ego prop.
True interest isn’t sporadic or convenience-based.
It’s consistent and reciprocal.
If he’s not putting in the effort to communicate, it might be time to reconsider his place in your life.
5) He’s overly focused on physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is a beautiful part of a loving relationship, but when a man overly focuses on it, it might be a sign that he’s using you for an ego boost.
If he’s more interested in getting physical rather than getting to know you, investing time in your shared interests, or having meaningful conversations, then he’s likely not valuing you as a person but rather as an object that can satisfy his needs and boost his ego.
A man who truly cares about you will respect your boundaries and will want to connect with you emotionally and mentally, not just physically.
If he’s only showing up for physical intimacy, then it’s time to question his motives and consider if he truly values you for who you are.
6) He dismisses your feelings
When you’re in a relationship with someone who genuinely cares for you, your feelings matter to them.
They listen, they empathize, and they validate your emotions.
But when a man dismisses your feelings or belittles your concerns, it’s a clear sign he’s using you to boost his ego.
He’s not interested in understanding or supporting you; he’s more interested in maintaining his own comfort and superiority.
In such cases, he might ignore or trivialize your feelings, making you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.
This is not just disrespectful but also emotionally damaging.
You deserve to be with someone who values your feelings, who listens when you express yourself, and who treats you with respect and kindness.
Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
It’s not about their ego; it’s about mutual respect and understanding.
7) He doesn’t include you in his future plans
I remember being with someone who would always talk about his future, his dreams, his goals, but somehow, I was never a part of them.
He had plans for advancing his career, traveling the world, even buying a house—but he always spoke in terms of ‘I’ and ‘me,’ never ‘we’ or ‘us.’
It was as if I was a passenger in his life, not a co-pilot.
I felt like a temporary pit stop in his journey, not a destination.
If a man sees you as an ego boost, he won’t see you as part of his future.
He might enjoy your company now, revel in the admiration you give him, but when it comes to planning for the future, he doesn’t factor you in.
A man who genuinely cares about you will make plans with you.
He’ll talk about the future in terms of ‘we,’ and include you in his dreams and ambitions.
8) He’s inconsistent
Inconsistency is one of the clearest signs that a man might be using you for an ego boost.
One day, he’s all over you, showering you with attention and affection.
The next day, he’s distant, unresponsive, or dismissive.
This kind of hot and cold behavior can be confusing and emotionally draining.
It’s often a sign that he’s not genuinely invested in the relationship but is just using it to fulfill his needs or boost his ego.
Someone who truly values you will be consistent in their actions and emotions.
They won’t leave you guessing about their feelings or intentions.
9) He never takes responsibility
Taking responsibility for one’s actions and apologizing when wrong is a sign of maturity and respect.
If a man never admits his mistakes, always blames others, or makes you feel like everything is your fault, he’s not valuing you as an equal partner.
He’s using you to maintain his image of perfection and to boost his ego.
It’s not about you or the relationship; it’s about him avoiding accountability and preserving his self-esteem.
Everyone makes mistakes, but the willingness to accept them and make amends is what sets a genuine person apart from someone who’s just using you for an ego boost.
It’s about self-worth
Navigating the terrain of relationships can be complex, but recognizing the signs of someone using you for an ego boost is crucial for emotional well-being.
If you recognize these behaviors in a man you’re involved with, remember that it’s not a reflection of your worth but rather his inability to see it.
You deserve a relationship where you’re valued for who you are, not just for the ego boost you provide.
It’s about mutual respect, genuine affection, and shared growth, not one-sided benefits.
As author and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer once said, “Your worth is not established by teaching or learning. Your worth is established by God. Your function on Earth is not to justify or defend it.”
So reflect on these signs, and remember to prioritize your self-worth above someone else’s ego needs.
