How do you know someone really loves you?
Sure, they may tell you. But talk is cheap. The world is full of people who are happy to exaggerate or even straight-up lie about their feelings to get what they want from you.
On the other hand, there are also lots of people – me included – who have a very hard time talking about their feelings. And the deeper the feeling, the harder it can be to talk about.
Men are often taught from an early age that they need to hide their feelings from the world. It can be hard to overcome that programming and open up.
But there are signs that a man is deeply in love that go beyond the words he says. Keep an eye out for these examples:
1) He can’t keep his eyes off you
Here’s the thing: men are visual creatures. While I don’t want to make generalizations about my fellow guys, I think it’s fair to say for most men, love starts with the eyes.
That’s not to say that looks are everything. Far from it. If a man truly loves you, he loves more than just how you look.
Still, one way to tell if the guy is in love is to watch what he looks at.
When a man is in love, he will struggle to keep his eyes off the object of his affection. To him, you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.
Check out this study which showed that people in love spend more time looking at each other than they do at anyone else. Or this study, which found that couples in love make prolonged eye contact with one another.
If he’s looking at your butt, that’s one thing. But if he can’t keep his eyes off your eyes, he may be in love.
2) He wants to be around you
Don’t discount the obvious. If a man is falling for you, he will want to spend time with you.
That means he will make plans with you, and stick to them.
He may show up at events he knows you will be attending, or make an effort to spend more time around you in the office if the two of you work together. Or he’ll be hanging out with mutual friends.
And if you are already in a relationship, he will protect the quality time the two of you spend together and not let anything distract him from that.
It’s obvious when you think about it. When a man is in love, nothing makes him happier than spending time with the person who makes him feel that way.
That’s true whether you are in the beginning stages of a relationship or you’ve been married for decades.
3) He makes plans with you
Part of spending time with someone means making plans together.
Obviously, this is important in the early stages of a relationship. But in many ways, it’s even more important once you’ve been together for a while.
It’s way too easy to let familiarity creep in when you’ve been with someone for a long time. But a man who is still deeply in love with his partner will make time for them, no matter what.
Sometimes, that means going on dates, even when you’ve been together for years. Or it means planning a vacation or day trip together.
The thing is, it doesn’t really matter exactly what you have plans to do. What matters is that you plan to spend time with each other.
4) He strives to make you laugh
Humor is an often underrated part of romance.
But men don’t need to read scientific studies to know that.
Making someone laugh is one of the quickest ways to make them like you. And this is one aspect of relationships that doesn’t change with time.
Even in long-term relationships, people who make each other laugh tend to be happier and more satisfied overall with their relationship.
As psychologist Gil Greengross points out, being funny makes you more attractive as a mate – and that’s even more true for men than it is for women.
So if man is deeply in love, no matter what state the relationship is in, he will probably try to be funny.
5) He works to make you happy
There’s trying to be funny. And then there are the bigger things that show a man is deeply in love.
Ultimately, we all want the people we care about to be happy. So a man who is deeply in love will work to make the person he loves happy in any way he can.
It might mean cracking a joke. It might mean working on their car, planning a vacation together, or cooking a delicious meal.
This behavior can manifest itself in any number of ways. What they all have in common is a genuine effort to please the person he loves.
6) He sees the best in you
Being in love doesn’t mean being blind to somebody’s failings.
But it does mean always seeing the best in them.
A man who is deeply in love will always think the best of the object of his affection. Even when he knows they are less-than-perfect, he will always focus on their best qualities.
And he won’t be afraid to share them with other people, either.
If you know a man who is always supporting someone else and always thinking the best of them, you probably know a man who is deeply in love.
7) He shares his life with you
I’m guilty of failing this one. I dated my girlfriend for ten years before we moved in together.
That’s because I like having my own personal space. But eventually, we moved in together and are now married.
That’s because when a man loves a woman, he wants to share his life with her.
That can mean:
- meeting his friends
- meeting his parents
- helping him with work projects
- moving in together
But whatever form it takes, it’s a clear sign of a man in love.
8) He confides in you
Trust is so important in relationships. And one of the best ways to tell if someone trusts you is whether they confide in you.
Ultimately, you can’t really love someone you don’t trust.
So if a man is in love, he will confide in the person he loves.
It’s more than just secrets. As social worker and author Laura Silverstein argues, the more vulnerable we are with each other, the more connected we feel.
That means sharing your emotions is a huge part of maintaining a romantic relationship.
If a man is willing to do that with you, it’s probably because he’s deeply in love.
9) He makes you a priority
Loving someone doesn’t mean you’ll always get along perfectly. But it does mean you will always make them a priority.
There are lots of different ways a man can show someone that they are a top priority for him.
- Spending quality time together
- Choosing your welfare over that of friends or even family
- Not taking you for granted
- Saying thank you
- Being affectionate
- Sharing a hobby
No two people love in exactly the same way. But if a man makes you a priority, it’s a sure sign he’s in love.
10) He thinks long-term
I’m not here to put pressure on anyone. Remember, I took ten years to move in with the woman I love.
But sooner or later, even the most commitment-phobic man has to think about the future. And a man in love will put the person he loves in that future every single time.
It might be wanting kids. It might be moving to a new city. It might be starting a business together.
There are any number of ways this can show itself, but if a man is thinking about you being in his life long-term, he’s almost certainly in love.
As psychologist and author Jeffrey Bernstein writes, a man in love wants you to be part of his future in every way possible.
How to tell a man is in love
Not everyone has the same comfort level when it comes to sharing feelings. But love can only hide itself for so long.
If you know a man who shows these signs, you almost certainly know a man who is deeply in love – whether it’s with you or somebody else.
And often, especially when it comes to love, actions speak louder than words.