I wouldn’t commit so she left: 12 tips to get her back

Committing to a serious relationship takes a lot of effort, work, and dedication. When something goes wrong, it can be really tough to get back on track.

You made all the mistakes possible and now the woman you want is lost. You want her back more than anything, but how?

How can you possibly show her that you’ve changed and that you’re ready to commit to a relationship?

Here are 12 tips to get your ex back and prove to her that you’re ready and willing to commit to her and the relationship:

1) Apologize sincerely and honestly.

If you truly regret what happened and understand why your partner left, say so in your apology. Don’t try to whitewash or excuse your actions.

Why is that?

Because your ex needs to know that you understand the pain that you caused and that you’re truly sorry for it.

Of course, no relationship is without flaws. It takes work from both sides to make things run smoothly.

But if you really want your ex back, you have to be willing to put in that extra effort, eat some humble pie and apologize.

Obviously, it takes a little more than just saying sorry.

2) Take responsibility for your role in the breakup.

Part of saying sorry is taking responsibility for your role in the breakup.

This doesn’t mean you have to take all the blame, but it does mean that you need to own up to your part in things going south.

Here’s the thing: committing to a serious relationship means you need to be willing to take a long, honest look at yourself and work on being the best partner possible.

No one is perfect by any stretch.

And let’s not forget that it takes two to tango.

So, if you want things to work out with your ex, you need to take responsibility for your own contribution to the problems in the relationship.

More than that, you need to be willing to change and improve for the better.

Remember, your role in the breakup is just as critical as your ex’s.

And if you’re genuine with your intentions, your ex will see that you’re worth giving another chance.

3) Be open to talking things out.

If your ex is open to talking, take the opportunity to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about what went wrong in the relationship.

Why is that?

First of all, since you had commitment issues, your ex probably feels like she wasn’t being heard or that her concerns weren’t being taken seriously.

Secondly, it shows that you’re willing to communicate about the tough stuff and work through problems together.

And lastly, it gives you both a chance to express what you need from the relationship moving forward.

Tough conversations like this can be daunting. I personally struggled with being open about my feelings and emotions.

What helped me was talking it out with a professional coach from Relationship Hero.

They helped me understand my commitment issues and how to overcome them. I was also able to see things from my ex’s perspective, which was really eye-opening.

So, if you need guidance on how to approach your conversation with your ex, I recommend giving them a try.

Trust me, it’s worth it.

To get started, click here.

4) Show that you’ve changed (and mean it).

Once you’ve taken responsibility for your role in the breakup and apologized, it’s time to show your ex that you’ve changed.

This means making concrete changes to your behavior and attitude.

Just think about it: when you were together and couldn’t commit, what was holding you back?

Did you have trust issues because you were afraid of being hurt again? Were you afraid of getting too close and losing your independence?

Whatever it is that was holding you back, now’s the time to face those fears head-on.

Believe me, it won’t be easy. It will get you out of your comfort zone for sure.

But if you’re really serious about getting your ex back, it’s essential that you show her that you’ve changed.

Here are some concrete ways to do that:

  • Ask her what she needs from you and then follow through. If she says she needs more communication, make an effort to check in with her more often. If she says she would like you to be more present, put your phone away when you’re together and give her your undivided attention.
  • Be more reliable. If you say you’re planning to do something, do it. No excuses.
  • Make an effort to connect on a deeper level. This means putting down your guard and allowing yourself to be vulnerable by sharing your feelings and emotions with her.
  • Be more spontaneous. Plan fun dates and surprises that will make her feel special.

5) Take small, consistent steps to win her back, not grand gestures.

While grand gestures might seem like a good idea, they usually backfire.


Because they can come across as insincere, desperate, and often overwhelming.

Don’t get me wrong. Grand gestures are fine every once in a while.

But when it comes to winning your ex back and showing her you can really commit, it’s the small, consistent steps that will make the biggest impact.

Here are some examples of what I mean:

Reach out to her regularly, but don’t overdo it.

A few texts or calls here and there will let her know that you’re thinking about her without being overly clingy. This can make a big impression, especially if you’ve been guilty of ghosting her in the past.

Make plans and stick to them.

If you say you’re planning to take her out on Saturday night, actually do it. And don’t cancel at the last minute or make up some excuse about why you can’t make it. This shows that you’re reliable and capable of following through on your commitments.

Be present when you’re together.

This means putting your phone away and giving her your undivided attention. It sounds simple, but it can make a world of difference. Being present shows that you’re interested in what she has to say and that you value her company.

Listen to her.

Active listening is a skill. It’s not just about hearing what she’s saying, but also trying to understand how she’s feeling. This means making an effort to really listen to her, without interruption, and then responding in a way that shows you’ve understood what she’s said.

For instance, listening to a work rant and then responding with, “I’m so sorry, that sounds really tough,” can go a long way.

Be patient.

The process of winning your ex back is not going to happen overnight. It will take time, patience, and consistency to slowly but surely earn her trust again.

That means no trying to move too fast physically or emotionally. No pressure, no ultimatums, and no pushing for a commitment before she’s ready.

Respect her boundaries and let her take the lead when it comes to deciding how fast or slow things should progress.

So be prepared for the long haul and don’t get discouraged if you don’t see results right away.

Of course, not rushing things doesn’t mean you should keep yourself in limbo.

6) Take things slowly but keep moving forward.

Making a commitment to a woman is a big deal. And if you’re not absolutely ready for that, that’s OK.

Once you are, and you want to get back with your ex, it’s wise to take things slowly in order to move forward in the relationship.

Don’t try to jump ahead by moving in together or getting engaged too quickly.

Moving forward too fast is one of the biggest mistakes men make when trying to win their exes back.

It can come across as desperate and pushy, and it can make your ex feel like she’s being pressured into something she’s not ready for.

Instead, take things slow and give her the time and space she needs to decide if you’re worth another chance.

Start with casual dates and gradually ramp things up, rather than jumping from 0 to 100 overnight.

Simply put, take the time to get to know each other again and build trust.

This will give you both a chance to make sure that you’re really ready for a committed relationship.

Obviously, this way to get a woman back isn’t foolproof. You need to anticipate that there might be some bumps along the way.

7) Be prepared for setbacks.

It may not be easy this time around, especially if you broke her heart before by refusing to commit.

So be prepared for a little bit of back and forth along the way.

What does this mean?

Well, you might have a pleasant date and think things are going quite well, only to have her pull away again the next day.

Or you might get into an argument about something minor and have to spend a few days making up for it.

pexels timur weber 8560851 1 I wouldn't commit so she left: 12 tips to get her back

Setbacks are normal, but it’s important not to give up when they happen. The key is to condition yourself to keep pushing forward, no matter what.

If you need some encouragement, a professional coach from Relationship Hero can help you see the situation from a different perspective.

They actually gave me enough motivation to stay the course when I was struggling to get my ex back.

Guess what happened?

Eventually, all my effort paid off and we’re now in a committed relationship.

So if you’re feeling lost or discouraged, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Click here to chat with a coach today.

8) Don’t try to win her back with sex but with genuine affection.

One of the most common mistakes guys make when trying to win their ex back is using sex as a bargaining tool.

They think that if they can just get her into bed, she’ll realize how much she misses them and want to get back together.

But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

In fact, trying to win her back with sex is only meant to push her away further.

Here’s the thing: women want to be with men who they can trust and who are emotionally available. These are the qualities that make a man attractive and desirable.

So if you’re trying to win her back with sex, you’re sending the message that you’re not really interested in a committed relationship.

You’re just trying to get her into bed.

And that’s not going to lead to a lasting relationship at all.

Instead, why not rekindle the romance by reminiscing about the good times you had together?

9) Take her to places where you’ve made cherished memories together.

For couples who’ve had fond memories of a certain place, going back there could trigger happy emotions from the past and reignite the flame of love.

This can be anywhere from your favorite restaurant to the spot where you had your first kiss. Or it could be as simple as the coffee shop you used to go to or the park where you had your third date.

Moreover, you can also try doing things that you used to do together, like watching a movie or playing a game.

The key is to focus on the positive experiences you shared and how enjoyable it felt to be together. The key is to create new memories that are just as happy and romantic as the old ones.

By reconnecting with your lady on an emotional level, you’ll be able to create new memories that are just as happy and romantic as the old ones.

With a little effort, you can get your ex to fall back in love with you again.

10) Start by being her friend.

No matter what other people may think, friendship is always the first step to a committed relationship.

You need to be friends first before you can be anything else.

And that’s because friendship is the foundation of any lasting relationship. It’s the glue that holds everything together.

Think about it: would you rather be with someone who’s genuinely your friend or with someone who’s just your lover?

A friend is someone who you can trust, confide in, and rely on. They accept you for who you are, flaws and all. Moreover, a friend is someone with whom you can sit silently together and won’t feel awkward at all.

Now, compare that to a lover. A lover is someone who’s only interested in you for physical reasons. It’s a relationship rooted in very superficial things.

The answer is obvious, isn’t it?

Be a kind friend and just have fun.

And as you do, she’ll start to see you in a new light. She’ll start to see you as someone who’s worthy of her love and respect.

11) Talk with her family and friends.

Of course, being friends with your woman also means being friends with her family and friends.

It shows you care not just about her, but also about the people who are very dear to her.

It’s a way of showing that you respect and care for her inner circle. Moreover, it gives you an opportunity to get to know her better.

You can talk to her family and friends about anything: their hobbies, their interests, their work, or even just how their day is shaping up.

Also, they can provide valuable insights into her thoughts and feelings, and may be able to help you repair the relationship.

If they see how much you’ve changed and are now willing to really commit to her, they’ll definitely be more than happy to help you out.

12) Make a commitment to yourself first.

Ultimately, all these tips won’t work if you’re not committed to changing yourself first.

You need to be willing to do the hard work required to make things right again. You need to be willing to change for the better.

And that all starts with making a commitment to yourself.

You see, commitment isn’t just about being there for your lady when she needs you. It’s also about being there for yourself when things get tough.

It’s about being able to stick to your goals even when you feel like giving up. It’s about having the courage to face your fears and do what’s right, even when it’s challenging.

When you promise yourself to do whatever it takes to fully commit and make things work with your lady, then you’re well on your way to success.

Imagine what that’ll mean to your life and your relationship.

You’ll be finally free from the fear of abandonment and rejection. You’ll be able to fully open up to your lady and give her the love that she deserves.

Finally, you’ll be able to live life to the fullest and enjoy all the amazing things that come with being in a committed, long-term relationship.

Final thoughts

These 12 tips are just the beginning. If you’re willing to put in the hard work, then there’s no reason why you can’t get your ex back and make things even better than before.

Despite what you may have heard, it is possible to fix a relationship that’s broken.

But you need to be willing to commit to the process and see it through until the very end.

If you can do that, then you’ll be well on your way to getting your ex back. You’ll enjoy a happy, committed relationship with her for many years to come.

Picture of Frankie Pascua-dela Pasion

Frankie Pascua-dela Pasion

Frankie was born and raised in Manila, Philippines. She is a graduate of Humanities from the University of Asia and the Pacific. Frankie is a seasoned Customer Success and Human Resources professional. She is also a certified Life Coach and Career Strategist. She helps people young and young at heart to simplify their lives by creating emotional awareness. She also loves working with people who have a genuine interest in breaking their inner limits through their journey of self-discovery and authenticity in their personal and professional lives. Frankie’s recent venture into writing is fueled by her passion for human connection and meaningful relationships at home, at work, and basically everywhere. She enjoys the research, discovery, and reflection that go into each article as much as she writes about them, in the hopes that her words resonate with, and give perspective to her audience. Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn: Frankie Pascua-dela Pasion

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