I was afraid of being alone so I settled for the wrong person. Then I learned I owe myself better than that.

Fear of staying alone is a real one. It makes us do weird things, like settling for someone who isn’t really compatible with us or, even worse, is toxic. 

But sometimes, just sometimes, you wake up one day and see where it all went wrong. You realize that you owe yourself more than settling for the wrong person. 

And this is where I was at many years ago. The following is my journey from being afraid and settling to realizing things and turning mistakes into lessons. 

Afraid of being alone

Back in the day, the idea of being alone used to freak me out big time. I had this weird despair, like I was stuck in a silent movie with only my thoughts for company.

I guess part of it was buying into this whole belief that being alone meant being lonely. So, being alone wasn’t just about missing out on stuff; it was about facing questions and doubts I’d rather ignore.

And let’s be real, this fear wasn’t some random thing. It had roots in what everyone around me thought and expected. 

There’s this unspoken rule that says you’re only worth something if you’ve got a significant other. 

It took me a while to realize that being alone isn’t a curse – it’s a chance to get to know yourself better.

But let’s back up a little bit. 

Choosing comfort over compatibility

Let’s talk about the time when I made a decision that, looking back, was kinda nuts. So, there I was, facing the fear of being alone

Instead of waiting for the right person who ticked all the boxes, I went for the easy route – comfort.

I picked someone who was around, who made me feel secure in the moment, but deep down, we were like puzzle pieces from different sets.

Why did I do that? Well, I had this messed-up belief that any relationship is better than being solo. 

So, I shrugged off the red flags, the little signs that screamed, “Hey, we’re not exactly a match made in heaven.” 

I traded compatibility for the convenience of having someone by my side. 

But it wasn’t all bad. There were good times, laughs, and great moments. But when it came to the important stuff, the things that really matter in a relationship, we were kinda sailing on different ships. 

It took a while for that realization to hit, like a “Whoa, what am I doing here?” moment. 

So, I learned the hard way that the comfort zone might feel cozy, but it’s not the place to build a lasting connection.

Realizing I deserve better

As I was in the midst of a relationship that felt like a comfy but slightly itchy sweater, something started clicking in my brain. 

I realized that I deserve more than just the cushy-scratchy sweater of a relationship I’ve settled for.

This epiphany wasn’t an overnight thing. It brewed in those moments of introspection, those times when you’re staring at the ceiling, questioning if this is all there is. 

And then I woke up from this autopilot and went, “Hold up, I deserve a relationship that’s more than just a fallback plan.”

Deep down, I knew I was missing out on the real warmth and bond that only a fulfilling relationship brings.

Turning mistakes into lessons

You know what they say – every stumble is a potential dance move. Oh boy, did I dance through a few missteps.

The first big mistake? Ignoring red flags.

But instead of drowning in regret, I decided to learn how to read those flags like a seasoned, I wanna say flag reader? A sailor?

Doesn’t matter. 

Lesson learned: Listen to your instincts, and don’t brush off warning signs like they’re just pesky mosquitoes.

Then, there was the classic case of compromising on my core values. I had this misguided notion that love could conquer all differences. Spoiler alert: It can’t. 

So, I took that blunder and turned it into a personal values manifesto. Now, I know that compromising on the non-negotiables is a one-way ticket to Relationship Regretville.

I also learned I need to up my communication game, from subtle gestures to actually, you know, expressing feelings in words. Revolutionary, right?

shopping I was afraid of being alone so I settled for the wrong person. Then I learned I owe myself better than that.

Embracing me time

Back in the day, the idea of spending quality time with just me, myself, and I felt a bit like a solitary confinement punishment. 

But you know what changed? Perspective.

I realized that solitude isn’t a penalty; it’s an invitation to get to know the coolest person in the room – me.

I started with small steps. Solo movie nights? Check. Dining alone at a restaurant? Absolutely. 

Gradually, I discovered the simple pleasures of my own company. And the thing is, I wasn’t filling the void.

I was savoring the freedom to do whatever the hell I wanted without needing a second opinion.

Picking a better path

So, I was at a crossroads, standing between the familiarity of what’s comfortable and the uncertainty of what could be. 

It’s like that moment in a movie where the protagonist has to decide between the worn-out but relaxing path and the uncharted, potentially thrilling one.

For me, the better path meant shedding the fear of the unknown. I embraced the uncertainty, realizing that relationships are an evolving journey

You don’t have to have everything figured out from the start. You need to grow together, face challenges, and celebrate victories as a team.

There’s a certain freedom in choosing a better path. It’s about setting aside societal expectations, learning from past mistakes, and boldly walking towards what feels right. 

And let me tell you, picking a better path isn’t about finding someone to complete you. It’s about finding someone who complements you.

Enjoying independence

I used to think that being independent meant having this lone wolf attitude, pushing people away, and proving to the world that I could do everything solo. 

But, of course, enjoying independence isn’t about shunning companionship. It’s about realizing that my joy shouldn’t be on hold until I find a partner.

This was this lightbulb moment where I realized that I am complete on my own.

There’s a certain magic in realizing that you’re the captain of your own ship. No more waiting for someone else to steer it in the right direction.

And let’s not forget the empowerment that comes with being comfortable in your own company

Everyone has the ability to enjoy a quiet evening, savor a meal without the need for small talk, and relish the peace that comes from being your own best company. 

You just need to find it. 

Encouragement for others

Hey you, yes, you going through the maze of love, heartbreaks, and figuring out who you really are in this crazy journey called life. 

I’ve been there, done that, and let me tell you, you’re not alone in this rollercoaster of emotions.

First things first – it’s okay not to have it all figured out. Relationships are messy, complicated, and often unpredictable. 

Embrace the uncertainty, the unexpected detours, and the occasional wrong turns. They’re all part of the adventure, the plot twists that make your story uniquely yours.

If you’ve ever settled for comfort over compatibility, guess what? You’re not stuck there. 

Learn from those choices, use them as stepping stones, and remember that it’s never too late to pivot toward a better, more fulfilling life.

Realizing you deserve better is a game-changer. You’re not being picky for wanting something deeper, something that resonates with the real you.

So, stand tall, set those standards, and don’t settle for anything less than what makes your heart genuinely happy.

Choosing a better path is brave and necessary. So, trust your instincts, let go of societal expectations, and stride confidently towards relationships that align with the real, authentic you.

Picture of Adrian Volenik

Adrian Volenik

Adrian has years of experience in the field of personal development and building wealth. Both physical and spiritual. He has a deep understanding of the human mind and a passion for helping people enhance their lives. Adrian loves to share practical tips and insights that can help readers achieve their personal and professional goals. He has lived in several European countries and has now settled in Portugal with his family. When he’s not writing, he enjoys going to the beach, hiking, drinking sangria, and spending time with his wife and son.

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