Azra Jovicic
These naughty thoughts come to everyone’s head at one point or the other if we are completely honest with ourselves. If someone says that those things never ever crossed their mind, it is a notorious lie!
If the thought “I want to cheat on my boyfriend” keeps popping up in your head, here are some things you should consider first!
1) Do you want that label?
The world is a small place. If you decide to break your partner’s trust and have a little fun with someone else, you can be sure that the word will spread fast.
Not only your friends will find out, but it can go much further than that. Think about your business partners, your family, colleagues, and everyone else whose opinion you appreciate.
Even if he doesn’t find out, you will know. Your intimacy will decline and you will constantly be on the lookout.
It is not the way to live. It is a living hell.
Once you go down that road, it is very difficult to come back from. It will put a stain on your future relationships too.
You can expect jealousy every step of the way. If your future partner finds out that you’ve cheated on your boyfriends in the past, he will always have trust issues.
This can significantly complicate your life.
Our reputation and integrity are the things we can actually say we own, so think about the effect cheating would have.
You are probably thinking right now that there is too much fuss over nothing but think again. With social media and the internet, news spread fast.
Besides, you can never know how your boyfriend will react.
2) Can you live with it?
I understand that looking at a hot guy can completely blur your judgment, but let’s stop for a moment. Think about the moment right after you actually do it.
Would you be able to look into your partner’s eyes and behave normally? I’m sure you wouldn’t because the guilt and the shame would overwhelm you.
You would pick fights left and right just to feel a little bit better about yourself. The guilt is truly dreadful, especially in the moments your boyfriend is nice to you.
Could you honestly look at yourself in the mirror after cheating and be satisfied? If the answer is no, then you will understand better why it is a bad idea.
No guy in this world is worth feeling bad about yourself. If you are committed to living an honest life and doing what you can to improve it, you will deal with the issue in a different way.
This is why it is necessary to make decisions according to your beliefs and not let a small temptation put that much burden on you.
3) Look for the underlying issue
Thinking about cheating always comes with some reason underneath. Are you spending less time with your boyfriend lately?
What kind of relationship do you have? Is he dedicated to you enough?
If you have been fighting a lot, then you may be looking for something that would make you feel good.
Perhaps you are dealing with insecurities. Are you trying to prove that you are wanted and desired by someone else?
No matter what the reason is, the honest conversation goes a long way. Talk to your boyfriend about the issues you are facing and see if you could work through all of them.
If the problem is more serious such as negative behavior patterns, talking to a therapist can help you face the issues and find a way to break the pattern and make some new healthy ones.
We are all looking for love and affection, it is pretty clear, but there are different ways to do it. Cheating won’t help you get more love, but the complete opposite.
Consider how important your relationship is to you and is it worth the trouble. If you have a quality relationship with a boyfriend that you love, then working on your personal issues can help you make it even better.
On the other hand, if the relationship is not satisfying enough and beyond repair, then you owe it to yourself to clear the air and be honest.
4) Is it time for a breakup?
Sometimes people cheat when they cannot stand to leave someone and feel guilty about it. It is a form of self-sabotage.
Instead of peacefully explaining your reasons, by cheating you would create drama, fighting, and so many negative emotions so you can actually justify the breakup.
Does this sound familiar? Well, if you have been surrounded by drama your whole life, this may be a pattern you are repeating now.
If any of these things raise a red flag, it is time for you to look into your motives deeper and face the issues you have.
Think about your relationship. Weigh all the good stuff and the bad stuff, so you can get a better picture of your next step.
If you are not interested anymore, then being honest about it can save your boyfriend from suffering and it will spare you so much wasted time and guilt.
On the other hand, if you truly think your relationship is worth saving, you should try to improve it.
Remember, no one knows what you need before you say it. Maybe your boyfriend wasn’t even aware of the things you need from him.
If there are things you would like to work on together, make some effort to address the issues openly.
5) Would you like someone to do it to you?
I don’t mean to preach. Trust me, I’ve been there myself.
I was the one my friend’s boyfriend cheated on. It still stings me every time I think about it even though years have passed.
My point is, it never leaves you. If you have a conscience, that is.
I believe you do since you haven’t actually done it.
Ever since I did it, I realized how much pain it causes. It hurts everyone involved and it is not fair.
I’ve been on the other side too. I’ve been cheated on and couldn’t put myself together for a long time from the pain.
I simply couldn’t comprehend how someone could do it to me. Not just the cheating part, but being able to look at my face and lie.
We are not perfect, we are clear on that, but at least we can try to behave as honestly as we can.
Just imagine that you’ve found out that your boyfriend cheated on you? It is not pleasant at all.
It causes numerous problems with confidence and with future relationships. Just imagine being in your boyfriend’s shoes for a moment and you will instantly get the idea of the pain you could cause.
6) Do you need the excitement?
Sometimes in long relationships, things can get slow and predictable. It is a sign that it is getting serious and that you are synced in with your partner.
However, if you are simply feeling restless and you want to feel the rush of being with someone new may be the sign that you are not ready for a committed relationship.
You may be thinking about the “greener grass” in the form of a handsome neighbor crossing your path daily. Think about the reasons why you are attracted to him?
Going deeper into your reasons will help you clear out the air and help yourself decide. The important thing is not to beat yourself up about it.
If your boyfriend pressures you to get married or start a family, wanting to cheat maybe your exit strategy. However, it is a truly bad one.
You may feel good very shortly, but you will cause issues for your partner which is not fair. If you are not ready to go forward with your relationship and you want to keep things as they are, explain it without causing any negative feelings among you.
If you are looking for excitement, go for a scuba dive, don’t play with people’s feelings.
7) Do you believe in karma?
Everything I’ve done to other people, it’s been done to me later. It is as simple as that.
What goes around comes around. Whenever I acted selfishly came back and hit me right in the face at the moment I didn’t expect it.
Trust me, the feeling is awful. Nowadays, I feel bad even if I dream I cheated.
I’ve learned my lesson a hard way. That’s why I am saying these things that can help you realize it’s a bad idea.
No one escapes karma. It gets you at one point or the other.
Don’t do anything bad to others that you wouldn’t want someone to do to you.
8) Do you miss being single?
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and you didn’t get a chance to spend time with your friends, pursue your wishes, and date, this may be the reason why you are struggling with this issue now.
It is not strange or bad, it is just something that you need to address in a mature way. Talk to your boyfriend about spending more time with friends.
Maybe you will realize that you are not missing anything spectacular once you actually go out in the club or go to the movies. If you repress your desire to do it, it may come stronger.
Deal with it, face it, and assess the way you have been spending your time. This will help you understand yourself better and find out what would be the best way to approach your issues.
On the other hand, if you realize that you would like to party and focus on your desires at the moment, that’s fine too. You just need to give your boyfriend the chance to do the same for himself.
9) Are you trying to beat him to it?
Some people want to cheat if they sense that their partner may cheat. This is a form of passive-aggressive behavior.
It is not healthy in any form and the cycle is hard to break later on. You can only prolong it and make it worse, but it will come at one point or another.
Address the negative emotions and experiences. If you believe that your boyfriend is thinking of cheating or acting on it, you should face the fact that the relationship you are in is not healthy.
Sometimes we do things out of spite and to prove that we are better than the other person and get sucked in the process. Take some time to breathe and take a step back.
Process the things happening around you and think about the life you truly want. Revenge will drag you to the low-level vibrations that will certainly not have a good impact on you.
Be a better person. Clear the air and go on with your life.
If your boyfriend is a cheater, let him do it and ruin his life by himself. Don’t lend him a hand in this.
Appreciate your peace more.
10) Are you coming up with excuses?
Sometimes people tend to look for excuses when they want to justify bad behavior. My friend did it, my ex did it, the list can go on and on.
The fact that someone else did it doesn’t mean you should make a mess of your life. It is not a justification, just a poor excuse for causing harm to yourself and others.
If you find yourself looking at it from all the possible angles, step back and see it as it is – a bad solution to any relationship problem you have.
Final thoughts
Even though in some cultures people may justify this kind of behavior, there is no doubt that it is not good in any way.
There are people who are not able to stay monogamous, which is completely fine as long as there is honesty about the type of relationship they are searching for. If you think this may be the case, you can try an open relationship.
This can work only if your boyfriend is up to this type of relationship. All in all, weigh your reasons, pros, and cons before acting on your feelings.
That will give you some space to think about the consequences and the impact it may have on your life. I hope these tips helped you get a better picture of the things you want in life.
Don’t beat yourself up, we are all just human. However, we are given a chance to create a life that we want, so make sure you make a good one for yourself!
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