Do you have problems making friends?
Maybe it was easy for you to have friends back when you were younger; all you had to do was to go to the playground or sit in class and talk to the other kids.
The point is:
Things were simpler back then — we all just wanted to have fun.
But we all know one fact in life:
Your number of friends dwindles drastically as you get older.
And you can’t really blame others for no longer keeping in touch. Life does get more complicated as we become adults. There’s work, family, and other responsibilities.
But here’s the problem:
What if you don’t have any friends at all?
Not 10, not even five. Not even three, which is the usual number of friends if you’re already in your golden years.
You have zero.
Your social life is non-existent.
So perhaps you’re thinking:
“Well, that’s fine! I have my family. So what if I have no friends?”
But this shouldn’t be the case for anyone — including you. Everyone deserves to have at least a good friend or two in life.
Thus, go ahead and read our guide below to help you find friends as soon as possible:
1) Find People Who Have the Same Hobbies and Interests as You
Remember the old saying:
“Birds of the same feather flock together.”
Essentially, it means that people who have the same interests will likely spend more time with each other.
So what do you enjoy doing?
Perhaps you’re a bookworm or you’re into DIY home improvement. Maybe you love playing video games or having a good run around the park every morning.
No matter your interest, there will always be someone with the same passion.
If you doubt that, just remember:
There are billions of people around the world.
It’s practically impossible for you to end up lamenting “I have no friends” all your life.
As much as you want to believe that you’re an absolutely unique individual, you will realize soon enough that there are others like you.
Maybe they don’t live in your neighborhood or they don’t work in your company.
The point is this:
There are people out there somewhere who would love to do the same things with you.
And this holds true no matter how specific your interests are:
— Do you only read Doctor Who sci-fi books released from 1996 up until 2014?
— Do you prefer playing on the roleplaying realms with a medium population in World of Warcraft?
— Is your interest in sociology concentrated on urban development in Southeast Asia?
Someone out there is eager to spend weekends with you just to do these same things.
So the question is:
Where can you find friends?
Well, the easiest way is this:
Follow these steps to navigate around the seemingly infinite world of the Internet:
1) Go to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter
2) Search for keywords and hashtags of your hobbies and interests
For example, you can type in “Terry Pratchett book club” or “How I Met Your Mother fans” on the Facebook search bar.
Likewise, hashtags such as #DungeonsAndDragons and #woodworking will help you find individuals and entire groups who share the same interests as you on Twitter and Instagram.
3) Make a reddit account and find the subreddits of all your interests
Reddit might not have the same amount of users as the social networking behemoths, but it’s arguably the best place to find people who share the same interests as you.
4) Search in Google
There are so many online forums on the Internet — all you have to do is search for them. In fact, it’s more than likely that your favorite rock band or video game has an official forum on their website.
So here’s the thing:
You will find friends you’ll love spending time with, people who will appreciate your enthusiasm about a certain subject.
They’re out there.
It’s up to you to find them — and for them to find you.
If you and your online friend finally get to meet in the real world, great!
And if you can’t meet up with your online buddies due to one reason or another, that’s still fine!
Friendship is not defined by physical proximity; the friends you make online are just as real as the ones you first met in real life.
2) Look for Quality Rather Than Quantity
Here’s the deal:
Sometimes the problem is less about finding friends and more about keeping them.
For example, let’s look at Facebook:
Imagine you have 5,000 friends. That’s the limit per account — you can no longer add any more friends.
You should be happy, right?
It’s the direct opposite of being in the “I have no friends” state. From that number alone, it would seem that you’re very popular online.
But then you realize something:
Only a few people actually interact with you. You only get a couple of likes each day, and it’s a miracle if someone comments on your post.
There’s no one you like talking to on Messenger.
So what does this mean?
Having thousands of friends in your social network or social circle does not necessarily mean you’ve found real friends, which is sad when you think about it: You’re part of the crowd and yet you feel so alone.
[We just released a new eBook: The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness. We highlight 20 of the most resilient people in the world and break down what traits they have in common. We then equip you with 10 resilience-building tools that you can start using today–in your personal life or professional career. Check it out here.]
While it’s important that you find friends, you must also ensure you’ve found the right ones.
Take this advice:
Don’t try to please everybody.
Because as they say, you might just end up with no one.
Instead, focus on the good people in your life.
Spend more time with those you have meaningful connections with; these are the people who will stick by you until the end.
One good friend is better than having a hundred fake friends who are only in it for the clout.
3) Look at Yourself in the Mirror
Maybe a reason why you keep lamenting “I have no friends!” is because you need to face yourself?
For one, consider your personality.
Let’s face it:
Not everyone is as likable as you’d want them to — and the same applies to you.
Even if people are truly good and fun to be with, they won’t stick around if you’re “too much.”
So what does being “too much” mean?
It can refer to any part of your personality that’s less than desirable:
— You keep talking a lot and you don’t give anyone else space to air their own opinions
— You always want to go out to see a movie or eat out even if they are understandably busy
— You won’t stop arguing until you get the last word even if it’s an unimportant matter
— You ask for their suggestions but you always follow your own decisions in the end
As much as you’d like to believe that life is simply handing out bad cards, the opposite might be true.
Maybe you already have the best people in your life.
But here’s the dilemma:
You lack the self-awareness to see why they leave one after the other.
If you keep losing friends and failing to find new ones, maybe you should look at yourself.
4) Face Deeper and More Personal Issues
Maybe you can’t find friends because there is something personal you’re ignoring.
And we’re not talking about your personality alone.
Ask yourself this:
“Do I have no friends because of any psychological issues?”
Maybe you’ve had a previous relationship that ruined your trust toward other people, or you’re always afraid to open up to others because they might not like the real you.
If it’s the latter, then you probably have insecurity and self-esteem issues.
But what can you do about them?
Well, don’t forget:
There’s no harm in seeking help.
Find a therapist and open up to someone you trust; you need emotional and social support.
Unless you face these psychological issues, you’ll continue having a hard time in fostering meaningful friendships.
But on a lighter note:
Maybe you’re just very introverted?
Introverts are people who prefer being on their own and being with as fewer people as possible.
Instead of dabbling on the goings-on of others, they would rather focus on their own thoughts and feelings.
But what does this have to do with not having any friends?
Well, it’s because of this:
If your friends and would-be friends don’t know that you’re an introvert, they might think that you’re being so quiet because you don’t like being with them.
It sends them the wrong message.
Thus, you have to let others know whether you’re more of an introvert or an extrovert who loves to always be around people.
Otherwise, misunderstandings can lead to familiar worries, with you claiming “I have no friends and I don’t know why” once again.
From ‘I Have No Friends’ to ‘I Could Not Ask for Better Friends’
So, what should you do to maintain a good social circle?
Just keep these four things in mind:
You don’t have to rush these things. So what if you don’t find great friends at work or at school?
Eventually, you’ll find awesome buddies at the right time and at the right place.
Until then, do not lose hope — you won’t be alone forever.
You have to play an active role if you’re keen on finding new friends; not everyone gets approached by someone else and asks for their friendship.
Explore your community, online and offline.
Take a chance.
You have nothing and no one left to lose — and a priceless friendship or two to gain.
Don’t be afraid to open up to other people — this is the only way for them to understand you better.
Tell them about your hobbies, interests, and what kind of friendship you expect.
Let others ask you about yourself and vice-versa.
Being honest allows you to have a deeper connection with others.
8) Gratitude and Connection
Last but definitely not the least, learn to appreciate the people in your life.
Don’t ever take them for granted.
Let your friends know how much they matter to you.
And if you meet a new friend, introduce them to your other friends. Let them form a bond. This way, there are no awkward moments when you want to hang out with all of them.
Gone are the days when you’re left wondering “why do I have no friends?” all the time.
Because soon enough, you’ll have a small yet tight-knit social circle that’s truly your own.