Dear Evie, my boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) have been together since college. I thought we had a great relationship – when I fell pregnant back in early 2023, we were both really excited to start this new chapter in life. He was a really attentive partner at the start of my pregnancy, but towards the end he seemed a bit distant. Whenever I asked him about it he said he was just nervous for the baby to arrive. Everyone told me this is quite normal and that he’s probably just overwhelmed and feeling the pressure of becoming a dad. Once our daughter was born, he took to looking after her really well. We’ve been doing great and I put those concerns to the back of my mind. Recently though, a mutual friend made a comment about our “rough patch” during the pregnancy and I didn’t really understand what he meant by it (he wouldn’t explain further). I started to get quite suspicious, and my boyfriend was being very evasive about why this person made that comment. I’m not proud of it but I went through his messages and saw that he’d been chatting to a girl while I was pregnant. They seem to have cut it off when the baby was born, and when I confronted my boyfriend he admitted that he slept with her once. He said he didn’t want to upset me while I was pregnant and then when the baby was born we were so busy it just never came up. I’m really angry and hurt, but a part of me feels like it was in the past and I should just let it go. What do you think? – Hannah, UK
Dear Hannah,
You’ve been through a lot, and I can imagine how much of a shock this was for you. Finding out about a betrayal like this—especially when you were pregnant—is brutal. You’re feeling hurt, angry, and probably torn between holding onto the good moments and wanting to scream at him for what he did. That’s all completely valid.
What really strikes me here is how he hid it from you, not just while you were pregnant, but even afterward. He let you carry this idea that everything was fine while he was sitting on a secret that could blow your world apart. That’s a big deal. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and he’s damaged that. Whether he meant to or not, he’s undermined the security of your relationship.
I get why a part of you wants to just “let it go.” You’ve got a new baby, and it’s tempting to brush this off as something that happened in the past so you can keep the peace. But here’s the thing: ignoring this won’t make the betrayal go away. It’ll just fester under the surface and slowly erode the foundation of your relationship, even if you think you’re moving past it.
What you really need to ask yourself is this: Can you rebuild trust with him? Not for the sake of the baby, not because you’ve been together for so long, but for you.
Do you believe that he’s genuinely remorseful and willing to do the work to repair the damage he’s done?
And just as importantly, do you feel like you can fully trust him again?
This isn’t about sweeping it under the rug and pretending like nothing happened—it’s about whether you feel respected and valued enough to heal from this. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. It means setting clear boundaries, having honest conversations, and making sure that you are getting what you need, emotionally and mentally.
You deserve a relationship built on trust, respect, and transparency. If you choose to move forward with him, it has to be from a place of honesty, not convenience. It’s not about punishing him forever, but it’s also not about letting him off the hook just because he’s being a good dad now. Being a good father and being a good partner are two different things.
Take the time you need to process this. Don’t rush to make a decision, but don’t push your feelings aside either. You have every right to demand more from your relationship.
All the best,
Evie
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