We’ve all been there, where we push our partners away by acting needy.
Most couples in a relationship experience a little struggle from time to time, I did, too.
As soon as I made some changes in the way I acted, things got better for us! Here’s what I did:
1) I put down the phone and stopped contacting her so much
Before I started working on myself, I was constantly texting, calling, and emailing my girlfriend. I acted needy and pushed her away by being too clingy.
Does that sound familiar to you?
The first thing I did was stop contacting her so much.
I put down the phone, stopped calling, and backed off on texting for a little while.
When she texted me I would reply, of course, but didn’t initiate contact with her in any way. This helped her to miss me a little bit and made her wonder what was going on with me.
She also noticed that I wasn’t as available which created some space for her to miss me instead of being annoyed at my constant texts!
I know, it can be difficult, especially when your partner is on your mind 24/7, but try to set boundaries with yourself.
This could be something like:
“I will check in with her at noon.”
Not only does this create some time for her to do her own thing, but it also helps you by giving you a set time when you can reach out again.
Trust me, this will work wonders!
2) My self-esteem improved
I needed validation from my partner to feel accepted. So, when she wanted space or not wanted to do something with me, it hurt.
I’m ashamed to admit that I tried to get her attention by being a little too clingy and asking what she was thinking a lot.
In order to fix this, I had to make some changes in my mindset about myself.
As I just mentioned, all of my new habits greatly improved my self-esteem and I was able to realize that I have a lot of inherent worth, and someone else’s behavior can’t take that away.
But how can you actually improve your self-esteem when you find it hard to control your own mindest?
If this is something you’re facing right now, maybe helping form a professional relationship coach might work.
The reason why I think this is that sometimes it’s hard to work on your thoughts and emotions when you can’t assess them objectively. But certified relationship coaches at Relationship Hero can help you understand how your mind works.
Most importantly, I’m sure they can offer you practical solutions to improve your self-esteem.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
3) I pursued my own passions
One of the things I did was to pursue my own passions.
Previously, I would always ask her if she wanted to go out and do something.
But now that I’ve been doing some volunteer work and trying new hobbies, it feels much more natural for me to spend some time alone.
I still want to spend time with my partner, but it’s easier for me to make plans on my own and then invite her when the time comes.
You see, pursuing your own passions kills two birds with one stone.
- You spend time away from each other, which will create space to miss each other a bit
- You become happier because you do something that fills you with purpose, which will, in turn, make you more attractive!
So, as you can see, this is really just a win-win situation!
4) I gave her some space
The next thing I did was I gave her some space.
I stopped texting her throughout the day, I stayed home sometimes when she hung out with friends, I went out of the house so she could have some alone time at home.
All of these things were really hard for me initially, trust me.
But I really wanted to give her space and make her feel more comfortable.
I’m sure you’ve seen couples who are just always together, and I think this can be a problem, especially when you have a partner that is clingy.
It’s super healthy to spend some time apart.
5) I stopped being so jealous
I used to be jealous of my girlfriend’s friends and coworkers.
This played a huge part in my neediness – I felt if I didn’t spend time with her 24/7, she might see someone else.
I realized that I needed to stop doing this and start trusting her and myself a bit more.
As soon as I let her do her own thing, she immediately noticed and seemed to be more attracted to me again!
It works like magic.
Well, to tell you the truth, it’s hard. You just have to let her do things without you and without checking in, and simply trust that nothing will happen.
What helped me the most was to think “I don’t want to live the rest of my life worried that she will cheat, if she does, I can’t change it anyway, I’ll move on and I’ll be okay.”
If you can keep your jealousy in check, you’re much more likely to attract the right type of woman for you.
6) I spent more time with friends and family
When I was really needy, I used to spend all of my time with my girlfriend.
But now, I make sure to spend time with friends, family, and myself too. This has helped me feel less needy in the relationship.
You see, relying on one single person for all of your social contacts puts a burden on both of you.
Essentially, it can get really confusing and stressful for both people involved.
Spending time with friends and family helps me feel less needy because I know I can have social interactions and that I’m not alone without my partner.
And the best part?
I kind of neglected my friends and family before, because I was so focused on my relationship.
Now I feel much more balanced, and my relationships with friends and family have improved greatly!
7) I learned how to meet my own needs
I’ve learned that I have to learn how to meet my own needs before I can ask someone else to do it for me. It sounds simple, but this was a big struggle for me.
I realized that when I took care of myself, I was more confident and less anxious in the relationship.
When I acted needy, my partner became frustrated because they felt like their efforts weren’t good enough.
Once I started taking better care of myself, my partner noticed the difference.
They made an effort to do things for me because they cared about me, not just because it was a task on their to-do list.
Learning how to meet my own needs was important, because I was relying on my girlfriend to meet them for me, and that put a lot of pressure on her.
By knowing that I could meet them myself (and also getting some of them met by friends and family), there was suddenly a lot less need to be clingy.
8) I figured out where my neediness came from
The most important step for me was figuring out where my neediness came from.
It was hard for me to admit it, but I realized that my neediness came from my childhood.
I grew up in a household where my dad worked long hours and wasn’t always home.
My mom had to work too, and we were left with a lot of housework to do on our own. As a kid, it felt like I was never good enough for anyone.
It’s no surprise that as an adult, I needed constant attention from others. When I got into a relationship, it became clear how much this insecurity stemmed from my childhood.
You see, once you uncover the root of the problem, you will find solutions to it a lot easier than if you were to just treat the symptoms.
9) I realized there is nothing wrong with being needy!
Now, I’m sure that you are motivated to do everything in your power to stop being needy, but it’s important to note that there’s nothing wrong with being a little needy!
It’s actually pretty normal if you’re in a relationship and you really like the person.
You might want them around all the time and sometimes feel the need to check in with them just to make sure they’re doing well.
Neediness even has some advantages!
- It’s a sign of being authentically human and feeling the full range of human emotion
- It’s a sign that you’re interested in someone and care about them
- It’s a strong sign of love and affection
- It shows that you want to be with them not just for now but for longer
- It can bring you closer to someone (especially when that person is there for you and does something against your neediness)
- It’s a sign that you’re allowing yourself to be emotionally fulfilled
- It shows you care about other people enough that it hurts when they don’t care about you
I learned all of that from an interesting Youtube video. In it, Justin, the founder of Ideapod, explains why there is essentially nothing wrong with being needy!
If you want to find out more, check it out:
You will feel so much better
Once you figure out how to be less needy, you will feel so much better, trust me.
There is nothing wrong with being a bit needy, but learning how to be more confident will only improve your relationships!
This all relates back to the incredible advice I learned from Kate Spring.
She’s a relationship expert and she’s transformed dating and relationships for thousands of men.
One of the most valuable things she teaches is this:
Women don’t choose the guy who will treat them the best. They choose guys they are deeply attracted to at a biological level.
Women don’t like assholes because they’re assholes.
They like assholes because those guys are confident and they give off the right signals to them. The sort of signals a woman can’t resist.
What if I told you that you could quickly learn the right signals to give to women – and you absolutely don’t need to become an asshole in the process?
She reveals the most effective method I’ve come across to make women obsessed with you (whilst remaining a good guy).