Husband says I’ve been getting “too big”. What next?

I’m pretty slim and have been my entire life. Last year I decided to ditch the excuses and start doing something about it. I’ve put on about 15-20lbs of mainly muscle since I committed to training, eating better, and generally looking out for myself. I feel fitter, stronger, healthier, and am loving my progress! But my husband (of 4 years) seems to not be such a fan of my lifestyle changes. He has never seemed supportive or encouraging of me working out and last week went as far to say he preferred my body before. I’m angry and upset, I know he’s able to have his own opinions but I feel like he’s completely sidelining that it’s my body, my preferences, the whole host of health benefits I’ve gained, all for a really superficial interest in my appearance. How do I go about talking to him about his attitude?

First off, a huge congratulations on your commitment to your health and fitness. It sounds like you’ve made incredible progress, and that’s something to be damn proud of. You’re not just looking good; you’re feeling good, and that’s what truly matters!

Now, about your husband… Boy, does it sound like he needs a wake-up call. It’s your body, your choices, and your health. His preference for your previous body doesn’t negate the fact that you’re happier and healthier now. In fact, you’re probably decreasing your risk of a whole bunch of health issues like heart disease and osteoporosis. Talk about a win-win!

Here’s how I’d approach the conversation:

  • Find a calm moment when you’re both relaxed and can talk without distractions.
  • Start by telling him how his comments made you feel (hurt, angry, unappreciated, etc.).
  • Then, remind him of all the amazing benefits you’ve gained from your lifestyle change.
  • Focus on how much better you feel physically and mentally.

It’s important to set boundaries and let him know that his comments are unwelcome and hurtful. Explain that you’re not going to change your healthy habits to please him.

Finally, try to open the door for dialogue. Ask him why he feels the way he does. Is it insecurity, societal pressure, or something else? Understanding his perspective can help you address the root of the issue.

Remember, you don’t have to justify your choices to him. You’re doing this for yourself, and that’s what’s important. If he can’t get on board with your healthier lifestyle, that’s his problem, not yours. Partners and spouses should want the very best for us, and if he’s letting his superficial preferences override his desire to see you fit and healthy, well…that’s an issue.

If this conversation doesn’t lead to a change in his attitude, it might be time to consider couples counseling. A neutral third party can help you both communicate more effectively and address any underlying issues in your relationship.

Ultimately, it’s your decision whether to stay in a relationship where your partner doesn’t support your healthy choices. But remember, you deserve to be with someone who celebrates your strength, your growth, and your commitment to being the best version of yourself.

Chin up, beautiful! You’re doing amazing things. Be proud of that!

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Ask Evie

Evie is on a mission to revolutionize relationships and help you sort through your emotional woes. Her popular column helps readers break free from societal restraints and create empowering relationships - both with their inner selves and with those around them. With a wealth of experience in relationship counseling, backed by several professional certifications, she’s open-minded, big-hearted, and extremely compassionate… But she’ll also be completely honest in telling you the (sometimes) brutal truth, so you can get straight to the heart of the matter. Maybe you’re trying to save a marriage that currently feels like a sinking ship? Or worrying that your new friend isn’t quite as nice as they seem? Perhaps you’ve accidentally killed your partner’s goldfish and are weighing up the pros and cons of going to the pet store and finding a doppelganger, or fessing up? Whatever the dilemma, Evie’s at the ready to help sort through the emotional turmoil and guide you towards the next best step. To get in touch with Evie, click here.

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