How your body posture communicates how you really feel on a first date

If you want to make a good impression on that first date, be mindful of your body language. 

Remember, the vast majority of our communication is through non-verbal cues and body language. Our movements and gestures can tell a story–and positive body language can ultimately be the X-factor of whether you’re scoring that second date or not. 

So, what can your body posture communicate on a first date? Let’s take a closer look!

Standing up straight

When you stand up straight, you communicate confidence and openness. It shows that you’re comfortable in your own skin and not afraid to be yourself. 

This can be especially attractive to your date, as it signals that you’re someone who is sure of themselves and knows what they want. Confidence, after all, is the ultimate aphrodisiac. 

However, don’t overdo it! 

Standing up straight can also come across as stiff or formal if you’re not careful. To avoid this, try to relax your shoulders and breathe deeply. This will help you to feel more at ease while still maintaining good posture.

Making eye contact

Remember what Tony Montana said: “The eyes, chico. They never lie.” Eye contact is another crucial non-verbal cue on a first date. 

When you make eye contact with your date, it shows that you’re engaged with what they have to say. Good eye contact is also a sign of self-assuredness and interest, as you’re not afraid to look your date in the eye.

That being said, too much of it can come across as intense or intimidating. If you find yourself staring your date down, try to break eye contact every once in a while to give them (and yourself) a break.

Using open body language

Open body language, such as uncrossed arms and legs, can convey a sense of warmth and approachability. It indicates that you’re open to conversation and that you’re interested in getting to know your date. 

This can be especially important in the early stages of a relationship when you’re still becoming acquainted.

On the other hand, closed body language, like crossed arms or legs, can communicate defensiveness or disinterest. It can make your date feel like you’re not interested in them, even if that’s not necessarily the case. 

If you find yourself defaulting to closed body language, try to consciously uncross your arms and legs and use open gestures instead.

I’ve been on many dates before, and whenever a woman would cross her arms and the temperature wasn’t unusually cold, I’d tend to feel a little discouraged.

Slouching or fidgeting

Here’s the thing: slouching or fidgeting can give off nervous energy. It can make your date feel like you’re not enjoying yourself or that you’re not into them. 

If you find yourself slouching or fidgeting, try to get it together and consciously adjust your posture. 

Sitting up straight and taking up space can help you feel more at ease and comfortable–ultimately making you more attractive to your date. 

I’ll be honest: I’ve always struggled with my self-worth and my dating life would suffer. I’d be into my date but my body language would say otherwise. So I decided to be proactive and get to the root of the issue. 

I soon discovered that most of my shortcomings in love stem from my own complicated inner relationships with myself.

I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy

So, if you want to improve the relationships you have with others and have success in dating, start with yourself. It’s that simple. 

Check out the free video here. You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video, solutions that’ll stay with you for life.

Leaning in

It’s no secret… leaning in during a conversation means you’re showing interest and engagement. It also says that you’re actively listening to your date and that you’re invested in the conversation. 

However, like everything, use this with moderation–leaning in too much or too often can come across as aggressive or overbearing. 

Try to strike a balance by leaning in occasionally and then leaning back to give your date some space.

Crossing your ankles

Crossing your ankles can exude a relaxed and casual vibe. And frankly, who doesn’t want that?  It implies that you’re comfortable in the situation and that you’re not taking things too seriously. 

This can be a great way to put your date at ease and show them that you’re easy-going to be around.

But disclaimer: if you’re on a formal date or if you’re trying to give off a more serious tone, crossing your ankles might not be the best choice.

Touching your face or hair

Real talk: touching your face or hair might express that you’re anxious or self-conscious. It’ll make your date feel like you’re not self-assured or at ease with the situation. 

If you find yourself touching your face or hair a lot, try to be mindful of it and redirect your energy elsewhere. Maybe try taking a sip of water or fiddling with a piece of jewelry instead.

Though this can work both ways. Depending on the manner, when a woman plays with her hair she also might subconsciously be flirting. Trust your gut


This is the practice of subtly imitating your date’s body language and tone of voice. It can help to build rapport and trust, as it shows that you’re on the same wavelength.  

For example, if your date moves their arm, you might move your arm too. If they take a sip of their wine, you might take a sip of wine too.

Take note: it’s important to use mirroring sparingly and naturally. If you’re too obvious about it, it can come across as fake or insincere. 

Instead, try to match your date’s energy in a way that feels authentic and natural to you. This can help to create a sense of connection and comfort between you and your date.

The bottom line

To recap, your body language and posture are a big deal on a first date. It could also potentially be a dealbreaker for some.

By paying attention to your movements, you can communicate confidence, interest, and approachability. And vice versa. 

Of course, body posture is just one piece of the puzzle – it’s also important to pay attention to your facial expressions, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues. But by being mindful of your body posture, you can help set the tone for a successful and enjoyable first date. 

Who knows, your soulmate might just be a bit of eye contact away!

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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