I know how you’re feeling:
You’re feeling hurt, desperate, betrayed, and angry. And you have all the reasons in the world to feel that way.
But, if you want to win your husband back from the other woman, you have to play it smart.
You can’t let your emotions take control of you because if you do, you’re going to push your husband further away.
Instead, the best thing you can do is follow expert advice.
1) Ask yourself exactly how you feel when you think of your husband cheating
Here’s the first thing that you have to do:
Ask yourself exactly how you feel when you think of your husband cheating.
According to a group of dating coaches and relationship experts from FlirtSavvy, “the first step to winning your husband back from the other woman is to get clarity.”
This means that in order to win your husband back, you need to figure out how you really feel.
This step is essential because otherwise, you won’t be able to overcome the anxiety and hurt caused by your husband’s affair. You have to let those feelings out.
Although this might be one of the most painful things you’ll ever do, doing it could be the difference between solving this problem and making it worse.
So, try to put your emotions of pain and heartache into words. Do your best to express how badly he hurt you.
In this regard, keep in mind that your goal is not to hurt him, but to make him understand what his actions mean to you.
2) Let your husband know you’re aware of his affair and tell him how you feel
The next step is to let your husband know that you’re aware of his affair – if he doesn’t know already – and tell him how you feel.
To do so, there’s no right or wrong moment to tell him that you know about his affair. Also, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell him how you really feel:
“Romantic betrayal is traumatizing,” says psychologist Joshua Coleman. There’s no reason for you to hide your true feelings.
It’s quite the opposite actually. Your husband can’t know how badly he hurt you if you don’t tell him. So, make sure that you’re honest and let him know just how badly his affair made you feel.
Why is this important?
Here’s a man’s take on this – Geoffrey Mitchell:
“Even though we’re all human beings, men and women think about affairs differently. Men often find it easier to compartmentalize their affairs and not let it affect how they feel about their wives.”
In other words, your husband might not understand how bad he actually made you feel. But, he needs to understand that if you want to win him back.
3) Say the right things to your husband to win him back from the other woman
Listen, if you’re clueless about what to say to him, don’t worry. It’s normal for you to not know what to say or what to do in this situation.
It’s not like you’ve been in this situation before, right?
To help you out, Brad Browning, an expert in the field of relationships and marriage, created a list of things that you can say to your husband to make him regret hurting you.
So, if you want some help with what to say, check out this quick video now.
In it, he’ll also tell you whether it’s too late or not to save your marriage and reveal his fool-proof system to win your husband back from the other woman.
He makes some really good points in his video, that’s why I always end up recommending him to people who are looking to mend their marriages.
4) Make sure you end the talk after you finish what you have to say
This is a big one!
So, pay attention because this is where you could fail.
The same group of dating coaches and relationship experts mentioned before warns us about the following danger:
“Do not fall into the trap of negotiation. Your husband might try to reason with you, or talk you out of your sadness. Do not let him do this.”
If you let him, your husband might start playing the blaming game, he might even use reverse psychology on you. Or, even worse, he might try gaslighting you.
Here’s what gaslighting is according to Medical News Today:
“Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a person or group causes someone to question their own sanity, memories, or perception of reality. People who experience gaslighting may feel confused, anxious, or as though they cannot trust themselves.”
So, do your best to avoid this.
Remember: This isn’t the time for you to reason with him. It’s time for you to let him know how much his affair hurt you.
5) Go away for a few days or become emotionally unresponsive to him
If you successfully tell your husband how you feel, then you’re ready to move on to the next step.
Many experts agree that in this phase, you must become emotionally unavailable to your husband.
If you do this, your husband will have to reflect on what you said. Your words will go through his mind over and over again.
And, he’ll be forced to think how badly he hurt you. This should make him realize that he should stop seeing the other woman so you guys can start anew.
In the meantime, you can even go away for a few days. You can visit your parents, or go on a retreat by yourself.
How can I leave when my husband is cheating on me? you might ask.
Thinking that your absence is going to encourage his cheating behavior is wrong. It shows that you’re insecure and you think you can control things if you’re by his side.
But the truth is that you can’t – the fact that you’re trying to win him back from another woman is proof of that.
However, he will notice if you’re gone. I mean, you’re his wife. He is used to having you around and providing him with emotional support and other valuable things.
That’s when he’ll realize how much he misses you. He’ll start thinking about what you told him and how much he hurt you.
And, this will give you a chance to win your husband back.
6) Show him what he will lose if he keeps cheating on you
Another purpose of becoming emotionally unavailable to your husband for a short while or leaving for a few days is to start showing him what he’ll lose if he keeps cheating on you.
Let me explain:
As a wife, you are most probably caring and compassionate with your husband; you support him and encourage him. You listen to him talking about his day and so on.
Well, if you stop being so, it will have an impact on him. He won’t be careless just because there’s another woman in the picture.
Just think about this for a second…
Do you actually believe that she can replace you and everything you have to offer?
Men usually cheat because they’re looking to escape and for sexual gratification. Simply put, your husband probably didn’t cheat on you because he fell in love.
His reasons may have been more superficial than you think.
So, deprive him of valuable aspects of your relationship, not just physical intimacy.
If your husband values those things, he’ll rethink his actions and actually stop seeing the other woman.
7) Provide your husband with the emotional support only a wife can give
You may need to give him some time, but once you start being emotionally unavailable to your husband, he’ll start missing the way things were.
This is where you come back with a bang and provide him with the emotional support only a wife can give and more. You show him that despite his affair, he’s still important to you.
Paul Brian – writer and journalist – confirms this:
“The best thing you can do when another woman is after your man is to strengthen the relationship you have with him. He’s not going to wander off if he’s feeling fulfilled and in love at home. For this reason, focus on building up the best parts of what you already have.”
Well, I’m not going to tell you how to do it because there are too many things you can do. You can create surprise dates or use your creativity and start thinking of interesting things to do together.
The point is that you start investing time and energy in your marriage again. You show him that even though he hurt you, he’s the only one for you and there’s nothing you can’t get through together.
8) Focus on winning back your husband, not on the other woman
A big no-no that you should definitely avoid is focusing on the other woman.
Amy Dodd Pilkington, published author, explains it really well:
“Your man is a cheater, and you need to stop blaming the other woman for his bad behavior. If it wasn’t her, it would be someone else.”
I know this is tough to hear, but she makes a really good point. I mean, if your husband cheated, it’s because there was something missing.
“When you blame someone else, you’re telling him it’s not his fault. You’re telling him he can’t help himself,” she adds.
So, stop wasting your energy on the other woman and start focusing on winning your husband back, not on giving him the wrong impressions.
9) Try to understand your husband’s wants and needs
Listen, even if it isn’t your fault your husband has an affair, you still have some blame in this situation.
Maybe you stopped working on the relationship or you were focusing too much on things that didn’t really matter.
But don’t worry, you can still turn things around and make your husband realize how much he values you.
How? By understanding his wants and needs.
According to Willard F. Jr. Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, a man needs the following 5 main things:
- Sexual fulfillment
- Recreational companionship
- Physical attractiveness
- Domestic support
So, if he’s looking for these kinds of things somewhere else, it means you’re not meeting his needs.
That’s why – if you want to win him back – you should talk to him and find out what he wants and how you can help him fulfill those needs.
Express your willingness to work on those things and try to understand exactly how you can make him happy.
If you know what he wants, you can start providing him with it.
10) Have patience and work on yourself
Last, but not least, to win your husband back from the other woman, you need to have patience and at the same time continue to work on yourself.
On one hand, you can’t expect things between the two of you to change overnight.
And on the other hand, to win a man back, you can’t let yourself go. You have to be strong and confident.
You can’t give up and start feeling sorry for yourself because you’re not getting what you want and your husband is cheating.
So, use this time to take care of yourself and actually improve as a person. Learn from your mistakes, take action, learn from what you’ve done wrong and move on.
You have to focus on the things that are truly important in life and forget about the other woman for now – your husband will too.
Winning your husband back from the other woman is not going to be easy, but if you play your cards right, you will succeed.
Don’t skip any steps and focus on what you can change in your relationship. Focus on yourself and work on providing the things your husband needs.
I know this is difficult, but you need to start somewhere.