How to turn a married man down: 10 no bullsh*t tips (practical guide)

When it comes to turning them down, married men are sometimes not that easy to deal with.

I had an experience a few months ago where I simply didn’t know how to go about turning a married man down, as he just didn’t seem to get the message.

However, after learning a bit more about the situation, I learned exactly what I needed to do in that situation, and I don’t want to keep it a secret!

I guarantee this will work with any married man you are trying to turn down!

How did I end up in that situation?

Okay, I feel like you might be a little curious, so let me answer some questions real quick: how did I even end up in that situation?

Well, I was out and about getting a few drinks at a bar, when a man approached me and we hit it off.

Way too late I realized that he was actually wearing a wedding ring!

And no, this was not a “maybe it’s a normal ring”-ring, this was a full-blown initials-carved-into-it-ring!

I felt like I was being hit in the face with this ring, and it was not something I could really handle.

I started to think about how to get out of that situation, but there were no clear options.

So I just tried to play it cool and see what would happen.

I asked him about his wife and he didn’t give me a clear answer.

At that point, I had already given him my number, so even when I said I was going home, I couldn’t stop him from texting me.

Now: how did I manage to turn him down?

Well, in the same way, you can turn any married man down.

Whether it is a colleague, a friend of the family, one of your buddies, or anyone else when a married man makes a move on you, you can turn him down with these few tricks:

1) Be clear about your intentions

Even if he is a married man, he must know where you stand and what your intentions are, no matter how subtle or obvious you might be.

As a married man, he might be attracted to your flirtatious and friendly nature, but at the same time, he might be trying to read between the lines and find out if you are keen on being more than friends.

When he finds out that you’re not interested in going any further than being friends, he will eventually back off.

You don’t have to go out of your way to make him feel bad, but he must know where you stand and how far you are willing to go with the relationship.

This will not only keep you safe, but it will also keep him from pursuing you any further after the necessary conversation.

Trust me, if you immediately set clear intentions, whether he’s a friend, a stranger at the bar, or anyone else, he will realize that you are not just an affair, but that you will not be with him.

2) Set boundaries

Make sure you set boundaries with this married man.

You don’t need to go into details about exactly what your boundaries are, but enough so that he knows where you stand in this situation.

That way he will understand that you are not here for games and that the relationship must remain professional, especially if you know him from work.

This will set the tone and let him know that you are not interested in being his side chick.

You see, boundaries could look like letting him know that you will not tolerate him flirting with you or touching you in any way.

Or potentially, your boundaries are that you will not allow him to be a friend with benefits.

You can even set boundaries that you will allow him to be friends with you, but not more than that.

3) Stay firm and stick to your words

This part of the conversation is crucial and you have to be firm and stick to your words.

There is no reason to be rude or aggressive, but it is important that you express yourself and make sure he understands.

You will not be friends with the benefits, or his mistress, or whatever you want to call it.

You will simply be friends.

That is it. No invitation to new levels of friendship. Nothing else.

He can become offended, but it is important that you stand by your words and don’t change your mind.

You may not know why he is married, or how long he’s been married, but he has chosen to be married and that is his choice, so you must respect that and keep the friendship strictly on a friendly level.

You see, if a married man can’t stick to the vows and promises he made to his wife, then that’s obviously his fault, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to stick to your own morals and values.

I don’t know how about you, but I choose to be a person who respects other people’s relationships and their decisions.

I don’t want to be a part of a man’s life who is cheating on his wife, so I will not do anything to get involved in that.

There is no need for drama or any other kind of confrontation between the two of you.

4) Don’t be overly nice

You don’t want to be seen as a girl who is always trying to make him feel better.

Sometimes, you simply have to be blunt and straightforward. You don’t really need to be the girl who makes everything about him and tries to cheer him up when he is feeling down.

You can be nice without being overly nice.

Make sure to be a friend who he can turn to when he needs someone to talk to, but don’t be too much in his business or too eager to make him feel better.

He will begin to sense that you care too much and it can make him get the wrong idea about where you stand with him.

Trust me, many men mistake being nice for flirting, so keep things relatively cool between the two of you.

5) Be direct and honest

Sometimes, you have to be direct and honest, and that is okay.

You don’t have to give a long explanation and sound like a fool. Sometimes, a simple sentence will do. “I am not interested in being more than friends.”

“I’m not interested in having a relationship outside of this office.”

“I’m not going to date you.”

“I don’t want to be part of an affair.” And so on.

You don’t have to get too complicated, just stay honest and direct.

Trust me, being direct and honest is oftentimes the only way to get a man to understand that you don’t want to be with him.

6) Ask for his wife’s contact information

If you really want to take this to the next level, you can ask for his wife’s contact information.

This will show him that you really care about his marriage and want to be able to support his marriage to the fullest extent.

It will also show him that you are willing to tell his wife everything if he ever tries a move on you.

This is the biggest way to show him that you are no longer interested in being more than friends and that you are serious about your intentions.

When he knows that you are about to get in contact with his wife, he will definitely leave you alone, I can guarantee that.

7) Change the subject

Sometimes, the best way to get rid of the conversation is to change the subject.

You don’t have to get into a big argument or start an unnecessary conversation just to avoid the topic.

Just change the subject and move on. Sometimes, it is the best option.

When you keep changing the subject whenever he tries to flirt, he will eventually get the point, trust me!

8) Tell him how much you despise cheaters

If you are a strong woman, you will have a strong opinion on cheating, and the best way to turn him down is to tell him how much you despise cheaters.

He may try to defend his actions, but he deserves to know that you despise his actions and that he has no place in your life.

At the end of the day, you are not in his shoes and you don’t know exactly how he feels, but you can voice your opinion and let him know how you feel about his actions.

He may end up apologizing for his actions and you can simply walk away from the conversation with your head held high.

Trust me, there is no better way to turn a married man down than to tell him how unattractive his betrayal is to you.

Not only will he not get what he wants, you will also leave him feeling bad for his actions.

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9) Talk about your own partner (or make one up)

Sometimes, the best way to turn a married man down is simply to tell him you have a partner.

The point is, you have a partner, and this man doesn’t have a chance in the world of getting into a relationship with you.

When he asks about your partner, simply let him know that you have one and that he is your world. You can even make up a partner.

You can make up a partner and their name and tell him that your partner is there for you and loves you very much.

I know, it is kind of an old trick in the book, but it works!

10) Just say no and stick to your morals

At the end of the day, it is your choice. You don’t want to date married men, and you don’t want to date cheaters.

You don’t want to break up a marriage, and you don’t want to be someone’s side chick.

Simply put, you have morals, and you want to stick to them.

That is the best way to turn down a married man. He may fight. He may try to convince you.

He may try to guilt trip you or he may try to manipulate you into dating him.

But at the end of the day, you have to stick to your morals and your values and know that you made the right decision.

The thing is, he can’t make you do anything, so if you stay stern in your morals, then you are winning here.

As long as you say no, nothing bad can happen!

Best case you will even remind him of the fact that he has morals to uphold and values to follow.

What now?

I know, it can be a bit difficult at first when a married man wants to be with you and you have to turn him down, but don’t be afraid of it!

When I was in your situation, I followed these tips and it was really easy to turn him down.

Of course, always make sure you are feeling safe and good when you do this.

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Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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