11 easy ways to trigger the hero instinct through text

Are guys and girls really so different? In some ways no. But there’s no getting away from the fact that biology is powerful.

Research suggests that men’s and women’s brains work in slightly different ways. We also have different primal drives.

Men’s deepest motivations for doing things are often not understood by most women. That’s where the hero instinct comes in.

What is the hero instinct, and how can you trigger it through text? This article will tell you everything you need to know.

However, if you want to get a complete overview of the hero instinct from the relationship expert who discovered the concent, watch his simple and genuine video here.

What is the hero instinct?

First off, let’s have a little crash course in what exactly we mean when we talk about a guy’s hero instinct.

The hero instinct is a very important concept in relationship psychology. It was coined by James Bauer in his popular book His Secret Obsession.

In a nutshell, it says that every man wants to be a hero. Importantly, he wants to be treated like a hero by his partner, and he needs assurance that he is a real hero.

If that sounds like some outdated sexist notion, then remember we’re talking about DNA. This is an innate desire in men.

Men want to protect and provide for the people they care most about. The catch is, he can’t trigger this instinct in himself. He needs you to do it.

What should I say to trigger his hero instinct through text?

 1) Ask for his help with something

You’ve probably heard of the phrase “a man’s work is never done.” Well, it turns out that’s true.

A man’s work isn’t actually done until he has helped someone else. This is why he’s always looking for opportunities to swoop in and assist so that he can feel like your hero. (If you ever get a flat tire in a city center, see how long it is until a swarm of men descends!).

He’ll happily offer to lend you a hand if you ask. If you don’t, he might just assume you don’t need any help.

Asking for help is a great way to trigger his hero instinct as he wants to feel useful to you. Feeling like a spare part in your life is incredibly emasculating for any guy.

So, next time you need something, ask him.

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • Help! My car is making this really weird noise. Think you can take a look at it for me?
  • Don’t laugh but I need your help. This huge spider has moved into my bathtub and I need it gone ASAP.
  • I’m moving apartments on Saturday and could really do with a hand with some of the heavier boxes. Any chance you can be my hero and lend a hand?

2) Show him you appreciate him

There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who appreciates her man. And showing appreciation is a surefire way to turn him into your hero.

To show him how much you value him, show gratitude for the big and small things he does for you. We all like to hear “thank you”, and your man is no different.

When he goes above and beyond to make you happy, give him a shoutout. When he takes the time to cook you dinner or clean up after you, send him a quick message saying “Thank You” and “I love you”.

It’s not rocket science. Just like us, men want to know they’re appreciated.

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • I really appreciate you giving me a ride to work this morning. Thanks for saving me from a boring bus journey.
  • Thank you for cooking dinner last night. It was totally delicious. I loved it.
  • The flowers you bought me yesterday really made my day. I’m still smiling.

3) Focus on his inner hero

Now you probably understand the basics of the Hero Instinct concept. But how can you actually focus on his inner hero?

Let me first explain how the hero instinct works.

The truth is that the hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.

But how do you trigger this instinct in him?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

4) Big him up

He wants you on his team. He needs to know you respect him. That’s why complimenting him and never tearing him down in front of others is huge when it comes to triggering his hero instinct.

How do you do this?

Simple. Tell him what he did well. What he said or did that stood out to you. How he handled a situation. Or even better, tell him what he did that impressed you.

Playful teasing is one thing, but always avoid belittling, mocking, or criticizing. When a man cares about a woman he wants to impress her. So show him that he is succeeding.

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • You in that new shirt of yours = sexy!
  • I’ve been telling all my friends about your promotion. I’m such a proud girlfriend right now.

5) Don’t go overboard with the praise

I know, I know. I’ve just said that you need to give him plenty of praise and appreciation. But there are limits.

Why? Because if you go overboard, it becomes condescending and insincere. You want to make him feel like a hero, not like you are his kindergarten teacher telling him what a clever boy he is.

The key here is balance. A little bit of praise will do wonders. So if you’re feeling particularly generous, tell him how amazing he is once in a while. But avoid overdoing it. Otherwise, he may start thinking you’re patronizing him.

You can keep your praise playful and light, without sounding like an obsessed stalker.

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • Nice job with dinner last night, I’m actually fairly impressed by your skills in the kitchen. Let’s see what else you can do.
  • Thanks for de-icing the car this morning. I’m going to brainstorm a few ways I can return the favor 😉

6) Show him he makes you happy

You man wants to make you happy. As they say: “happy wife, happy life”.

If you want to trigger his hero instinct, then you need to let him know that you’re happy around him.

This doesn’t mean you have to put on a fake smile or act like everything is perfect even when you’re arguing.

It means showing your true feelings. If life is better when he is around, don’t leave him in any doubt.

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • Just a little message to let you know that you make me so happy.
  • I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I always have so much fun when we’re together.
  • I love being married to you. You’re my best friend.

7) Keep him on his toes

Keeping him on his toes isn’t about playing mind games or being difficult for him to read. I’m talking about challenging him.

All heroes love a challenge after all. Sure, it might not involve wielding his sword to defeat the bad guy, but there are plenty of other ways to do it.

Challenge him to a game of chess. Challenge him to a cooking competition. Challenge him to a puzzle. Challenge him to fix something that’s broken.

You can also challenge him by piquing his interest and intriguing him (this is perfect during the early stages of dating). Being challenged by the woman he loves encourages him to rise to the occasion.

This relates back to what I mentioned earlier about the hero instinct

When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to overcome his insecurities and commit.

And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.

All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your man.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • How about some friendly competition with a Fortnite battle later?
  • My laptop is playing up, think you can have a go at fixing it?
  • You know what surprised me the most when we first got to know each other?
  • I was thinking today about my first impressions of you, want to hear them?

8) Make him feel manly

He Tarzan, you Jane.

We’re not talking about toxic masculinity or BS gender roles. But every guy wants to feel manly.

So, if you want to trigger his heroic instincts, then show him that you respect his manly prowess.

It also means you shouldn’t mother him. When you care about someone it’s tempting for the nurturing to go overboard at times. But doing too much for him, and never needing him to step up to the plate for you is a huge turn-off.

Ask him to do things that make him feel strong and capable. Like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, or helping carry your suitcase.

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • Can I borrow your muscles later? I need to get something down from the loft
  • Do you think you could help me lift this? I’ve been meaning to ask you to move it for months.

9) Ask for his advice

If you want to trigger the hero instinct in your guy, then don’t just get his help on things, be sure to ask him for his advice too.

Getting his counsel shows you value his opinions and ideas. And that’s exactly what he wants. He wants to feel needed and valued — for his body, mind and soul.

Ask him what he thinks of a project you’re working on. Ask him how he would handle a situation. Ask him what he’d do differently.

pexels tima miroshnichenko 5560375 11 easy ways to trigger the hero instinct through text

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • Do you like this dress or the other one best? Trying to decide what I should wear to our date.
  • What do you think about this idea for my pitch at work? I was thinking…
  • Hey, I was wondering if you had any thoughts on…

10) Support his goals and dream

Think of a time when you told someone about your plans or ambitions, and you got back a flat response or sheer disinterest. How did it feel? Obviously not great.

You should be your partner’s biggest cheerleader. That means showing him that you believe in him. It means telling him that you see his limitless potential.

When you support him, he feels good about himself. He feels worthy. He feels wanted. And he’ll start to believe that he has a chance at achieving his dreams.

Whatever his goals in life and career may be — be encouraging, be supportive, be positive. You want him to know that he’s special.

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • I’m so proud of you for getting that job! You deserve it.
  • You’re amazing. I always knew you were destined for greatness.
  • You’re going to be an awesome dad. You’re such a natural with kids.

11) Give him space to do his own thing

Nobody likes a clingy partner. No matter how much he enjoys being with you, he doesn’t want to be around someone who needs constant attention.

So, give him some space. Let him take charge of his own life. Don’t try to control everything he does or get moody when he wants to spend time on his hobbies or interests.

Let him live his life without you hovering over him. He’ll appreciate it, and you’ll have more freedom as well.

Example texts to trigger his hero instinct

  • I was thinking, why don’t you have a boy’s night out this weekend? I’m sure I can manage without you for a night.
  • If you feel like going rock climbing tonight, I thought maybe I’d go and have a drink with a friend.

What is the hero instinct 12-word text?

Maybe you’ve found this article because you have already heard of the hero instinct text and wanted to know more?

James Bauer’s 12-word text is based on his hero instinct concept, which he discusses in detail in his book ‘His Secret Obsession’.

He combines all his research to create one simple text you can send your man to trigger that instinct.

It sounds kind of crazy, but there are so many women out there who talk about how it has changed their life.

Maybe you feel like he has been pulling away recently and want to grab his attention back. Perhaps you just want to tenfold his desire, commitment, and love towards you.

The best thing to do is watch this free video on how to trigger his hero instinct.  It will tell you everything you should know to have him eating out of the palm of your hands.

Click here to watch the video now and learn exactly what the 12-word text is (word for word!).

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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