As if dealing with betrayal wasn’t enough, you now have to figure out how to fix another issue: your overthinking habits.
While overthinking after being cheated on is far from uncommon, this doesn’t mean that you have to accept it.
In fact, there are numerous effective ways that can help you stop hurting yourself by overthinking.
But, before we get into that, let’s get one thing straight:
What is overthinking and why does it happen?
Overthinking is when you obsess over one thought – or a series of thoughts – to the point of negatively impacting your life.
This makes it a harmful habit, and one that can lead to anxiety, depression, and even obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
When people suffer from overthinking, they may find that they are unable to make decisions and move forward in their lives, which can be extremely frustrating and harmful.
But what are some of the common reasons why someone might overthink?
- Lack of self-confidence: If you’ve been through a traumatic experience, you may have become more prone to overthinking. When you are in pain and can’t move forward, your mind will work overtime to try and make sense of what just happened to you.
- Uncertainty about the future: If you are in a situation that is uncertain and difficult, your mind may be constantly busy trying to make sense of the situation.
- Fear: For some people, fear is what causes them to overthink. Fear keeps your mind going and going.
- Stress: In addition to fear, having a lot of stress in your life can also cause you to overthink. Stress can trigger many different types of thoughts, including worry and anxiety.
Ways to stop overthinking after being cheated on
1) Focus on the present moment
What is the first step to stop overthinking?
Try to be mindful!
Before you skip to the next point, let me tell you that this advice doesn’t just apply to those who suffer from anxiety; it’s an important practice for all of us (especially after being cheated on).
Mindfulness helps you recognize the moment when you are caught in a loop of unproductive thoughts and then train your brain to let them go and get back to the present moment.
What is one of the best ways to start practicing mindfulness?
You can start by sitting in silence for 10 minutes a day. During this time, you should avoid all distractions and focus on your breathing, allowing thoughts to come and go without getting caught up in them.
2) Practice self-care
When you’re in the midst of a lot of distress, it can be hard to take care of yourself. And yet, self-care is an important way of breaking the overthinking pattern.
How so? Well, it gives you a chance to take a break and gives your emotions space to settle. It also gives you some energy back so that you can address your challenges.
Are you wondering how to practice self-care?
You can practice self-care in many different ways, such as by seeking out therapy, practicing mindfulness, getting enough sleep, eating healthfully, and more.
You can also make sure you’re spending time with people who care about you. While this may not seem like you’re actually taking care of yourself, it is an important part of helping you through a difficult time.
3) Want advice specific to your situation?
While the suggestions in this article will help you deal with your overthinking issue after being cheated on, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like being cheated on and overthinking it. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
4) Change your environment
Sometimes, the best way to stop overthinking is to change up your environment so that you aren’t caught in the same pattern.
You may need to distance yourself from certain things or people that are triggering you and spend more time outside.
If possible, you should also try to temporarily change your routine so that the thoughts and feelings swirling inside of you don’t have their usual environment to swirl around in.
You see, your environment influences how you think, feel and behave.
So, if you change your environment, you can change your thoughts and feelings as well.
5) Accept the things you can’t control
Sometimes, it feels impossible to stop overthinking after being cheated on, but this doesn’t mean that there’s nothing you can do about it.
In fact, there are many things that are out of your control that can cause you to overthink. For example, you can’t change the fact that your partner cheated on you.
You can’t control whether or not your relationship will work out. What’s more, you can’t control whether or not your partner will cheat on you again.
Hence, there is a lot of room for uncertainty and overthinking in these situations. So, the first place to start with this strategy is to accept things that are out of your control.
I know this could be the hardest thing to do, especially since you have to fight your own feelings. But if you really want to get out of the cycle of overthinking, you should at least try to accept what you can’t change.
6) Use positive affirmations to train your brain
One of the best ways to stop overthinking after being cheated on is to use positive affirmations.
What are they?
Well, they are simply positive statements that you make about yourself and your situation that you repeat to yourself throughout the day.
How do they work?
Studies have shown that positive affirmations are very effective in helping people to stop overthinking. Here are some of the reasons why:
Positive affirmations force your brain to think about good thoughts and make them more likely to take place. This creates a positive cycle that can limit the amount of time you spend thinking negative things.
In addition, positive affirmations can change your brain in a way that can change your behavior, which is great news because one of the best ways to stop overthinking occurs when you change your behavior.
But how do you use positive affirmations?
You can write down your affirmations on a piece of paper and repeat them out loud every day so that they are constantly on your mind.
7) Improve the relationship you have with yourself
After such a traumatic experience, you might ask yourself:
Why does love so often start out great, only to become a nightmare?
And what’s the solution to stop overthinking after being cheated on?
The answer is contained in the relationship you have with yourself.
I learned about this from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love and become truly empowered.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!
We need to face the facts about cheating and overthinking it:
Far too often we chase an idealized image of someone and build up expectations that are guaranteed to be let down.
Far too often we fall into the codependent roles of savior and victim to try to “fix” our partner, only to end up in a miserable, bitter routine.
Far too often, we are on shaky ground with ourselves and this carries over into toxic relationships that become hell on earth.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to stop overthinking after being cheated on – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to my problem.
If you’re done with having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
8) Don’t try to answer unanswerable questions
As you’re overthinking, you may find yourself asking unanswerable questions.
While it’s common for our minds to do this when we’re struggling with an issue, it’s definitely not healthy and it actually promotes overthinking.
These questions are burning holes in your brain – they’re actually not helpful at all. Why?
Because you’re not going to find any answers by replaying the situation or trying to make sense of things again and again. You’re probably just going to make yourself feel worse.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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So, it’s better to accept that you don’t have the answers and then let it go.
9) Don’t ruminate on the whys and what-ifs…
Sometimes, after a difficult experience such as being cheated on, it can be easy to start jumping from one idea to another.
You might find yourself going back and forth between “why” and “what if” thoughts – why did this happen? What if it happens again?
When you catch yourself doing this, stop and refocus your attention on something else. If you can’t stop the thoughts, then do the following exercise:
First, take a paper and pen and write down every thought that’s making you feel upset. When you’re done writing down your thoughts, read them out loud.
Afterward, ask yourself these two questions: “Is what I’m thinking true?” If the answer is no, then ask “Why am I thinking this way?”
Your answers should help you realize that your thoughts are unhelpful.
10) Do something you love
Want to know another effective way to stop overthinking after being cheated on?
Find a new hobby or do something you’re interested in!
If you find something you love to do, you will be less likely to overthink about the past and more likely to get your mind into a peaceful, relaxed state.
Don’t know where to start? Here are some suggestions:
- Create art: spend time alone drawing or painting something.
- Spend time with your friends and family.
- Go swimming, biking, or hiking.
- Spend time outdoors.
You can do virtually anything you want if you put your mind to it. But first, you have to get over the hard part: finding something that can truly take your mind off being cheated on.
11) Journal your feelings
This is a popular way to stop overthinking!
But, sometimes, even though you know you should journal your feelings, you may feel like you simply don’t want to.
I know what you’re feeling! However, when you’re caught in this negative pattern, journaling can help you out.
Journaling is a wonderful way to get your feelings and thoughts out of your head and down on paper.
And the best part? There is no wrong way to journal.
The benefits? You may find that when you journal your feelings, you start to see patterns in your thoughts and emotions that you didn’t realize were there before.
Also, seeing things in black and white can help you get a better idea of what’s real and what isn’t.
The result? You’ll start to feel better!
12) Get in the best physical shape you can
Did you know that physical activity is an amazing mood booster, stress reliever, and sleep aid?
It’s also a great way to clear your mind (even if only for a few minutes at a time).
Plus, when you’re in good physical shape, you’ll have more confidence, feel better about yourself, and be able to tackle the challenges you face with a clearer mind.
Whether you want to get fitter, stronger, or just feel better, having an exercise routine can help you cope with the stresses in your life.
Depending on your preference, you may even want to try yoga or other mindful activities that are designed to help clear your mind and relax your body.
13) Set yourself up for success
You may not even realize that you’re setting yourself up for failure by thinking too much. But if you’re trying to stop overthinking after cheating by doing this, you’re almost certainly going to fail.
A huge part of overcoming overthinking is having the right mindset. Instead of trying to stop overthinking after cheating, try to set yourself up for success.
What does this mean? With enough positive thinking, you’ll succeed in stopping overthinking after being cheated on.
Some things you can do to set yourself up for success include:
- Make a list of things you want to do and write them down.
- Think about and write down all the reasons you should be successful.
- Work on your goals daily and give yourself positive rewards for reaching them.
- Reward yourself for success and look for opportunities to become even more successful.
14) Join a support group
While joining a support group for people who have suffered from infidelity might seem counterproductive, it can actually be incredibly helpful.
While you might initially be reticent about joining such a group, you should know that you won’t be judged there. Rather, other people in your situation will be happy to share their stories and advice with you.
You might even find that you can connect with other people and help them by offering your own experiences and perspectives.
15) Learn to forgive and move on
If you’re trying to stop overthinking after being cheated on while simultaneously holding on to resentment, you’re only setting yourself up for pain.
Overthinking after being cheated on can be a way of trying to make sense of what happened in the first place. Holding on to feelings of resentment can also be a way of trying to make sense of what happened.
But, learning to forgive and move on can help you break this cycle and start a new chapter in your life.
However, if you can’t forgive, and you decide to hold on to resentment, your brain is only going to keep trying to make sense of the cheating that happened.
16) Do something nice for others
When you’re overthinking how your partner betrayed you and all the questions in your head about the relationship, it’s hard to think about anything else.
But if you have the ability to do something nice for others, you can help break this cycle and start thinking about something else other than your own issues.
For example, you can volunteer at a local food bank, visit a senior citizen’s home, or help out at a homeless shelter. By doing something nice for others, you can help yourself feel better.
Does the pain of being cheated on ever go away?
The simple answer is yes; the pain of being cheated on will eventually go away.
However, it might take some time.
If you and this person were not together for long before the cheating occurred, it might be easier to deal with.
If you and this person have been together for many years, it might be a little more challenging to move forward.
You may have a lot of questions about what happened and how you can move on; the process of moving on is different for each person in a situation like this.
But if you are able to do things that will help you stop overthinking after being cheated on, eventually the pain will go away, and you’ll be happy again.
Does being cheated on change you?
Any experience has an impact on you, and being cheated on is no different.
If you decide to stay with your partner and work things out, it can help you grow as a person.
If you decide to break up, it can help you to learn what’s important in another relationship.
Either way, these experiences are going to change the way that you think about relationships and people in general.
What it comes down to is that you are the one who decides what your experience means.
You get to decide how you want to move forward in response to this experience. And the more you choose a positive approach, the better off you will be.
Being cheated on can change you in many ways. Whether you let it change you for the better or for the worse is up to you.
But if you are working on moving past this experience, it’s important to know that it can also be a learning experience.
When does overthinking end?
Many people who have been cheated on tend to overthink it because they can’t get over the pain and betrayal. As a result, they try to find ways to stop thinking about what happened to them.
For some of them, the overthinking phase ends as soon as they make the decision to move on with their lives.
For others, the overthinking phase ends after they have processed the pain and betrayal they experienced.
In extreme cases, people can go through prolonged periods of overthinking due to unresolved issues.
So, when does it end? It depends on the person; overthinking can occur if you’re still attached to what happened.
But once you’ve processed the facts, your pain, and your loss, you’ll be able to stop thinking too much.
You can stop overthinking after being cheated on. That’s possible even though it might not seem like it at first.
If you’re going through this experience yourself, make a plan to start getting control of your thoughts and stick to it.
Focus on doing the things that you need to do no matter what. Over time, your plan will keep you from overthinking.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder