Anna Scheucher
Have you been feeling extra needy lately?
Being a needy girlfriend is not necessarily a title we want to be associated with, but sometimes we just can’t help it, right?
Well, here are 12 effective tips for you to stop being a needy girlfriend!
1) Identify why you are needy
The first step to being less needy is actually to identify why you are feeling needy.
Maybe you feel neglected and don’t get enough attention from your partner?
Or maybe you are feeling insecure about certain things and need validation?
Knowing the cause of your neediness is key to solving it.
Once you have identified what the root problem is, it will be easier to find a solution.
For some people, the cause for their neediness might stem all the way back from childhood.
Maybe you didn’t receive the right amount of love and affection in your childhood, and as a result, you feel the need to seek it out from others.
If this is the case, then you might want to consider seeking out some professional help to deal with this issue.
You can go see a therapist or even just talk to your friends about it.
The thing is, neediness is usually just a symptom of a much bigger problem.
Unless you deal with the root cause, the symptoms will keep showing up in all your relationships!
If the cause lies in the fact that your partner is dismissive and doesn’t give you attention, try to communicate with him openly.
Ask him what you can do to improve the situation and make him understand that you are feeling left out.
2) Understand your self-worth
If you don’t value your own worth, other people won’t either.
The first step to getting over being needy is understanding your own self-worth.
If you know that you are worth a lot, then you will stop feeling the need to prove it to others.
The more you value yourself, the less you will need validation from your partner or others.
This is because you will realize that you are capable of taking care of yourself and don’t need to be dependent on someone else.
One way to improve your self-worth is to learn how to love yourself unconditionally and without any expectations.
When you have a healthy sense of self-worth, you will know that you deserve respect, love, and affection from others too.
It always sounds easier said than done – just love yourself.
But how can you actually do that?
Well, you can start with little things.
Do nice things for yourself, learn to trust yourself by keeping small promises to yourself, be kind and caring towards yourself, etc.
You can even start by just being more aware of your thoughts and feelings.
Don’t judge yourself for having negative thoughts or feelings.
Instead, try to understand why you have them and what you can do to change them.
Remember that it is not easy to change overnight.
It might take time for you to develop a healthy sense of self-worth.
But it is definitely worth the effort!
3) Bring out his inner hero
If you want to feel less needy and get your man to worship you, you can try bringing out his inner hero.
I’m not kidding!
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.
This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.
Here’s a link to his unique video again.
4) Be confident in yourself
The best way to stop being so needy is to remember that you are a strong woman who doesn’t need anyone’s validation.
So, be confident and know that you don’t need a man. You can do whatever you want on your own.
When you are confident, you will stop feeling the need to prove to others that you are worthy of their attention.
You will also be less likely to feel jealous when someone else gets the attention that you want.
So, be confident and know that you are good enough and don’t need anyone else to tell you otherwise.
However, similar to knowing your self-worth, confidence doesn’t just randomly appear.
Contrary to popular belief, confidence actually has nothing to do with your appearance, and actually goes hand in hand with your self-worth!
How can you be more confident?
Well, the first step is to understand that confidence comes from within.
You can’t fake it.
So, stop trying to do that!
When you are confident, you will naturally exude a certain aura about you that others can’t help but notice and admire.
But how can you get there?
The best way to get more confident is to stop worrying about what other people think of you and start caring more about what YOU think of yourself.
Remember that when other people say they don’t like something about you, they are not saying anything bad about YOU as a person – they are just expressing their own opinions.
The biggest thing to remember is people are usually very preoccupied with themselves and when they do offer a negative opinion about you that isn’t constructive in any way, it says more about them than it does about you!
So, don’t let other people’s opinions affect you.
Instead, focus on your own opinion of yourself and recognize that you are a strong woman who can do whatever she wants.
5) Prioritize your needs
This can be tough to do, but it’s important.
Prioritize your needs.
The more you put yourself first, the less needy you will feel.
Needy people are people who always say yes when others ask them for favors because they think it’s what people want from them.
Don’t be that person and don’t let other people make you feel like you’re not good enough if you don’t do their bidding.
Instead, focus on prioritizing your own needs.
You see, oftentimes we feel needy when our needs aren’t met – makes sense, right?
Well, to combat that, you just have to figure out how to meet your own needs.
This can be tough at first, but once you start doing this you will begin to feel more confident.
In fact, I’m willing to bet that the more you focus on yourself and your needs, the more confident you will become.
I know, I know, this is a tough one because relationships are supposed to be about putting the other person first and being there for them when they need it most.
However, those of us who have been in a relationship before understand that we don’t always get what we need from our partners.
And when that happens?
Well, it’s easy to get resentful and start feeling needy towards them because they’re not meeting our needs.
But that’s when you need to step up and be there for yourself.
6) Know when to ask for help
There are some things that you can’t do for yourself and are better off asking for help.
You’re a strong, independent woman, but don’t be afraid to ask for assistance when needed.
This can be hard because you don’t want to seem like a weak woman who can’t do things on her own, but there are times when it’s okay to ask for help.
And if you need advice from someone? Well, that’s okay too!
There are times when we want advice and we’re afraid of being judged because we think people will think less of us if they know what we’re going through.
But that’s not true.
There are people who are here to help you, and the only way you’re going to get advice is if you ask for it!
When you feel like you are being extra needy, it’s up to you to decide whether it’s something you can deal with on your own or if you want to reach out for professional help.
There is nothing wrong with going to therapy, and there are plenty of people who will be happy to help you.
7) Take some time for yourself
When you’re feeling needy, it’s easy to make everything about the other person.
But if you continue to do this, you’re going to burn yourself out and become resentful towards the other person.
So what do you do?
Take some time for yourself!
It might seem counter-intuitive, but making sure there are some moments where both of you have time away from each other can actually help alleviate neediness and make both of you happier in the relationship.
The key here is balance – both parties need time alone and together.
Sometimes when we are around our boyfriends all day we expect them to constantly cater to us and do absolutely everything for us.
That leads us down a path where we become resentful and needy–not good! So let’s add some more alone time to the mix.
Go out with your friends or stay in with a good book – just give yourself some time away from the relationship.
After all, we all need a little bit of space from our partner every now and then!
It can be easy for our relationships to fall into routines, but this may make you feel like you’re not getting enough attention.
So, find something that you enjoy doing, whether it’s painting, reading, or cooking – and do it often.
Taking some time for yourself and also finding time for your hobbies will keep you feeling independent and less needy.
And as an added bonus, it will also give you something to talk about with your partner when you do get together!
Simply put, if you are feeling overly needy, give yourself some time for yourself and find something that makes you happy!
And the best part? It will make him more interested in you, too!
This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to fulfill your needs.
And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.
All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your man.
Here’s a link to the free video again.
8) Surround yourself with friends who love you for you
When you spend more time with friends who love you for you, you can be less needy with your partner.
You know, your friends will not only give you more perspective on your relationship, but they will also be able to fulfill some of your needs so your partner doesn’t have to step up for all of them.
Your friends can help you see the big picture. They will understand your relationship better than anyone else and they will give you a boost of self-confidence if you ever need it.
They will be there for you when you feel like giving up on your relationship and if things do not work out, they’ll be there for you to help with the heartbreak.
The thing about people who care about us is that they want us to be happy, even if it means we are not with them or the person we are with is not treating us well.
Chances are if you’ve been feeling needy, there is a chance that you have been neglecting your friends in exchange for spending more time with your partner.
9) Develop healthy boundaries
One of the best ways to stop being needy with your girlfriend is to develop healthy boundaries.
Healthy boundaries allow you to feel confident and happy in a relationship, but also give you space. And that’s the key!
Boundaries can feel scary at first. They might make you feel like you are walking on eggshells and that your partner will get upset with you.
But boundaries are not meant to hurt anyone. They are meant to protect you, your feelings, and your time.
When we set healthy boundaries in our relationships, we can stop feeling needy because we know how much time we want to spend with our partners and what we will not tolerate in the relationship.
You do not need to tell your partner that you have boundaries if they do not ask for them.
And if you want to tell them, just communicate with them about it calmly and clearly.
Don’t feel guilty about saying no to something or someone, especially when it’s for your own benefit! It’s okay to say no sometimes when it’s for your own good!
What kinds of boundaries should you set?
Well, you can set boundaries for yourself!
For example:
- I will only text him at lunch today
- I won’t check up on him every 30 minutes
- I will go out with friends one night a week to give him time
- I won’t stalk his social media
These boundaries with yourself will really help you feel less needy.
10) Find out your attachment style
Attachment theory is the idea that we all have a specific attachment style that relates to how secure we felt in our childhoods.
An attachment style is made up of four categories: secure, anxious-preoccupied, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant.
Here is a better explanation of them:
- Secure: not very emotionally dependent on a partner; does not need constant reassurance from their partner
- Anxious-preoccupied: often gets anxious about their relationship, needs lots of reassurance from their partner
- Avoidant: does not want to get too close to others because they fear rejection and pushes people away
- Fearful-avoidant: wants to get close to others but feels like they can’t; often has low self-esteem
Chances are, you fall under the anxious-preoccupied or fearful-avoidant category when you are needy.
Doing research on this and working on moving towards a more secure attachment style will essentially help you become less needy!
11) Identify your clingy behaviors
It’s important to identify your clingy behaviors first before you can work on getting rid of them.
Ask yourself which behaviors can be considered clingy or needy and how you can avoid those.
You can also ask your partner or friends for help in this matter if you’d like!
But remember:
It is okay to be clingy sometimes! This brings me to my last point:
12) Being needy is okay to some extent
There is an amazing video out there that talks about how there is actually nothing wrong with feeling needy from time to time.
Turns out there are even some upsides of being needy!
- it’s a sign of being authentically human and feeling the full range of human emotion
- it’s a sign that you’re interested in someone and care about them
- it’s a strong sign of love and affection
- it shows that you want to be with them not just for now but for longer
- it can bring you closer to someone (especially when that person is there for you and does something against your neediness)
- it’s a sign that you’re allowing yourself to be emotionally fulfilled
- it shows that this person matters enough to you that it hurts when they don’t care about us
If you want to find out more, check out this amazing video:
You will be okay
Even if you feel down right now, remember that you will be okay eventually.
The mere fact that you are researching how to be less needy already shows that you are making progress.
Don’t be too hard on yourself and remember that you are inherently worthy and you deserve the world.
By now you should have a good idea of how to be less needy.
So what can you do to resolve this?
Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.
You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.
And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.
