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How to stop being a needy and desperate man: 17 key tips

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Do you feel like a needy and desperate man?

You might be if you’re constantly asking for advice, or are always looking for someone to take care of you.

It’s time to break the habit of needing others.

This article is going to give you 17 key tips on how to stop being a needy and desperate man.

1) Lower your expectations

Being needy and desperate is often the result of unrealistic expectations.

Expecting your friends and family to drop everything instantly and cater to all your desires can leave you feeling powerless, hurt, and resentful.

The key is to understand that nobody is responsible for your happiness and well-being but you.

Take charge of your life and lower your expectations of others by only asking for what you really need.

Key point:

Your happiness is your responsibility and nobody else’s.

2) Stop trying to read people’s minds and make guesses about their feelings

When you desperately try to figure out what people are thinking and feeling, it usually makes them feel like you’re a needy and desperate man.

After all, how can someone who is so clueless about what’s going on in other people’s heads be trusted to help them?

It gets worse:

Constantly guessing about what others are thinking and feeling is an exhausting and futile exercise.

When you try to read people’s minds, you can’t take care of yourself because your head will be full of other people.

As a result, there’s no room for you to think about how to fix your life.

If you find yourself being needy and desperate, stop trying to read people’s minds and instead focus on taking care of yourself.

3) Work on your confidence

Imagine this:

You’re in a relationship with someone who you’re deeply in love with, but you’re constantly doubting yourself and your ability to make them happy.

Your life seems to be spinning out of control, and you can see the future being downright bleak if things don’t change.

You find yourself constantly trying to please this person but quickly get frustrated when you feel like nobody is listening to your ideas.

This creates an endless cycle of being needy and desperate.

But you could change this needy behavior by working on your confidence.

I learned this from relationship expert Kate Spring.

As she taught me, confidence sparks something deep inside women that sets off instant attraction.

If you want to boost your confidence around women, check out Kate’s excellent free video here.

Watching Kate’s videos has been a game-changer for me. Because I know exactly how it feels to be stuck in a relationship that just isn’t working.

However, with Kate’s help, I’ve been with the sort of high-quality women I never thought possible. The confidence she has given me has helped me succeed in other areas of life too.

Here’s a link to Kate’s free video again.

4) Be clear on the boundaries and limitations

Another tip to get over being desperate and needy is to be clear on the boundaries and limitations.

In other words, let the people around you know what is okay and what isn’t okay.

Think of it like this:

If you’re needy and desperate, it’s like you’re living in some sort of Wonderland where there are no boundaries or limitations.

But life isn’t like that.

If you want to thrive, then you need to be clear on the boundaries and limitations. Otherwise, you’ll always have people trying to take advantage of your generosity.

So take the time to be clear on what is and isn’t okay.

5) Take time out for yourself as much as possible

Have you ever found yourself constantly trying to take care of other people?

For example:

You’re a single parent and instead of going out with friends, you always have to make sure your child comes home on time from school.

You’re also worried about your friends and family because you can’t be there for them all the time.

In such a situation, you’re constantly trying to put other people’s wishes before your own. And as a result, you become needy and desperate.

You can overcome this by taking enough time for yourself.

So give it a go:

Make sure to take enough time for yourself every day.

This includes getting enough sleep, doing things that make you happy, and limiting the amount of time you spend on things that don’t make you happy.

6) Stop narrating your own thoughts

When you’re constantly telling yourself stories about what went wrong in your past, you’re doing it again.

And as a result, you’re becoming needy and desperate.

The key is to realize that you should stop narrating your thoughts. Instead, simply listen to how the world is telling you how it is. Then act accordingly.

This will give you the opportunity to really be present and remember that nobody except yourself can make you happy or unhappy.

So keep in mind:

Before starting any conversation, try to restrain your mind by saying “listen to what is going on right now.” You’ll start to feel a lot more in control and relaxed.

7) Take matter into your own hands

A man who is needy and desperate can often be a man who has lost his power. And as a result, he becomes more of a bystander than an active participant in his own life.

In other words, he ends up being acted upon rather than taking action himself. And his partner is often the one who has all the power in the relationship.

Or in case you don’t have a girlfriend, it’s hard for you to find one since girls want to be with a man who has control and power.

However, you can overcome this by taking matters into your own hands, then you’re much more likely to attract the right type of woman for you.

This goes back to what I mentioned earlier – understanding women isn’t tough, it just takes someone who knows to show you the way.

And that person is relationship expert Kate Spring.

In this free video, you’ll learn exactly how to attract the woman of your dreams with Kate’s effective techniques.

Whether it’s working on your confidence or learning some of the best-kept secrets about women, you’ll learn a few techniques that’ll certainly improve your dating life.

Here’s a link to the free video once again.

8) Find a way to express yourself without being overly concerned

A guy who is deeply insecure often makes sure that other people around him don’t feel like second-class citizens.

Or he might find himself bending over backward to make others feel comfortable and happy.

This is a natural reaction. But it also leads to behavior that you want to avoid.

It’s very easy for you to go overboard and become overly concerned with other people’s needs rather than your own, which leads to needy and desperate behavior.

But the lesson here is:

Learn to express yourself without being overly concerned with other people. This way, you’ll actually be able to draw people in rather than push them away.

9) Remember that you are not the center of people’s world

Once you understand that you’re not the center of people’s world, it becomes much easier for you to achieve your goals. And this is especially true if you aim for big goals.

For example:

You might want to land a new business contract that could make or break your career.

In such a situation, you might be tempted to call up a lot of people and humbly ask them for favors. But this is needy and desperate behavior.

Instead, you need to put yourself first.

This is because if you don’t, others aren’t going to be willing to help you.

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So find a way to put yourself first. This will make it easier for others to look out for you as well.

10) Stop fishing for compliments when they’re not given freely

It’s very easy to go overboard when you’re constantly fishing for compliments.

For example, you might get upset if your girlfriend doesn’t say that she loves you back.

Or maybe you’re working on a new project and it’s not going well because you are scared of being criticized by other people.

Either way, when people don’t freely compliment you or offer their advice, it can be difficult for them to be genuinely helpful.

But you can overcome this by recalling the following advice:

If people aren’t complimenting you, it’s probably because they’re busy and don’t have time to do so. Instead of taking it personally, simply realize that they are too busy to help.

So when they don’t help you, take a step back, take a deep breath and realize that you can’t expect them to solve all your problems for you.

In a nutshell:

You can overcome these needy and desperate behaviors by simply thinking of things in a different way and stopping fishing for compliments when they’re not freely given.

11) Keep your emotions in check around others and your partner

One of the best tips to stop being needy and desperate is to keep your emotions in check around people.

This doesn’t mean that you need to be cold and not express your thoughts or feelings to people.

What it does mean, however, is to control your emotions – whether they’re positive or negative.

This means you shouldn’t get upset if someone is angry with you. And you also shouldn’t constantly say what others want to hear just so they’ll like you more than they already do.

Also, make sure not to be overly concerned with your partner’s emotions.

After all, you should be a man who knows how to love and appreciate a woman without absorbing her personality.

12) Fully accept yourself for being needy and desperate

OK, I know what you’re thinking:

“If I accept myself for being needy and desperate, then I’ll be needy and desperate for the rest of my life.”

But trust me, this isn’t what you should do. Instead, this is another one of the most effective ways to stop this behavior.

As a guy who is constantly trying to improve himself, you need to understand that you are not perfect – you’re going to make mistakes.

And when you do, simply accept that you’re making a mistake and then take steps to correct it.

And if you can’t correct the situation yourself – ask for help from someone close to you or simply find someone else who appreciates your flaws.

Here is the video about the 7 positive aspects of being needy and why you should accept your neediness.

13) Don’t continue to agree when you want something different

It’s very easy for you to agree with people just to please them.

For example, your parents might want you to go for a lucrative career that is not what you want.

So instead of going for it, you might find yourself saying yes and agreeing with them.

Or maybe you’re in a relationship with a woman who wants to move in together but that isn’t really what you want.

However, instead of standing your ground, you simply agree with her in order to make her happy.

But if you continue to agree with people just for their sake, it’ll become hard for you to stand up for your own interests and stuck in an endless cycle of agreeing with people, which leads to needy and desperate behavior.

Now it’s your turn:

Focus on what makes you happy. Instead of making decisions based on what other people want, start making decisions based on what’s best for you.

14) Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable

This is another important tip to stop being needy and desperate.

Vulnerability refers to the willingness to share what you’re feeling with other people.

For example:

You might feel emotionally insecure about your new job and not confident that you can do it well.

Or perhaps you’re in a new relationship and you’re struggling with the emotional burden of moving in together.

Either way, it can be difficult for you to mention your inner struggles and concerns to others.

But know this:

Being vulnerable is a sign of strength, not weakness.

So the next time you begin thinking that being vulnerable makes you needy or desperate, remember that those who judge you for being vulnerable are judging themselves.

15) Stop giving away personal information to everyone you meet

Here’s an interesting fact:

A needy and desperate man tends to give away personal information to everyone he meets.

For example, you might think it’s a good idea to tell the taxi driver about your recent break-up.

Or maybe you believe that telling your coworker about feeling stressed out will help you connect and bond with them on a deeper level.

And while it’s important to be open with people, this doesn’t mean that you need to share everything with them.

Instead, the less personal information you give away, the more secure you’ll become.

Others will draw their own conclusions about you and want to know more about you if they’re interested.

16) Control the conversation, don’t let it control you

When you’re feeling needy and desperate, it’s easy for you to get sucked into the conversation.

That is, you’ll find yourself continuously nodding your head and agreeing with others’ opinions just because they happen to be right.

But as a person who wants to improve himself, you have to have your own voice when someone starts talking about their experiences or ideas.

You also need to hold your ground when people make controversial statements that go against your personal views.

Remember:

It’s important that people know you’re not a pushover and neediness man and can hold your own when expressing your ideas.

17) Defend your position and stand up for what you believe in

Needy and desperate people tend to be afraid of defending their position.

While it’s important that you listen to what others have to say, know this:

You don’t need anyone else to agree with your point of view.

This means:

If you believe something is right, it doesn’t matter if the majority disagrees.

The key here is to defend your position based on what you believe and not give in just because everyone else goes against you.

And because you’re a guy who wants to improve himself, don’t be afraid to speak up for your true beliefs – and convince them to see the truth.

Now that you’ve got this concept down, what are you waiting for?

Final thoughts

If you take the necessary steps to stop being needy and desperate, then you will be able to manage your emotions, build connections with other people and attract women.

So want to get the woman you deserve?

This all relates back to the incredible advice I learned from Kate Spring.

I mentioned her earlier, she’s transformed dating and relationships for thousands of men.

One of the most valuable things she taught me was this:

Women don’t choose the guy who will treat them the best. They choose guys they are deeply attracted to at a biological level.

Women don’t like assholes because they’re assholes. They like assholes because those guys are confident and they give off the right signals to them. The sort of signals a woman can’t resist.

What if I told you that you could quickly learn the right signals to give to women—and you absolutely don’t need to become an asshole in the process?

Check out this free video by Kate Spring.

She reveals the most effective method I’ve come across to make women obsessed by you (whilst remaining a good guy).

How this one revelation changed my love life

It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…

I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.

I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.

I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.

What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.

If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.

Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.

I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.

Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.

As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.

We do this by promoting his masterclasses.

One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.

Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.

==> Check it out here.

Best wishes,
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder

Written by Thảo Anh Nguyễn

It is the little daily things that make life worth living and I know how to put you in the right perspective. I write about the intersection of life and love: how spirituality has changed my relationships, what I do to cultivate love in my life, and why I believe that all relationships are spiritual. Meet all your needs for your relationship and pieces of life advice with my articles.

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