How to save a relationship when she wants out

Do you have a sneaking suspicion that your girlfriend wants to break up?

Perhaps you two have grown apart. Perhaps she seems unhappy and distant.

This is a distressing moment in any relationship, trust me, I know.

So how can you save your love when she wants out?

You might feel as though your relationship is over, but don’t panic!

Keep reading for advice on how to rekindle your romance and make her want to stay.

Let’s jump right in:

1) Reflect on what went wrong

If you want to save your relationship, you first need to figure out what went wrong.

This can help you to understand what you need to do next in order to save your relationship.

Ask yourself:

  • Were there any red flags?
  • Did I do something that made her unhappy?
  • Did I ignore her needs?
  • Was I inattentive?
  • Was I not supportive enough?
  • Did we argue too much?
  • Were there any issues in our relationship that we didn’t resolve?
  • What were her complaints?
  • Did I ever push her away?

In order to save your relationship, you first need to know what to fix.

2) Try to understand her reasons

If your girlfriend wants to call it quits or has already broken up with you, it’s likely because she has some complaints or issues with the relationship.

Your job now is to try to understand the reasons behind these.

If you’re able to take a step back, you’ll be able to see the situation more clearly and be able to address these issues so that she will come back to you.

If you don’t understand her reasons, you won’t be able to make the changes that she wants to see in your relationship.

Ask yourself:

  • What was the root cause behind her complaints?
  • What did she want from our relationship?
  • How can I make those changes?
  • How can I be the kind of person that she wants to be with?
  • What do I need to do to get her back?

Try to look at things from her point of view. It’s easy to get defensive in this type of situation, but it’s really important to stay objective in order to understand how she’s feeling.

3) Talk it out and make amends

If your girlfriend has given you a reason for why she wants to break up with you, it means that maybe she’s open to you working things out.

Once you’ve figured out what went wrong in your relationship, you need to talk it out with your girlfriend.

If you’ve done something to make her angry or unhappy, you’ll need to apologize and make amends.

Similarly, if you weren’t supportive enough or you failed to meet her needs, you’ll need to change your behavior.

4) Show her you’re willing to change

If your girlfriend wants to break up with you because she’s feeling dissatisfied with your relationship, you need to show her that you’re willing to change.

She needs to know that the relationship isn’t static and can change into something better.

If you’ve done things that have hurt her in the past, whether you meant to or not, you’ll need to do better going forward.

For example, if you two are fighting too much, you’ll need to learn how to communicate more constructively.

5) Work on yourself first

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The truth is that before you can fix the relationship you have with your girlfriend, you need to do some work on yourself.

This means working on your weaknesses and on any negative aspects of yourself, such as your anger or jealousy.

You see, most of the time our relationships fail because we tell ourselves lies about what love is and how a relationship should look.

We have unrealistic expectations of the other person and of ourselves, so of course we ended up letting each other down.

I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê in his free video of love and intimacy.

His teachings really opened up my mind and gave me a whole new perspective. I finally understood where I’d been going wrong in each of my relationships and Rudá offered a practical solution to help me work out my issues and fix my relationship

So if you’re ready to make a change, start by watching this amazing free video.

6) Show her that you care

Here’s the thing:

If your girlfriend wants out, it’s likely because she feels like you aren’t as close as you used to be.

That’s why it’s important for you to show her that you still care about her.

You can do this by making her feel loved and cherished. Let her know that you can’t imagine a life without her, show her that you need her in your life.

7) Don’t take her for granted

A lot of guys tend to take their women for granted.

Big mistake.

We women do so much for our men – from their laundry to making sure they always have something to eat – most of the time they don’t even notice how much of our time is dedicated to their needs.

I mean, I have a job too. Yet I also find the time to take care of our home and buy the groceries and make sure he’s taken care of. And does he say “thank you”? Nope.

If your girlfriend feels unappreciated, I totally get where she’s coming from.

If she’s been complaining that you never say “thank you”, now is the time to make a change.

Make a conscious effort to show her that she is important to you and that she has a special place in your life.

Show her that you appreciate everything that she does for you and make an effort to participate more and help her out whenever you have.

8) Take responsibility if you’re at fault

Did you mess up?

What did you do?

If you fu**ed up, you need to take responsibility for the fact that your relationship is falling apart.

You need to admit that you’ve made mistakes and that you need to make amends.

If you want her to stay, she needs to know that you won’t make the same mistake twice.

9) Win her trust back

If your girlfriend wants to break up with you because she doesn’t trust you, then you need to win her trust back.

Otherwise, she has no reason to come back.

I’ll be honest with you, winning her trust back isn’t going to be easy, but it is possible if you put in the effort.

You might not be able to change your past actions, but you can learn from them.

By acknowledging your mistakes, you can show her that you’re ready to change and that you are willing to do anything to make things right between you two.

10) Seek professional help

If you’ve tried everything else on this list, you might want to consider seeking professional help.

It’s possible that you’re missing something or that you simply aren’t seeing the big picture.

By seeing a therapist, you can gain a new perspective. They will be able to offer advice on how to make your girlfriend give you another chance.

What’s more, by seeking help, you’re showing your girlfriend that you’re serious about saving your relationship. You’re showing her that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make things right again.

11) Actively listen

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When a girl feels like her needs are being heard, she will feel much closer to you.

If you’ve noticed that she’s become unhappy with the relationship lately, it might be because she feels unheard.

For instance, let’s say that you’ve been with your girlfriend for a while, and she recently started expressing dissatisfaction with the level of intimacy in your relationship. Or, perhaps, she feels like you don’t treat her with enough love and affection.

What should you do?

Well first, put down your phone and give her your full attention while she’s talking to you. Whenever she expresses concerns or feelings, actively listen to what she has to say without trying to interrupt or reassure her.

Second, if she’s telling you that there’s something you’re not doing right, then you need to fix it. There’s no point listening to her and then not doing anything to change.

All in all, if you don’t give her what she needs, someone else will.

12) Remember to communicate

Communication is one of the most important aspects of any successful relationship.

Let’s say that you and your girlfriend have been in a relationship for a while and communication has recently become strained.

If your girlfriend says that she wants to break up with you, this could be because she feels like you two don’t communicate with each other or you always end up fighting when you try to communicate.

Remember to think before you speak because, like I say in my book – How to Get Your Ex Back” – “acting on impulse never ends well.”

This means that if you two are having a difficult conversation, you need to stay calm and collected while you talk to each other.

“Pause and give yourself a second to think before you plan on saying something significant.”

This way you’re making sure that you don’t say something in the heat of the moment that you’ll regret later on.

13) Be willing to work through underlying issues

If your girlfriend is ending the relationship because of a specific issue that you’ve been unwilling to work through, you may be able to resolve things with her by actively addressing the issue.

You might have avoided working on your relationship issues because you thought that they weren’t really issues and that everything was fine. Now that she’s breaking up with you, you might feel like you don’t know how to resolve the problem.

It’s important that you actively discuss this issue so that you can move forward and work to resolve it. Ignoring problems only makes them grow and never makes them disappear.

14) Plan something fun together

When’s the last time you guys had some fun together?

When’s the last time you went out, just the two of you? When’s the last time you laughed?

If you’ve been going through a rough patch in your relationship and your girlfriend says that she wants to break up with you, you need to give her a reason to stay.

Plan something fun to do together that will help you get your relationship back on track. Let

Take her to the amusement park or to the zoo. Go for a hike. Try bungee jumping.

The key here is that you show her that your relationship isn’t just a bunch of problems, but that you can have fun together and enjoy each other’s company.

15) Engage in affectionate physical contact

Physical intimacy is one of the most important aspects of any relationship.

Take her hand when you’re out walking. Rub her shoulders or put your hand on her knee.

These little gestures mean a lot. If some distance has built between you, engaging in physical contact will bring you closer together.

Remember, you’re not just roommates or buddies, you’re partners, physical contact is very important.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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