It can be wonderful to work with the person you’re dating.
However, it also means that when things go south, you have to keep seeing them!
Seeing your ex on a daily basis can be challenging, to say the least.
Ending things on good terms is crucial; not just for preserving professional relationships but to avoid awkward run-ins and curious glances from your new crush.
Here are some tips on how to move on from someone you see every day – and they don’t just apply to work but to school and other scenarios where you have to see your ex every day!
Let’s dive right in:
1) Make the break official
If you’re still having to navigate around each other in the office, it’s likely that you’re both hoping that things will get back to normal between you two.
But before you can truly move on from your ex, you need to make the break official by ending the relationship completely.
This means that you don’t have to be friends with them. It means that you don’t have any romantic ties to them and that you’re no longer in any type of relationship with them.
Once you make the break, you won’t be tempted to try to get things back with your ex. You’ll also stop worrying about what they’re doing and saying and you’ll be able to focus on yourself again.
2) Acknowledge the breakup
You might have been able to use work to ignore your feelings in the past, but now that you have to see your ex at work every day, that’s no longer an option.
One of the first steps to moving on is to acknowledge the breakup. Don’t try to pretend it didn’t happen, don’t live in denial.
It’s also a good idea to talk to your ex and tell them that you’d appreciate some distance.
If you still have feelings for your ex, acknowledge that you need to let them go. If you’re still angry at your ex, acknowledge that as well.
3) Get in touch with your feelings
Now that you’ve acknowledged the breakup, you need to get in touch with your feelings in order to let them go.
Sit down in a quiet place with a notebook and pen. Take a few deep breaths, close your eyes and let your mind wander until you find yourself in a place of neutrality where you can explore your feelings.
Allow yourself to feel sadness and anger and whatever else comes up. Feelings are a normal part of life, and in order to get over someone, you first need to get in touch with your feelings.
But that raises the question:
Why does love so often start out great, only to become a nightmare?
And what’s the solution to moving on from someone you see every day?
The answer is contained in the relationship you have with yourself.
I learned about this from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love, and become truly empowered.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!
We need to face the facts about failed relationships and learn to move on.
Far too often we chase an idealized image of someone and build up expectations that are guaranteed to be let down.
Far too often we fall into codependent roles of savior and victim to try to “fix” our partner, only to end up in a miserable, bitter routine.
Far too often, we are on shaky ground with our own selves and this carries over into toxic relationships that become hell on earth.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to moving on with my life.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships, and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
4) Allow yourself time to grieve
That’s right, I said you need to grieve.
You see, the end of a relationship is like death: you have to mourn. What you had with your ex is gone. The future you envisioned for the two of you – is also gone.
So allow yourself the time you need to grieve.
You may even have to take some time off, and that’s okay. Just remember that you don’t have to pretend you’re not upset.
Your emotions are valid; let them flow. Explore them, try to understand them and you’ll be on your way to letting go.
5) Start dating someone new
If you’re struggling to get over your ex who you see every day, it could really help you to start dating again.
After all, you don’t want to be stuck in the past.
If you still have feelings for your ex but they don’t feel the same way, I recommend watching this video by Justin Brown (Founder of Ideapod) on The brutal truth about unrequited love.
According to Justin, when we face unrequited love, we can follow two paths:
- We can either wallow in the pain and “tell ourselves the story that we just love someone so deeply if only they could love us back in the same way”
- or, we can “grab hold of the courage to start opening ourselves up to loving someone new”
You see, it takes courage to move on because there’s a lot of fear about being rejected again because rejection hurts.
Watch his video on The brutal truth about unrequited love and try his exercise to help you stop thinking of this person who doesn’t love you back as the perfect person for you and find the courage to go down the second path to love.
6) Try to keep out of each other’s sight
Let’s face it, if you’re still working with your ex, that means you’re still seeing each other.
If you can avoid it, try to keep out of each other’s sight. Find a nice quiet corner where you can work in peace.
If you’re both in open-concept offices, try wearing headphones.
Turn your gaze away from your ex as much as possible.
7) Keep things “light and airy”
If your ex wants to talk about the breakup at work, tell them that it isn’t the time or the place to talk about your relationship.
Suggest meeting them outside of work at a time that suits you.
Talking it through can help them feel better. It will also help you get closure so you can move on. Try to keep things light and airy, though.
8) Fake it ’til you make it
Fake being over the relationship until you actually are.
Now, I know that this might feel silly or unnatural, but trust me, it will help you get over your ex faster.
Maintaining a strong, professional relationship with your ex is important. You want to be friendly but not overly familiar.
Stay in their work lane but don’t go overboard with the small talk.
Keep your personal feelings out of the office.
This means no venting to your work friends about how much your ex sucks or how you want to get revenge. It also means no complaining about the breakup or how you’re not over it yet.
Be cordial and friendly with your ex, but avoid going out for drinks with them or other social outings.
9) Pull yourself together
Trust me, you don’t want to be ruled by your emotions.
While it’s one thing to get in touch with your feelings, it’s completely another to let your feelings take over.
You want to deal with your breakup like an adult.
If you’ve given yourself enough time to grieve and explore your feelings, and you’re still having a hard time pulling yourself together, it might be a good idea to speak to someone about your situation…
10) Get tailor-made advice for your situation
Following up on the previous point, if you’re having a hard time getting your act together and moving on from your ex, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like running into your ex every day! They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
11) Anticipate possible scenarios
It’s always good to think about possible scenarios you might find yourself in so that you can be prepared and act cool.
Here are a few things you might experience after ending a romantic relationship at work.
- Your ex hangs around your office too much: If that’s the case, speak to them and explain that you’d really appreciate it if they gave you some space.
- Your ex is nowhere to be seen: Good! They’re trying to avoid an awkward situation too. What’s more, they might be avoiding you to be considerate.
- Your ex starts dating someone else from the office: Eventually, your ex will move on with their life and that may mean dating another co-worker. You’ll just have to smile and be cool. Don’t let them know that you’re affected by what’s happening. I’d also really suggest moving on with your own life ASAP.
- You fall for someone else at work: Well, I’d say avoid office romances but if you can’t, try not to rush into anything before you get to know the other person well. Remember, you’ll have to keep on seeing them if things don’t work out!
12) Try to minimize interaction
You don’t have to avoid your ex entirely, but you can minimize interaction with them. Stay as far away from them as you can without being ridiculous.
Don’t eat with them, don’t go out for drinks with them, and don’t go on company trips with them – not at first at any rate.
13) Talk to a friend or family member
If you need some time away from your co-workers and your ex, find a friend or family member you can open up to.
Whenever you’re going through a tough time, remember that there are people in your life that love you no matter what. When you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to you, they’re there for you.
Personally, I always feel better after I’ve shared my troubles with my mum.
14) Change up your routine
You might have been seeing your ex every day for years, but you may not have ever noticed the pattern.
Change up your routine so that you don’t run into your ex as often. Devise a new route to work, grab coffee at a different place, or work a different shift.
You can even change up your seating arrangement or office so that you don’t have to sit next to them anymore.
15) Go on vacation
If you’re not ready to deal with seeing your ex at work every day, it may just be time to take a vacation!
Think about it:
A change of scenery and time to pamper yourself might be just what the doctor ordered.
And who knows? You may even meet someone interesting on vacation.
16) Keep it professional
My advice is to keep things professional between you and your ex at work.
Now, I know that you may have left so many things unsaid and are feeling a wide range of emotions, but you don’t want to risk your job.
Keep it professional at the office.
If there’s anything you need to talk about or resolve concerning your relationship, do it in your free time.
And another thing, If you have feelings of resentment or anger, keep them to yourself. There’s no need to make everyone around you uncomfortable.
17) Distract yourself with other activities
Find new activities to take your mind off the breakup. This will help you avoid falling into a downward spiral of replaying the breakup over and over again in your head.
Instead, you’ll have new things to focus on.
Participate in office activities like sports teams or after-work drinks.
Or join a sports league outside of work or make friends at the gym.
Participate in hobbies that you were interested in before you started dating your ex.
The point is, keep yourself busy and you’ll be able to move on from your ex soon.
18) Shift your mindset from ex to workplace acquaintance
After a few weeks, you should feel comfortable shifting your mindset from ex to workplace acquaintance.
You don’t have to interact with your ex much and should generally avoid them when possible. But when you do have to interact with them, keep the conversation short and professional.
Don’t go on and on about personal things or let your guard down. Be friendly but keep things on a surface level.
If your ex is the one initiating conversations more often, it could be because they’re getting more used to the breakup and would like to become friends again. This is a good opportunity for you to let them know that you’d prefer to keep things professional.
19) Don’t badmouth your ex at work
If you and your ex have broken up on bad terms, you probably want to tell everyone what an awful person they were and how much better you are without them.
Before you do this, stop and think about why you broke up with them in the first place.
Chances are that it had something to do with how you were treating each other and not their job performance.
If you want to keep your job, you need to make sure that you don’t badmouth your ex at work.
If you do, you risk violating your company’s anti-harassment policy and losing your job.
Even if you don’t have a policy in place, you don’t want to risk your reputation in the office by saying something negative about your ex.
If you want to break up with your ex without angering your co-workers, you need to keep all breakup discussions private. You can still break up with your ex and still keep your job; you just need to keep the breakup talk in your head.
20) Focus on work
It’s important to keep your work as a top priority while you get over your breakup. This means taking on extra projects and really getting involved with whatever it is you are working on.
Not only will it help keep your mind off your ex, but it will also show your co-workers and boss that you don’t let your personal life interfere with work.
When you’re not at work, you should be doing other things that help you move on. This will help you get over your breakup as quickly as possible so you can go back to focusing on work.
21) Take care of yourself
When you’ve broken up with someone, it’s easy to fall into a depressed state of mind.
But instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, you should make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. Do the things that you know make you feel better when you’re down and make sure that you’re staying positive.
Eat healthy foods and drink lots of water. Make sure to get enough sleep.
Go out with your friends and treat yourself to something nice.
Meditate. Do yoga. Take long relaxing baths. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.
Take care of your mental health by staying positive and keeping an open mind about what’s next for you.
22) Find a co-worker you can talk to
If you’re having a hard time getting over your ex because you have to see them every day at work, it may help to talk to a co-worker you trust about the whole thing.
Talking to them will make you feel less alone and can help you focus on moving on.
23) Network and find something to look forward to.
One of the best ways to get over your ex and move on is to find something that you’re excited about and spend more time doing it.
Whether it’s joining a club, training for a competition, or learning a new skill, make sure that you’re finding a new activity to get excited about. This can help you get past your ex and avoid falling into a passionate, obsessive state of mind that can lead you back to your ex.
All in all, find something new and exciting that you can put your energy into and look forward to doing every day.
24) Cultivate mental discipline
Whether you’re ready to move on from your ex or not, it’s important to cultivate mental discipline.
This means that you need to make a commitment to focusing your energy on the things that are important to you and avoid wasting energy on things that won’t help you.
If your ex is drawing too much of your attention at work, you need to learn how to shut them out. You need to shut out their words, shut out the looks they give you, and shut out any communication they may be trying to have with you.
You need to focus on your work and on the people who are important in your life.
When your ex tries to distract you, you need to have the mental discipline to ignore them and stay focused on the things that matter.
Breaking up with someone you see every day at work can be an awkward and challenging experience, but not impossible.
The tips in this article will help you keep things professional and most importantly, move on with your life and be happy.
5 tips to navigate workplace romances
There are few things more exciting than falling in love at work. You spend nearly every day together and get to know one another on a personal level that’s entirely new.
Having feelings for a co-worker can be invigorating, but it can also be challenging.
The thing is that navigating office romances or crushes can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re unsure how the other person feels about you.
But developing a relationship with a colleague is nothing to be afraid of; so long as you keep your professionalism intact, there is nothing to prevent you from enjoying a romance with someone at work.
The tricky part is figuring out how to proceed from here.
How do you know if they feel the same way? How do you tell them? And what do you do if they feel the same way?
Here are some tips for navigating workplace romances:
1) Pay attention to body language
Body language is one of the most important parts of navigating a workplace romance.
A simple touch on the shoulder or arm can communicate feelings that you might not be aware of yourself.
It’s important to pay attention to the signals your colleague is giving off, and to be aware of the signals that you’re sending.
You may be interested in someone but not realize it until they start flirting with you.
If you’re not sure where the other person stands, you can use non-verbal cues to let them know you like them too.
This can be as simple as standing closer to the person, leaning in towards them when they’re talking, smiling more, or making eye contact.
2) Watch for other clues
A key part of figuring out if your colleague is interested in you is paying attention to the things they say and do.
While you don’t want to read too much into their every word and action, it can be helpful to keep an eye out for subtle clues that the person likes you.
If your colleague compliments you on the outfit you chose to wear to work one day, this might be a sign that they’re interested in you.
If your colleague asks you for advice about something personal, this can be another clue.
And if your co-worker sends you flirty emojis in their texts to you, this is more than a clue- it’s a surefire sign that they’re interested in you.
Be sure to look at the overall picture, though — there are people who are simply friendly and nice to everyone they meet. Don’t read too much into a single comment or action.
3) Ask your co-workers what they think
You can also find out how the other person feels by asking people who know both of you what they think.
If you’re not sure how your colleague feels about you, ask mutual friends how they think the other person feels about you. They may know something you don’t.
Think about the best way to ask the question. You don’t want to put your colleague on the spot in front of everyone.
Instead, ask one-on-one, in private, or send a text. Once you have the information, consider how you want to proceed from here.
4) Check-in with your feelings
As you get to know your colleague better, pay attention to your feelings.
If you’re unsure whether or not they are interested in you, consider how you feel about them.
If you find that you’re constantly thinking about them, and hoping to spend more time with them, you might be interested in them too.
If you’re worried that you’re reading too much into things, consider talking to a trusted friend or family member about how you feel.
You may be nervous to talk to your colleague about how you feel, so it may help to write them a note to express your feelings. You don’t have to write a long essay, but instead, write down a few quick sentences about how you feel.
This can help you get your feelings out in the open so that you can move forward from there.
5) Know when to step back
If your colleague is interested in you but you’re not interested in them, it’s important to step back and not lead them on.
Let them know that you appreciate their interest, but that you are not interested in them romantically.
You don’t want to hurt their feelings, but you also don’t want to lead them on.
If you’re not interested, but you’re worried about hurting their feelings, you can always say that you’re not ready to date anyone at the moment.
You don’t need to give them a reason, but you can let them know that you appreciate their interest, but aren’t interested in anything romantic with them.
And if it’s the other way around – you like your colleague but they’re obviously not into you – you need to know when to step back.
If you’re too pushy, you risk making them uncomfortable at work. Remember, this is a place of work, not a bar.