Are you still hung up on your ex? I’ve been there too.
It’s hard to be in the dark and wonder if you’ll ever get back together again.
While it might look like they’re never coming back, there are many ways to reach out and restart your love life with your ex.
In this article, we’ll tell you exactly what you need to do to save your relationship.
So, get ready, put your best self smile, and give your ex and yourself another chance!
Here are the 12 fast ways to make your ex love you again.
1) Make sure you want to get back for a good reason
After breaking up, we risk losing perspective and thinking about our exes through a lens of nostalgia.
Sometimes, it’s best to leave the past behind, not because they’re not good people, but perhaps because we’re abandoning a harmful dynamic for ourselves.
So, before you even try to get your ex back, consider why you want this relationship so bad.
Be honest and avoid restarting a relationship that isn’t good for you.
These are some good reasons to get your ex back:
- They were the right person but at the wrong time.
- You had to get over a previous relationship and couldn’t fall in love again.
- You see them in a different light and understand them better.
Now, here are the bad reasons to fight for your ex:
- You hate being single. Yes, it’s natural to be lonely for a while after a relationship ends, but it doesn’t mean it’s good to be back with your ex, only not to be alone!
- You miss the familiarity of your old situation. While this is normal, again, it’s not enough reason to get back to your ex.
- You are jealous of your ex’s current partner. This is understandable, but it’s not a healthy reason to try to recover your relationship, and it will probably do more harm than good to seek them out.
To be as impartial as possible, you can ask for the help of a trusted friend, a family member, or even a therapist. They can help you to move on if necessary.
For example, you can seek advice from a professional coach who’s trained to deal with the hardships of the most complicated relationships out there.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can find advice that’ll help you navigate complex and difficult love situations, like when you want your ex back but you’re not sure if it’s a good decision or not. I’ve heard good reviews about their services, that’s why I recommend them to you.
At some point, I reached out to one of the coaches myself, and they guided me through some of the darkest corners of my mind toward the light at the end of a tunnel.
Boy, that was a journey!
But I have way more clarity over my choices now, and I can say that I’ve gained some confidence when it comes to making major decisions in my life.
In a few clicks, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
2) Feel and look your best
After breaking up, we might feel as if our self-esteem is in shambles. But confidence is exactly what you need if you want to get your ex back and if you want to rebuild your self-trust.
There is always one cliche with breakups: the makeover phase. It’s also the best memento to pamper yourself and find ways to boost your self-esteem. Whether trying a new activity or going out to a spa, it can help a lot.
So, get a massage, wear that bold, flattering outfit, and buy new things.
Don’t do anything drastic, like shaving your hair off or dyeing it blue, but a few changes can go a long way.
Remember, you don’t do it for them but for you!
Because the world doesn’t end when you’re apart from your ex, and you still can enjoy it and your own beautiful place in it.
3) Contact your ex when you’re ready
It’s important to start slow. Try to avoid coming off too strong at first.
Send a chill text; keep it low-key and low-pressure. Don’t call your ex, and don’t send them a wall of text or a long email. Be friendly because a positive tone is always received better. You can even use emojis!
Try to keep your conversation casual and don’t say anything too intense or heartfelt, such as “I can’t live without you.”
You can tell them a funny anecdote or something interesting that reminds you of them.
For example, you could say something like: “I won the music trivia at the bar the other night! Probably all your music knowledge that you shared with me is finally paying off!” or “Hey, stranger. There’s a new action movie that continues our favorite saga. Thoughts?”
Just promise me that you won’t be under the influence of alcohol when you reconnect with your ex.
Drunk dialing isn’t fun for anyone!
4) Be accountable for your mistakes
You have to be able to take responsibility for your own actions and your side of the story (aka your break-up). Accountability matters a lot.
We often think of getting back with our exes as something quick and practical, but the reality is that, like every other type of relationship, you need to work on it.
There’s no point in coming back together if you’re still behaving in the same way that triggered your ex and if you can’t fix what broke the relationship in the first place.
Besides, taking responsibility isn’t about placing blame on you or the other person alone, especially if you didn’t cause the breakup!
It’s about having a good, honest look at the problems that caused you two to drift apart and the role you played in that.
Some things will probably be your ex’s fault, and others, yours. It does take two to tango, after all.
Don’t beat yourself up too much over the outcome of things. It doesn’t help anyone, least of all yourself. But keep it honest and show maturity if you want them back.
5) Pay attention to see if they’re interested at all
When you contact your ex, do they behave in a warm and friendly way?
Do they reach out? Are they enthusiastic about the prospect of spending time together again?
If the answer to these questions is “yes,” then you have a shot at winning them back.
For example, if you meet up, pay attention to their body language. This way, you can understand how they’re feeling when you’re talking to them. For example, if they have a blush and they touch you or hug you, they’re probably flirting with you.
It’s also important to manage expectations at this stage. They might just want to be friends for a while now and see what happens. Wait for them to take the first step if their intentions seem unclear.
6) Build up your self-worth
Normally, after breaking up, most of us ask ourselves questions such as “What did I do wrong?” or “Is it me to blame in this situation?” As a result, you start feeling worthless and sad about yourself.
However, you must understand that you were in love with your ex, and they loved you back.
You shouldn’t think that you don’t deserve love or to be loved. You can find reasons why the breakup happened.
For example, due to bad communication or too much trauma between you might be the answer you’re looking for.
But it’s never a good idea to blame yourself for the break-up solely.
You can build back your self-esteem by listing all the positive things you said or did that your ex appreciated. And not only that! Think of the qualities that other people appreciate in you or reach out to your friends for some support.
It’s essential to surround yourself with people who can support you and make you feel better about yourself.
As I mentioned earlier, you can reach out to a professional coach who’ll help you build your self-esteem bit by bit.
That’s what I recently did.
When I was doubting my ability to love and be loved after the painful break-up with my ex, I reached out to one of the coaches for some advice.
I expected some vague advice about being strong, but instead, I’ve got some really profound tips on how not to get lost in the drama and actually see the positive side of things.
I received solutions that helped me rebuild my self-esteem and, as a result, see the areas I could work on.
Needless to say, after a while, I reconnected with my ex because he also noticed the change and wanted to try once again.
Relationship Hero is a hugely popular relationship coaching site where you can connect with one of the certified relationship coaches and get professional help.
7) Pinpoint what was wrong and fix it
There are a lot of success stories of couples getting back together after breaking up.
They all have one thing in common: they understood what went wrong in the first place and realized that they could fix the problem.
There are many reasons why people break up, so let’s explore the most common ones:
- Constant fighting over small or petty things.
- Controlling or insecure behaviors that finally damaged the love between you.
- Lack of commitment from one of the partners or both.
- Constant stress in the relationship is a very common breakup cause.
- Many couples break up because they’re stuck in a routine they don’t enjoy anymore.
It’s important to know why you guys broke up and not only rely on what was being said while ending the relationship.
Because we all say things we don’t mean when we’re emotional, try to figure out what happened that got you to this point. Then, evaluate the main problems that brought you two to this.
8) Be as honest as possible
Okay, you’ve evaluated your main problems in the relationship, worked on getting your self-esteem back, made sure they’re on the same page with you, and want the relationship back.
Now, it’s time to drop the act.
You have to tell them you’ve been thinking about you two and want to give it another chance.
Remember, you have to be honest and vulnerable if you want to get them back.
Of course, you don’t want to come on too strong in the first moment. If you contact them, wait to see their reaction. Subtly play your hand and see if they respond well to having you back in their lives in this capacity.
Keep it simple to avoid getting emotional and pushy.
You can send something like “I still miss you, and I’ve been thinking about us a lot. Did you?” or “These past weeks have sucked without you around. I’d like to talk about our break-up and see if we both feel good about it. Because I’m not so sure I want it to be the final point of our relationship. How do you feel about that?”
Remember to be honest. It pays off, even if your ex is cold or aloof at first.
9) Don’t be afraid to ask for help
If you feel like you’re still unsure of how to tackle the talk with your ex and how to express your feelings in the best possible way – ask for some advice from the person you can trust.
Because even if your relationship ended on good terms, it’s never a bad idea to reach out to ask for some tips on how to manage the conversation better.
This can help you reconnect more organically and avoid making mistakes that could cost you the chance to get back together.
10) Be open to rejection
Reconciliation doesn’t work for every couple that has broken up in the recent past.
If your ex doesn’t want to give it another go, you have to respect their honesty. Pressuring them won’t end up well.
Thank them for stating their truth and trying to move on. Chances are they’ve thought this through as well, and it will be good for you to see who else is out there.
Thank them and wish them the best. Then, work on yourself and your attachment style so you can meet somebody who matches your character peculiarities better.
11) Start a spiritual practice like meditation
You can transform and improve your mindset by practicing meditation or yoga.
By doing so, you will be able to see your emotions and handle them in a much healthier way.
When faced with a stressful situation, it’s very helpful to learn to manage these emotions and understand how people can perceive them differently. Your ex doesn’t have to see the same problems as you do, and that doesn’t mean they– or you! – are wrong.
12) Be proud of yourself
Working on your self-esteem should come with a modicum of pride in who you are. Everyone has positive attributes, and it’s important to see which ones you have and how to exploit them and develop them.
After breaking up, take time to redefine who you are, your priorities, and your best qualities. Develop these characteristics and find joy in your life. Evaluate where you need to do a little more work and start with it without judging yourself too harshly.
A breakup can become a good lesson, given enough time.
Be proud of yourself because breaking up with someone you love is hard. But pulling yourself back together is even harder. And if you managed to do so – that’s already something to celebrate!
What happens if your ex is dating somebody else?
I know it might be hard, but don’t panic! They might be seeing someone else, but it doesn’t mean it’s serious. You were with them before, you know how they are, and you still have the chance to get back together if you try.
In fact, this person they’re seeing might be a rebound. This means there’s still potential for you to step in and win them back. It all depends on your behavior and your attitude.
Keep quiet about this new person at first, especially if you’ve just ended a no-contact period. They shouldn’t know you know, they don’t need the extra pressure. And no dramatic scenes!
You’re not together anymore, so they can date whoever they want.
Instead, try to highlight the interests you still have in common and the great moments you’ve gone through with them.
Be patient and avoid blaming them, especially if you’re trying to reestablish healthy communication. Don’t make things difficult for yourself while trying to win them back.
The key is to stay transparent and stop playing mind games. Just be yourself and heal from the past.
When should you contact your ex?
The perfect time to reestablish contact with your ex is when you’re ready to do it.
Don’t constantly remind yourself of moments when you miss them, but instead, let your feelings develop naturally.
Are you ready to talk to them without being needy or desperate? If so, that’s the right moment.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen a lot of people screw up because of bad timing. They contact their ex before being ready, and although it normally starts fine – their ex has missed them too! – they get away when they realize the person hasn’t changed at all.
Remember, they can tell when you’re faking your attitude. They know you very well!
Before contacting your ex, read this checklist to ensure a peaceful reconnection:
- You haven’t had contact with them in at least two weeks, if not more.
- You are no longer as raw and hurting as you were before.
- You’ve made some positive changes in your life.
- You are certain that getting back with your ex is a good choice.
- You’ve gone on at least one or two dates during the no-contact phase.
- You have accepted that breaking up was something that happened and that you might not get them back at all. The relationship might just not work for you.
- You know that even if you and your ex don’t get back together, you will be fine. There are endless scenarios where you can find love and be happy.
Do you miss being with someone, or do you miss them as a person?
This is one of the most personal decisions you can make.
It’s good to admit that having a partner is nice. Especially if all your friends are in relationships and you’re the only one single. That was my situation, and I felt very isolated!
The pressure to have a partner is real, but think about it very carefully: being in a bad relationship is worse than being single. Learning how to be in a healthy relationship has a lot of value.
Besides, every relationship has good things, but it doesn’t mean getting back to them is worth it.
Does your ex bring out your best side?
It happens to everyone: our partners influence us. They might make us pessimistic or bitter if they have a negative attitude.
Somebody who’s verbally abusive will destroy our self-confidence. If they nitpick and fight all the time, you might become defensive.
Remember that a healthy partner who respects you and your opinions will make you a more confident person over time.
In a nutshell
Your situation might be unique, but I hope this article helps you with sound advice. Take your time and decide if you should win your ex back.
If you are determined, it’s okay to ask for help.
It doesn’t matter the nature of the breakup; if the love is still there, you can get back with them, and things can change for the better.
So, if you want to start anew, apply this advice and see what happens!