How to make your ex leave you alone

So, the relationship is over, yet your ex doesn’t seem to get the message.

They may text you incessantly, stalk you on social media, or drop by unannounced.

If this sounds like what is happening to you, know that you are far from alone.

Some people have a hard time accepting that their relationship is over. They get sad, lonely, desperate, and sometimes even angry. That’s how an ex turns into a stalker.

However annoying that may be, there are ways to get them to leave you alone.

Here are 15 proven techniques to get them out of your life once and for all.

Let’s jump right in:

1) Be clear that the relationship is over

If your breakup wasn’t mutual, your ex may have a hard time accepting the fact that it’s over.

This will result in them trying to get you back. They’ll persist in calling or texting you, even when you’ve said that you’re not interested.

If you’re the one initiating the breakup, it’s important to be clear about why you’re ending the relationship.

If they believe they have a chance of getting back together, they may be much more persistent and aggressive.

Make sure that the reasons you list are clear. Make them understand that there’s nothing they can do to fix things or to change your mind.

If they know the breakup is final, they’ll feel less pressure to “win you back” and may be more willing to accept your decision.

2) Tell them to leave you alone

If your ex is still trying to contact you, make it clear that you’re not interested in talking to them. This may be especially important if they’re showing up at your home, work, school, or other places that you frequent.

It’s possible that they could cause a scene or get confrontational. It’s in your best interest to keep things as civil as possible.

Letting them know firmly and directly that you want nothing to do with them is a good way to discourage their stalking behavior.

Avoid making excuses for why you won’t respond to them as this can make you look defensive.

Instead, calmly and directly tell them that you are not interested in interacting with them

3) Establish firm boundaries

Your ex may try to contact you out of desperation and a desire to get back together.

If your ex continues to contact you after you’ve told them to leave you alone, it’s time to set some boundaries.

If they can’t take a hint, make it clear that you won’t tolerate their behavior and that they will face consequences if they continue bothering or harassing you.

Less extreme options include blocking the phone number or email address, going on social media and setting your privacy settings so that your ex can no longer view your profile, or changing your phone number.

If your ex is still harassing you and you feel uncomfortable, it may be a good idea to involve one of your friends or family members.

Their presence will help to deter your ex from causing any trouble and will provide you with emotional support.

4) Be consistent

If you’ve told your ex that you don’t want to see them or talk to them, you have to be prepared to follow through on your threats.

If you start talking to them again and later change your mind, they may get their hopes up and think that you want to get back together.

Worse yet, they may get the impression that they can harass you until you finally agree to talk or interact with them again.

This may make them more aggressive and relentless in their pursuit of contact with you.

This is why it’s important to set clear boundaries and stick to them.

5) Ignore them

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If all else fails, you can simply ignore your ex.

I know that this may sound cold, but it is an effective way of getting an ex to leave you alone.

When your ex sees that you’re not responding, eventually they’ll get frustrated and give up.

That’s what I did a few years ago when I broke up with the most clingy guy in the world. He just wouldn’t leave me alone and even though I’m an extremely nice person, I had to ignore his calls and messages in order for him to understand that it was over between us for good.

I felt terrible doing it but it worked.

6) Block their phone numbers and emails

You’ve told them that it’s over.

You made it pretty clear that you want them to leave you alone – and yet they’re still calling you, texting you, and even sending you emails.

It’s time to take some drastic measures.

It’s time to block their number and email address – you can also set up a filter that automatically sends their emails straight to trash.

I know that this can be a difficult step to take because this is someone you once cared about deeply.

However, if they won’t take a hint and leave you alone, they’re not really leaving you with many options.

Blocking them is one of the best ways to get them to leave you alone.

Hopefully, if you’re consistent in ignoring them, they will get the message and stop trying to contact you.

7) Change your social media settings

If your ex is contacting you on social media, remove them from your friends list and change your settings to make your posts private.

This way, your ex will only be able to see your posts if they’re on your friends list.

I know that you may have a lot of followers and that you want to make your posts public, but be patient. Wait for your ex to stop harassing you and when things cool down, you can go public again.

8) Change the way you respond to their messages

If you agreed to stay in touch with your ex to exchange important information and they’re abusing that agreement by texting you daily, then you need to change how you respond.

Now, if you are polite and always write back and humor your ex, you need to stop.

First, don’t reply immediately. Wait a few hours or even a day or two before replying.

Second, keep your messages short.

I find that it’s best to stick to one or two-word answers to your ex’s questions so that it’s clear that you’re not interested in further communication.

9) Ask their friends to speak to them

Are things getting a little out of hand?

If your ex won’t listen to you and won’t leave you alone, then you may need some help getting through.

Your ex’s friends may be able to talk some sense into them and convince them that you’re serious and that their behavior is neither normal nor acceptable.

Reach out to one of their friends and let them know your situation. As long as they know that you’re serious about ending the relationship, they should be willing to help you out.

Your ex might not listen if you try to talk to them directly, but if a friend intervenes, it may make things more effective.

10) Move on with your life

One of the best ways to get your ex to leave you alone is to move on with your life.

If your breakup was relatively recent, this may sound like an impossible task. After all, many people are still very much in the throes of their breakup and are unable to think about anything else.

They’re struggling to get over the heartbreak and deal with the aftermath of the breakup. But you can’t let that hold you back from moving on with your life.

If you don’t get on with your life, if you don’t leave behind the “trauma” of your breakup, it will only make it easier for your ex to keep hanging on.

So go out with your friends, pick up a new hobby, go on a trip, or start a new project.

The bottom line is that after a relationship ends, life goes on.

11) Start dating again

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We’ve all heard the saying, “if you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backward,” and that can be incredibly true in the aftermath of a breakup.

You may find yourself reliving the breakup over and over again, wishing that things had gone differently.

You may feel sad that things didn’t work out, or angry at yourself for allowing yourself to be in yet another toxic relationship.

Regardless of how you feel about your ex, it’s important to not to give up on love. And if you want your ex to get the message and leave you alone, starting to date again is a great way to do it.

If you’re currently not seeing anyone, ask a friend to set you up with someone or get a dating app.

Once you start dating again, your ex will see that you’re not pining over them, and they’ll likely get the hint and move on.

But hey, I get it if you’re not exactly eager to get back to dating after a messy breakup and stalker ex.

You’re probably wondering how things got so out of hand.

I mean, it started out great, you thought you’d finally met the love of your life and now all you want to do is put as much distance between you and your ex as possible.

What if you end up in another terrible relationship? How can you make sure you don’t fall for the wrong person again?

The answer can be found in the relationship that you have with yourself. That’s what I learned from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.

In his amazing free video, Rudá explains how many of us have the wrong idea about love and end up with unrealistic expectations that are bound to let us down.

Before you are ready to have a meaningful relationship with someone else, you first need to work on the relationship you have with yourself.

My advice is to take the time to watch the free video and listen to what Ruda has to say before you put yourself out there again. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

12) Let others know that the relationship is over

If your ex doesn’t listen to you, it may be worth reaching out to mutual friends, family members, or coworkers.

If they can’t convince your ex that you mean what you say, being an acquaintance of theirs may deter them from contacting you.

If they see that other people in their life are aware of the breakup and that they’ve been told to leave you alone, they may think that any attempts to contact you will make them look bad.

What’s more, once it’s out in the open, the breakup will seem more real and final.

13) Get support from others

The breakup process can be incredibly difficult and challenging, and you may want to reach out for support as you’re going through it.

If your breakup was particularly messy, or if you’re finding it difficult to let go of your feelings for your ex, it can be important to reach out for support.

You can do this in a number of ways:

  • You can talk to a friend or family member about how you’re feeling
  • You can attend therapy (especially if your breakup was particularly messy)
  • You can even reach out to an online support group for others who are going through a breakup.

Getting support can help you during this challenging time, and it can also help you get your ex to leave you alone.

14) Understand that the situation is not your fault

If you’re currently dealing with a stalker breakup, chances are you’ve spent a lot of time blaming yourself for it.

You may be wondering what you did wrong, or you may be beating yourself up for ending the relationship.

You may be blaming yourself for the fact that your ex is acting out and stalking you.

Listen to me: If the breakup was particularly messy and your ex has turned into a stalker, it’s important to understand that what is happening is not your fault.

No matter how much your ex blames you for the breakup, no matter how much they try to make you feel guilty for what happened, it’s not your fault.

Whatever happened between the two of you in the relationship, it has nothing to do with what’s happening now. You didn’t do anything wrong and you don’t deserve this.

15) If things get bad, call the police

Finally, if your ex starts threatening you or shows no sign of stopping, you can call the police and request a restraining order.

Getting a restraining order is often one of the best ways to get your stalker ex to stop.

This is an official document that tells your ex not to contact you, your family, or anyone that you’ve listed as protected people.

They also cannot go into places where you frequent, like work or home, because it would be considered harassment.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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