How to make your ex fall in love with you again using psychology

What if there was a magical potion or spell that could help you get back with your ex?

Seems like something out of a movie, right? Well, what if I told you it’s not as far-fetched as that?

Look, we all have moments in life when things don’t go according to plan. It’s during these times that something small and seemingly unimportant becomes the reason for the end of a relationship.

If you’re reading this article, then I assume that you’re asking yourself: How can I make my ex fall in love with me again?

Don’t waste another minute moping around and worrying about your breakup. Instead, use this as a learning experience and take action!

In this article, you will learn exactly how to make your ex fall in love with you again using psychology.

Let’s jump right in:

1) Take some time apart

First things first: After the breakup, it’s extremely important that you take some time apart from your ex. This goes for both messy and friendly break-ups.

You both need some time for yourselves to process the breakup.

You need time to heal and time to get yourself together again.

Most importantly, you need time to miss each other.

Think about it: If you don’t give your ex some space after the breakup, how will they get a chance to miss you and realize that they can’t live with you?

Remember to stay positive and optimistic during this time. Don’t panic and don’t give into the temptation of calling your ex up and begging them to come back.

Instead, focus on yourself and on bettering yourself.

2) Ask yourself why you broke up

Before you can even begin to think about getting your ex to fall in love with you again, it’s important to ask yourself why you broke up in the first place. Why did they fall out of love with you?

You need to be honest with yourself and look back on the relationship and think about what went wrong.

Was there something you could’ve done to save the relationship?

Here’s a tip from Tina Fey’s book – How to Get Your Ex Back:

“Take out a journal and note down the issues and behavioral patterns that showed up in your relationship – not just at the end of your relationship, but throughout the time you were together. This is uncomfortable, but it’s necessary if you want to move forward and to genuinely make a go of the relationship again.”

Now, think about the present. If you manage to get your ex to fall in love with you again, what will make the relationship better this time around? What do you plan to do to make it work?

If you’ve been avoiding these difficult questions then you don’t really stand much of a chance of winning them back.

3) Be 100% sure this is what you want

After breaking up with someone, it’s easy to fall into a lonely fit of despair. It’s happened to me more than once.

You feel like you’re not good enough. Like you’ll spend the rest of your life alone.

I used to think I’ll end up the “old cat lady” (not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The thing is, when you feel like that, it can be tempting to want to get your ex back for the wrong reasons.

So ask yourself – do you want them to fall back in love with you because you love them and want to spend your life with them, or, do you want them back to avoid being alone?

If it’s the former, then I wish you the best of luck.

But if it’s the latter, then I urge you to abandon your plan of getting your ex back. You both deserve better than to be with someone just because you’re scared of being alone.

Trust me, the right person will come along. In the meantime, learn to love your own company.

4) Get your life together

Your life is a reflection of you and how you feel about yourself.

The way you care for yourself shows others how important you are. If you have let yourself go, it’s time to change that.

You need to be sure that you are eating well and getting enough sleep. You also need to be sure that you are taking care of your mental health.

Don’t let the break-up get the best of you.

So come on, get out of those PJs, put on something nice, brush your teeth and your hair and go out into the world and embrace the good things in life.

5) Do something that makes you feel good

And when it comes to embracing all that life has to offer – you need to do something that makes you feel good.

If you want your ex to fall in love with you again, then you need to be sure that you are feeling as good as possible about yourself and about life.

Do things that make you happy. Start exploring your interests and passions.

If your ex broke up with you because they fell out of love with you, it’s probably because they no longer saw you as the person they fell in love with.

It’s your job to show them that they were wrong and that you are still the amazing person they fell in love with.

6) Go out with your friends and enjoy yourself

pexels jose mieres 847078 How to make your ex fall in love with you again using psychology

Don’t forget that your friends and family are there for you when you need them.

They are there to cheer you up when things are getting you down. They are also there to celebrate your successes and help you celebrate life.

To make your ex fall in love with you again, you need to be sure that you are enjoying life again.

If you’ve been hiding in your home since your breakup, it’s time to change that.

Make sure that you are out there having fun with your friends and enjoying the company of others. Trust me, it will make you feel good and your ex will take notice.

7) Don’t act needy and desperate

Read this very carefully!

Never ever act desperate and needy.

It’s not attractive. In fact, it’s the opposite – it’s unattractive and is sure to have the other person running away from you.

So, make sure that you don’t pressure your ex in any way.

I know that you just want them to fall back in love with you and to live happily ever after but you need to play it cool.

Give your ex space. Show them that you’re moving on with your life. When they’re ready, they’ll come back to you.

8) Establish that you are independent

If you were in a codependent relationship, it’s easy to see why things didn’t work out.

If you want another shot with your ex, you need to show them that you’re independent.

You don’t need them to do things for you, you can manage on your own. You can have fun on your own too.

When they see how well you’re doing on your own, they’ll be reminded of all the reasons they fell in love with you in the first place.

9) Look amazing

Looking amazing isn’t just for your ex, it’s for you too.

When you look amazing, you feel amazing. Think about how you feel when you’re all dressed up for a party and you’re walking down the street. People turn to look at you. You feel ten feet tall, right?

Looking good is a great confidence booster and of course, your ex is bound to take notice.

10) Take care of yourself

If you’re wondering how to get your ex back, then you need to first ask yourself how you can improve your life and make yourself a more attractive partner.

If you want your ex to fall back in love with you, you need to be a better version of yourself.

And this is more than just taking care of what you eat and how you dress. It’s about working on the relationship that you have with yourself.

You see, a lot of the time our relationships fail because we have the wrong idea about love and relationships. We set realistic expectations for ourselves and our partners.

I learned all that from the wise shaman Rudá Iandê.

In his amazing free video, he offers practical solutions to improve the relationships in your life – starting with the relationship you have with yourself.

So if you want to make sure that your ex falls back in love with you and that this time round you don’t fall into the trap of a codependent or toxic relationship, be sure to check out his free video.

11) Take responsibility if you made any mistakes

Yes, sorry can be one of the hardest words to say.

Take it from me, admitting you’re wrong takes a lot of work.

But once you’ve done it, it feels like a great weight has been lifted off your back, especially when it comes to the important stuff. And what could be more important than this?

So if one of the reasons your ex fell out of love with you and left is because of something you did or did not do, you need to own up to it. Put yourself in their shoes, think about how they felt.

Take responsibility and apologize.

Show your ex that you’re ready, willing, and able to change and grow.

12) Show how much you’ve changed

pexels jasmine carter 888923 How to make your ex fall in love with you again using psychology

To carry on from the previous point, once you’ve apologized, you need to show them that you’ve changed.

It’s one thing to say sorry and that you won’t make the same mistake again, it’s another to actually mean it.

They need to know that you’ve changed and that they can trust you again.

You need to let them know that you’re a better person and that you’ve learned from your mistakes. That you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level.

For example, if your ex broke up with you because you were immature and you were not ready to commit, you need to show them that you’re ready to commit now and that you’re capable of making a real and genuine change in your life.

13) Don’t dwell in the past

Once you’ve hashed out the past and apologized to each other, you need to let bygones be bygones.

Don’t keep bringing up the past every time you talk to your ex, especially not the bad parts.

You want your ex to think about the future and a new start with you, you don’t want them thinking about everything that was wrong with your relationship before.

No more arguing about who did what and whose fault something was, no more guilt-tripping. All that’s been dealt with, now it’s time to move forward.

The bottom line is that you need a clean slate if you want them to fall back in love with you.

14) Spend time together as friends

Before you can get back together, you first need to spend some time together without fighting and screaming.

You need to forget about the messiness of the breakup and learn to enjoy each other’s company again.

Don’t rush things. Let things progress naturally at their own pace.

Take the time to hang out as friends first.

Spend some quality time together. Have fun together. Laugh.

Do that and I guarantee you that your ex will fall back in love with you.

15) Be the person that they fell in love with

Relationships fall apart for many different reasons:

  • Poor communication skills which result in constant arguing
  • Different life goals and general incompatibility
  • Infidelity
  • Bad timing
  • Falling out of love

But why do people fall out of love?

It could be because of the other points mentioned above. It could also be because they grow tired of each other, they take each other for granted, or because the other person has changed a lot.

Maybe it’s a little bit of everything.

But don’t lose hope. If your ex fell in love with you once before, they can fall in love with you once again.

You just need to show them that you’re still the same person they fell in love with before – that that person is not gone.

16) Remind your ex how great you are

Now, we all know how amazing the beginning of a relationship can be.

You’re infatuated with each other and you love everything about the other person.

Unfortunately, this can’t last forever. The magic of novelty wears off after a while.

But this doesn’t mean that you can’t be in love and still have a good time together.

You just need to remind your ex about all those unique traits and qualities that you possess.

Whether you’re kind, gentle, wild, adventurous, funny, or outgoing, you need your ex to remember how great you are.

So, when you see each other for a coffee to catch up, or you run into each other at a gathering, be your charming self and they will be drawn to you once again.

17) Remember the good times

Talking about the fun times you had could be a great way to remind your ex of the good times you shared and how much you two cared for each other when you were together.

It could also be a great way to show them that you are still interested in being in a relationship with them.

But how can you do that?

Well, for example, if you’re meeting your ex for coffee to catch up, you can casually slide a fun story from a trip you two took together. “Remember that seedy hotel in Rome? When the concierge thought we were twins? How weird was that guy”

Or, you can send them a text with a cute picture of the two of you and say, “I was clearing some storage on my phone and look at what I came across! That was a wild night wasn’t it?”

Just be sure not to be too obvious and say something like, “We were amazing together and we should get back together!” Take it easy. All in good time.

And there you have it, 18 surefire ways to get your ex back. Just put these psychological tricks into action and you are sure to get them to fall back in love with you in no time.

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.