If you’re reading this, you may have been through a break up. And you want your ex back. The 6 steps in this blog post will help your ex come back to you.
1) Give them space
After an initial explosion, the best thing you can do for them is to give them space. If your ex has been around, but not talking to you, then that’s what they need at first.
If you’ve been texting them and calling them on the phone day and night, then that just pushes them further away.
After a set amount of time that varies for each person, your ex will have their head back together enough to start talking to you again. At this point, they will be receptive to your messages. They haven’t contacted you yet because they need space from you . . . not more contact from you.
Remember: Have patience!
Don’t be a pest! Don’t text, call, or instant message your ex! Let them miss you for a bit and then send them one super simple text.
Something like “Hi” is enough to set the wheels in motion. Do not contact your ex. That means no calls, snail mail, Facebook messages, or any other form of communication.
Your ex will worry and ask why you have been ignoring them if you don’t contact them.
You have to stop acting needy!
You need to stop acting needy and needy-like. I know it sounds hard in the beginning, but you’ll soon see your ex walking up to you with a big smile on their face knowing they got away from you because of what they did wrong.
2) Apply the no contact rule
The no contact rule is simple: don’t contact your ex for a set amount of time. Usually about two weeks is enough between contacts as far as relationship break ups are concerned. If your relationship was longer, you can use this rule for a slightly longer amount of time.
I generally recommend no contact for about two weeks between the relationship ending and contacting them again.
This will help you move on if that’s what you want. If you still have feelings for them and want your ex back, then I would say a month plus a week is more suitable. The longer you wait, the better the chances are that they will think of you less often and move on.
The no contact rule is applied before you contact them again. The idea of the no contact rule is that it lets your ex get their feelings for you back when you’re not in their life anymore. They will miss you
No contact will be painful, especially if you want to keep in touch with your ex. They aren’t replying because they are still feeling the pain of the break up and want some space from you to heal.
You need to respect that and give it to them.
3) Become a person you can be proud of
If you want your ex back, then you need to become the person that both you and your ex can be proud of. Taking steps to become this person are simple and effective.
- Spend more time for yourself.
If you’ve had a break up, then more than likely you’re feeling down. It’s important to understand that your ex will pick up on the emotions you are emitting.
If you feel down, they will most likely feel down too and not want to spend time with you.
Make it a point to do nice things for yourself. Treat yourself by doing something that makes you happy every day.
The more positive energy you emit, the better your ex will feel about spending time with you, not some hot headed emotional mess.
Remember, you aren’t perfect.
You just need to try your best at being the person you can be proud of and make an effort to become that person. The more time you spend on yourself, the less time they will have for thinking about your negative emotions.
Your ex will begin to see that you are the person they fell in love with. They will think to themselves, “Wow, I’ve been missing out on so much.”
The more positive energy you emit, the more likely it is that your ex will start to feel the same about you.
- Do the things you want to do.
Your ex took the time to get to know you and learn what you’re passionate about. The more you do things that make you happy, the better your chances are that they will want to be around you.
If they are spending time with someone they love, then odds are they will want to spend even more time with them.
You can start off by doing simple things like making it a point to go outside and take a walk every day. If you have time to do that, then you have time to work on your confidence. You don’t have to be too ambitious and walk in the park.
The point is simple: make it a point to do something every day that will make you happy.
If you put in effort and make it a point, it will happen naturally after a while. Your ex will begin to see this and appreciate the effort behind what you are doing for yourself.
This will push them over the edge of being ready for another chance at love and they will be ready to come back to you
4) Make some positive changes in your appearance
Even though you may have dated someone for a considerable amount of time, they still see you as the person you were in the beginning.
It takes more than a few weeks to change your appearance and make yourself more appealing to your ex. The longer amount of time the better in this case.
- Cut your hair
If you’ve been looking like a mess and haven’t been caring about yourself, then it’s time to fix that.
Get a haircut that you can be proud of and start spending more time for yourself. You’ll begin to attract more attention from your ex.
- Change up your style
This is also important as it’s possible for you to get yourself in the mindset of wanting to look good and become a more interesting person.
- Take a shower everyday
This goes hand-in-hand with changing up your style. If you haven’t been showering every day, then it’s time to start again.
But this time, shower everyday and dress nice. You don’t have to be too fancy with your clothes, but the point is that you want to look like a human being that can be respected as someone who is dedicated to bettering themselves.
Don’t worry, the shower will be quick because you don’t want to spend too long in there. Just enough time to wash your hair and body and start feeling good about yourself again.
- Dress well
This is even more important as you don’t want to look like a slob. Spend time for yourself and make an effort on putting in effort on your outward appearance.
Don’t be embarrassed about shopping for clothes and dressing up. You will feel good when you do it because you are making an effort to improve yourself.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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- Learn how to make up
If you are the kind of girl that doesn’t wear make-up, then you should seriously get into it. Again, this is all about making an effort to better yourself and give yourself more attention.
If you’ve been living like a slob, then this is the first step towards changing yourself for the better.
Don’t worry about the way you feel about yourself, just make an effort in improving your appearance and feel good about yourself for doing it. Before you know it, your ex will see that you are moving on with your life and they will want a piece of it too.
- Take care of your body
This is just as important as fixing up your appearance. You don’t have to have a perfect body shape but at least you should start getting your body in shape.
Start working out!
It’s not too much effort and it will make you happier. Start eating healthy food and stop eating junk food.
- Cleaning your teeth is a must
It’s something else that can be done easily and it’s not that time-consuming. This will give you a confident smile.
5) Make some positive changes in your mentality
It’s one thing to make some changes with your appearance and lifestyle, but if you haven’t changed your attitude about you and life, then you’ll never get the chance to get back together with your ex.
There are some things you can do after breaking up to make you feel better and bring positive changes in your mentality
- You can allow yourself to grieve for a while
You may not have known about how you were feeling for a long time, so it’s normal to feel upset about the breakup.
Don’t ignore how you feel and don’t try too hard to put on a happy face for your ex. It’s ok to stay sad and angry for a while.
The important thing is that you don’t let them push you back out of your grief. Instead, let yourself grieve and feel the emotions you’re really hiding. Then learn to love yourself again. Try not to force yourself to change your emotional state into desire for your ex.
- Write a journal
This is one of the greatest ways to get over any heartbreak or a significant loss in your life. The most important thing about it is that you write down what you’re feeling and don’t worry about making sense.
Just write out all your emotions, whether that’s anger, sadness, or even happiness. Write down all your thoughts; know that whatever you have written will be destroyed later on.
It’s important that you give yourself some time to process what happened and writing down your emotions will be a good way to do it. If this is too hard, then talking with a friend or even counselor may help you.
- Spend time with your family members and friends.
It’s important that you spend time with people who love you and care about you. When the opportunity presents itself, try to spend time with them and get out of the house too. Getting out of the house will let you get some fresh air and leave your mind for a while.
If you’re new to meditation this may sound like a little daunting task, but it really isn’t. Meditation is a form of mind training that uses breathing and visualization to calm the body and mind.
When we practise meditation, we learn how to control our nervous system so that our thoughts become clear and calm . This can only happen if we get ourselves familiar with meditation by using it every day for some time.
- Regain your self-esteem
Now that you have some time to yourself, use it to get back to your old self and regain your self-esteem. Do things that you never had the chance to do before, like go out with friends or family or even start doing something new.
Having a positive attitude is the key to getting yourself back on the right track and turning your life around.
Besides, your ex would have no reason to want to date you again because they don’t see anything appealing about you. So, to make yourself more attractive, you can follow some suggestions.
- Don’t be a pessimist
If your outlook on life is negative, it will reflect in everything that you do and say. You will find yourself having a negative day every single day. Don’t be afraid to look at the positive side of things. Make a point in improving your outlook on life by looking at it in a nice way.
- Enjoy life
It’s important to start enjoying the little things that we are blessed with. If you are an optimist, then you will look at things differently and try to make them better by enjoying them more than what they used to be.
Try to look at things in a positive way and always make some effort in looking for the good in situations.
- Be nice to everyone
If you were horrible to your ex, then don’t be afraid to apologize. You are only doing it because you are thinking about your ex and what they might think of you. You don’t have to maintain that focus on them and just get back in the mindset of being nice to everyone.
- Be generous
Giving is a great thing to do. You don’t have to be an over-the-top giver, but if you are in a situation where you can help someone out, then do it.
The point isn’t to embarrass yourself by giving things that you don’t need or can’t afford. Just give what you can and sometimes it will end up being more than expected and will make the person feel good about themselves for the rest of their life.
- Be supportive
If there is something going on in your ex’s life, then be there for support. Don’t make it obvious that you are there as a rebound, but just be there to help them out in any way possible.
If your partner asks for some advice about something, then provide it if you can. Be supportive of their ideas and what they want to do with their life.
- Be responsible
Be responsible for yourself and do the things that you can do on your own. If you are not responsible for yourself, then you’ll never be able to keep a good relationship with your ex.
It’s important that you start being responsible for yourself before trying to get back in there with them.
- Be positive
It’s important for you to be around positive people and surroundings. If you hang out with negative people and places, then your outlook on life will make everything seem like it’s terrible.
This will bring negativity in your life and in the person you are with as well. Try to be around positive people who know how to have a positive outlook on life and can always lift up your spirits when needed.
6) Show them the best version of yourself
After doing everything to improve yourself, try to contact your ex and show them your better version.
This will give him the chance to see what kind of person you are and that you have come a long way.
People want to experience things that are unknown to them, so if you bring up anything negative in your past, then it will make them wonder why they even bothered getting back with you in the first place.
Here’s the thing: Keep your distance.
Once they have seen your better version and the changes that you have gone through, then it’s time for us to keep our distance. Don’t be clingy. Just show how better you are now and this makes them want you again.
These tips may seem simple but they work as long as you follow them religiously. Don’t be scared to take a new opportunity, because once you start getting your ex back, things will change.
Remember that others have been through this before and have succeeded in getting their ex back. Take their tips and learn from them for their own benefit. If you want to get your ex back, then apply suggestions in this article.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder