How to make a narcissist ex miserable

Narcissists are known for being self-centered, vain, and obsessed with their own image.

If you have a narcissist ex, you know they value relationships primarily for how they can be used to further the narcissist’s own ends.

They often hurt their partners a lot and seem to get away unscathed.

All this might leave you craving revenge for what they’ve done to you emotionally.

Now, I have some good news for you! You can make your narcissist ex completely miserable without even having to do anything “evil” or stooping down on their level!

Let me show you how:

1) Stop answering their texts and calls

If your narcissist ex keeps reaching out to you, there’s a chance you’re still in their life for one of two reasons:

Either you’re still in a relationship with them or you’re still in their life as an “accessory”.

Either way, you’re at risk of getting sucked into their unhealthy behavior.

So, if you want to put an end to the drama, stop replying to their calls and texts.

If you’re still in contact with them, they might get mad at you and start putting pressure on you.

Once they realize you’re not going to change your mind, they’ll move on to someone else who’s more interested in being in a relationship with them.

The thing is, narcissists absolutely hate not being the center of attention.

They are used to manipulating people so much that when they call, the other person will always pick up right away.

Noticing that you are not doing that will make them miserable because they suddenly feel like they are losing control over you!

Want to take this another step further? Then let’s take a look at the next point:

2) Ignore them completely

If you ignore your narcissist ex completely and don’t give them any attention or reactions, they will feel miserable.

Narcissists thrive when they have an audience and they’re receiving validation from their partners.

If they don’t get what they want from you, they will feel miserable and might just try to find someone else who will give them the attention they crave.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you should just ignore them when you see them in person. If you did that, they might try to bring you back in through manipulation.

Instead, you should try not to meet up with them and ignore them completely.

Also, you can tell them why you’re doing it and why it’s the best decision for both of you.

You can say something along the lines of “Hey, I think it’s better for us both to have some space from one another now so please don’t reach out to me.”

If they keep contacting you, don’t respond and just block their number/social media accounts so they have no way of contacting you.

I promise you, this will be a narcissist’s biggest nightmare.

Narcissists thrive on the fact that they can reel you back in whenever you try to pull away. When you don’t give them an opportunity to even talk to you, though, they will not know what to do and feel terrible.

Now: what about those instances where you do have to meet them? Let’s talk about it in the next point:

3) When you do see them, act indifferent

When you do see your narcissist ex, act indifferent towards them.

Don’t go out of your way to see them, don’t get upset when you accidentally run into them, and don’t apologize for things you did to them in the past.

Instead, even if a part of you still has feelings for them, act as if they are just another random stranger you have to be nice to.

That might seem a little heartless, but it’s actually the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

It will hurt your narcissist ex to see that they don’t have any power over you anymore and that you’re completely indifferent to their existence.

If they ever try to get you to apologize to them, just say “no”.

You don’t owe them anything and if you apologize and they know that it hurts you, they’ll use it against you later on.

Being ignored and someone being indifferent to them are the two things a narcissist hates the most in this world.

After all, they can’t manipulate someone who is indifferent to them! This is your power, use it to your advantage!

This works even better if you are really kind and nice to them, they won’t know what to do!

Speaking of being nice:

4) Show them how happy you are

Your narcissist ex might be hoping that if they “sticks it out” with you, they’ll eventually bring you down to their level and make you miserable.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is a draining experience.

It makes you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells and never know what mood your partner will be in from one moment to the next.

If you show your narcissist ex that you’ve found peace, love, and happiness without them, they’ll only be more frustrated with themselves.

They might try to sabotage your relationships and friendships out of spite, but that’s a sure way to make themselves miserable in the process.

You see, narcissists can’t believe that other people could be happier without them, that’s just not in their scope of understanding. In their opinion, they are the ultimate source of your happiness.

Now: if you go ahead and show them how happy you are now that you are no longer with them, it will make them completely miserable.

Another way to make them miserable? Have boundaries:

5) Set your own boundaries and stick to them

Narcissists are often manipulative and like to control their partners.

If you want to make your narcissist ex miserable, you need to establish clear boundaries with them.

Let them know where you stand and make it very clear that you won’t tolerate any abuse or manipulation.

If they try to guilt trip you or manipulate you into doing something, don’t engage and just say “no”.

If they start criticizing you, don’t try to defend yourself and just ignore them.

If they end up getting furious with you, don’t apologize or try to make it right.

Let them know that you won’t tolerate any abuse and that you’re setting your own boundaries.

This will completely throw a narcissist off track.

In their world, they thrive off of controlling you emotionally. In order to do that, they know that your boundaries are weak and that they can do what they want with you.

Now: if your boundaries are suddenly a lot stronger, they will feel miserable, because it will dawn on them that they no longer have any control over you.

Speaking of not having control:

6) Tell them no and be stern about it

Let’s say your narcissist ex wants you to do something for them.

You don’t have to say yes just because you feel bad about rejecting them or because you are their ex.

If they try to guilt trip you into doing something for them, just say “no”.

If they get mad, don’t apologize and just say “no” again.

They’ll probably try to twist the situation around and make you feel like you’re in the wrong, but don’t let them make you feel guilty.

If you say “no” firmly and repeat it as many times as you need to, they’ll eventually give up.

You see, for a narcissist, nothing is worse than being rejected. They are used to getting all their demands filled because they manipulate the people around them.

If you go ahead and just don’t play into their bullsh*t, they won’t know how to react – they’ll be speechless.

More importantly, it will make them miserable.

But you could drag other people into this:

7) Call out their gaslighting and manipulation in front of other people

If your narcissist ex tries to gaslight you or manipulate you into doing something, don’t let them get away with it.

Let them know that you’re not going to fall for their tricks and that you don’t appreciate them trying to make you feel bad about yourself.

When they’re in front of other people, they’ll have to tone down their behavior and they won’t be able to get away with as much.

They might even get embarrassed and try to leave the situation.

If you’re breaking up with a narcissist, they might try to gaslight and manipulate you into staying with them.

They might say things like “no one else will want you” or “I’m the only one who truly loves you”.

Don’t fall for it. Stand up for yourself and let the narcissist know that you’re not going to let them manipulate you into staying with them.

When you call them out in front of other people, narcissists will feel miserable, because their perfect facade is slowly crumbling.

They want to keep their face in front of others, but if you call them out, they won’t be able to.

In the meantime, focus on your own growth:

pexels rodnae productions 9064693 How to make a narcissist ex miserable

8) Focus on your own growth

If your narcissist ex is still around and you’re hoping that they’ll change, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of frustration.

Narcissists don’t change, especially not on their own.

They need to be pushed to change and often go through therapy in order to learn how to interact with people in a healthy way.

If you really want to make your narcissist ex miserable, you need to focus on your own growth.

You need to learn how to recognize toxic people and stay away from them.

You also need to learn how to set boundaries and say “no” when you need to.

You see, you need to focus on your own growth as if your narcissist ex is never going to change, because they probably won’t.

When you focus on your own growth and not your narcissist ex, they will feel miserable because they want to be the center of attention in your world.

They will be threatened by the fact that you are growing and improving. Speaking of becoming better:

9) Strive to be better

Let’s say you’ve broken up with a narcissist.

You might be wondering why you put up with all the drama and why you didn’t just leave sooner.

You might be feeling confused, ashamed, and regretful.

But don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, strive to be better.

With each new day, you have the power to be a better person than you were the day before.

Once you break up with your narcissist ex, you can learn from your mistakes and strive to be better than you were during that relationship.

You can learn to recognize toxic people faster, set better boundaries, and be proud of yourself for sticking to your values and not putting up with toxic behavior.

And the best part? You can improve the skills that you have.

One more thing that makes a narcissist absolutely miserable is having someone else be better than them at something.

Think about it: they want to be the best, always.

If you strive to be better and you improve yourself or your skills, they will be miserable because you are beating them.

10) Talk to a professional if you need it to build up your confidence

If you’re still struggling with the decision you made to break up with your narcissist ex, talk to a professional.

You might need some help recognizing that you deserve better and that you don’t have to keep letting them hurt you.

You might feel unsure about ending the relationship because you’re afraid that you won’t find anyone else.

Nothing will make a narcissist more miserable than knowing that you have professional help who will help you to get over them and break free from their manipulative grasp.

This is when they know they are losing control, and they absolutely hate that!

That’s a good thing – you have a win-win situation!

Stay strong

I know that having a narcissist ex can be a challenge, but you need to stay strong.

If you follow these tips, you will make your ex miserable without even being a bad person.

In fact, you are simply rising above them and being the better person, which deep down, they know and that will make them even more miserable!

These tips are perfect to get some revenge on your ex without having to threaten your own value and beliefs!

Picture of Anna Scheucher

Anna Scheucher

Freelance writer specializing in holistic health, wellness, and psychology. Check out my blog to find out more!

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