If you love a commitment-phobe, then this is for you.
Loving a person who fears commitment is hard.
But here’s the good news: it’s possible to love a commitment-phobe!
All they require is a little bit of effort on your part.
Here are 15 tips that will make sure commitment-phobic coupled grow into the type of couple that inspires jealousy in others upon their wedding day.
1) Get out there and be bold
Couples who are afraid to say what they want will find it hard to get the other person to commit.
If a commitment-phobe is too scared to ask you out, take the leap!
Be the initiator and ask that special someone out on a date.
You’ll both be glad you did.
Tell your partner what you want from them–domestic skills, when you’d like to have children, or how finance is going to change in the relationship.
Coming out and just being honest with your partner will build trust.
And when you both trust each other, you can finally feel secure enough to start a committed relationship.
2) Be true to yourself
Commitment-phobes may feel like they don’t have choices in life, but you know better.
You are a person with a mind, who can think and make decisions for yourself, just like anyone else.
You don’t have to be kind and charitable to the commitment-phobe.
When they’re in a bad mood, they’ll simply take that out on you.
You know how to deal with them–and you know what makes you happy as well.
Don’t accept the idea that you will always be stuck in one position or with one person simply because you’re afraid to commit.
So just be true to yourself, and all will be well.
Start making your own decisions, and take risks to move forward with life.
You’re a great person, and you deserve to be with someone who isn’t afraid of your choices.
They might decide that they don’t want to commit to you.
And if this happens, it’s okay.
All you need to do is say no and stick to it!
You’ll feel better about the breakup, and you’ll know that there are still great people out there for you.
3) Be supportive
When you are with someone who is afraid to commit, the way to show them your love is by being selfless and supportive.
Your partner may be going through something and it may be the reason why there is hesitation in committing to you.
Instead of pestering them about it, show your support by letting them do what they need to do.
Make them see that you are always behind their back no matter what.
When commitment-phobes find the courage to ask for your commitment, they’ll start feeling so much more confident in their ability to make life work.
But what happens when you’re feeling down on yourself?
When this happens, make an effort to be supportive of yourself.
Don’t lose sight of yourself and your own goals and desires.
You’re still a great person, so don’t lose sight of that.
And don’t put all your confidence in another person.
Trust them, but trust yourself as well, because you can’t rely on anyone else for your own happiness.
And if your partner really wants to be with you, he/she will show up and support you too.
4) Make an effort to understand each other
Commitment-phobia usually stems from poor communication, so make an effort to understand each other.
When dealing with someone who isn’t ready to commit, it’s important to avoid getting into a battle of words and emotions.
Don’t talk about your problems or dwell on them.
It isn’t always practical for you to control another person, so try not to take things personally.
Here’s the thing.
One of the main reasons why commitment-phobes are afraid to commit is that they’re afraid of change.
If they feel that they’re boxed in, they’ll explode.
So make sure you understand where your relationship is going and what the future will hold for you.
Talk about your desires and plans for the future, and realize that things might change along the way.
Take small steps rather than big leaps toward each other.
5) Be patient
If you want to change a commitment-phobe, be patient.
He/she will progress slowly.
In order for him/her to change, they need to feel comfortable with the situation and in full control of it.
The best way to do this is by moving forward one step at a time.
A commitment-phobe will try and avoid anything that makes him/her feel trapped.
And if you’re too impatient, then you might be pushing your partner away.
If you don’t have the patience to wait for them to make the decision, then this relationship is not for you.
You need to be patient with yourself as well.
It’s easy to get frustrated when making a commitment-phobe fall in love with you isn’t happening as fast as you want it to happen.
Patience is a virtue that should be practiced, especially when dealing with them.
When you’re with a commitment-phobe, it shouldn’t take an hour to tell them that you love them.
Instead of being impatient, just wait for them to come around on their own.
Patience will make you better in the long run.
It’s difficult for someone who is afraid to commit to telling you about their fears and nervousness.
They are likely to keep their feelings bottled up, so show them that you can wait for them.
And it’s all about showing them that you’d love the person they want to be someday.
6) Make sure to listen
Many commitment-phobes feel alone.
They feel a kind of loneliness that stems from their fears and the inability to express their feelings.
It’s okay if you don’t know what to say, though.
Just be there for them when they need you to be there.
You can always ask them how they are feeling if something is bothering them.
This will make them feel better, and it might even open up the dialogue in the relationship.
Commitment-phobes love to talk and be heard.
So make sure to give them the chance to vent their feelings out.
If they open up to you, they’ll be able to let go of their fears and doubts, and when this happens, they will start making a move toward you.
When dealing with commitment phobia, it’s important for you to listen first and foremost.
Commitment-phobes will feel more at ease if they know that you’re committed to them.
It’s important for them to know that you won’t be going anywhere and that you’ll support them and help them in whatever way you can.
If they feel like you are giving up on the relationship, this could trigger a commitment-phobia in them.
Be a good listener.
But by being a good listener, you actually give them the opportunity to tell you what they want.
And if they decide they don’t want to be with you anymore, at least they’ll know that you tried everything in your power to help them.
7) Be positive
When dealing with a commitment-phobe, you have to be positive and upbeat.
Remember, they are probably trying their best to hold the relationship together by keeping it afloat.
If you give up on them, they’ll feel like all the work was for nothing.
You don’t want them feeling like life is too much for them to handle.
It’s hard for someone who is afraid to commit when they see so many negative things in themselves.
You can’t expect your partner to get over their fears if you don’t even come close to it yourself.
You need to show that life is great and that there is nothing for them to worry about.
If things are going badly, it’s not necessary to make a big deal out of it.
Just tell them that you’re fine and that you’re looking forward to the future together.
8) Be honest
People usually trust someone who is honest and open.
When dealing with a commitment-phobe, never lie to them.
If you want to be with them, then tell them that you’re looking for a future together.
You can always explain to them that your future plans do not include getting married just yet.
Just make sure they know your intentions, and try not to gloss over the fact that you want to stay with them for the rest of your life.
Commitment-phobes are usually very straightforward, so you should be as well.
You have to make sure that they know that you’re trustworthy and that you won’t lie to them ever.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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They might not trust people easily, so you have to prove your trustworthiness in order for them to feel comfortable around you.
If they see that they can trust you, they’ll be able to learn how to trust other people.
We have come halfway through this article.
Read along for more tips.
9) Be on the same page
Being in a relationship with someone who is afraid of commitment can be very frustrating.
You have to remember that they are dealing with a lot of insecurities, and this might make them act differently than you.
You need to be on the same page as them.
How will you do that?
Make sure that you’re communicating your feelings and thoughts with one another.
Be straightforward in everything you say, and never give any false impressions about how you feel about one another.
People are usually attracted to those who are honest with them and know exactly what they want.
When you’re around a commitment-phobic, you need to let them know that you’re on the same page as they are.
Do not ask them to get married just so you can have a guarantee that they will stick around.
If they decide to stay with you after they’ve seen where they want to go with their lives, then that’s great.
If they see that you’re not happy or that their future plans don’t agree with yours, it could be a red flag right away.
This will make them feel trapped and trapped people don’t make good relationships after all.
10) Make them feel special
Commitment-phobes are very insecure.
They don’t believe that they deserve to be loved, and they most definitely don’t think that you genuinely want to be with them.
And this is probably a good thing.
If they thought you legitimately wanted to be with them, this might trigger their fears and make them run away even faster.
So then how do you get over their fears?
You make them feel special. You have to give them the love and affection that they need.
If you show them that you’re willing to spend time with them and that you’re willing to invest in their future, and if you treat them with love, it will show them that they are worthy of being loved.
You have to share your life with this person.
If they see how happy you are around them, they’ll feel like your happiness is because of them.
11) Don’t take them for granted
When dealing with commitment-phobia, you must know that they might be a little on the shy side.
This is not a good thing, though.
Why? Hear me out.
It’s normal to be shy when you first meet someone and when you first enter a relationship with someone.
They might be scared of what the future will bring, so they want to get to know you before they commit.
But when dealing with commitment-phobic, it’s a little different.
This is mainly because they might be afraid of being hurt again or not being able to live up to your expectations.
It’s important for you to be there when they need you and not let them down as much as possible.
You have to make sure that you don’t take them for granted.
The only way you can make sure this happens is by talking about your expectations and fears.
If you allow them to be as comfortable with their insecurities as possible, they’ll feel like it’s okay to open up to you and let you into their world.
Make them feel you are their safe place. Make them feel they are important.
However, don’t push your luck, and don’t expect them to do the same for you either.
12) Be careful when you want something
You don’t know what the future holds and what will happen tomorrow, so you can’t promise them anything.
This is a tough pill for commitment-phobes to swallow, so try your best not to pressure them and make them feel guilty.
Always tell them that you’re doing this because you love them.
Of course, they won’t understand at first if you start by saying that you love them.
But then again, they might.
And if they do, that doesn’t mean you have to tell them right away.
Let them get over their fear first and see where things go from there.
It’s not easy for anyone, but it’s usually better to let someone make their own decision about the future than take it for granted and pressure them into something.
We’re almost done here. Continue reading!
13) Give them time to know you
A relationship with someone who is commitment-phobic is going to be a little different than what you’re used to.
But if you’re serious about wanting this person in your life, then that’s great!
You have to give them time to know you and for them to see why they should be with you.
They are not ready to commit right away, and giving them time to know you and learn more about you is one of the best ways to go about this.
But here’s the catch.
You might have to wait a while before they can open up.
So if you really want them in your life, be patient and give them time to do so.
It’s a key step toward bringing out their insecurities and making them feel comfortable around you.
Be patient and let things happen naturally instead of forcing it.
14) Do not force them to commit
You shouldn’t force someone to commit to you, especially if they are commitment-phobic.
If your partner is commitment-phobic, then this should tell you something about their feelings.
They are either confused or they aren’t ready for a relationship at all.
If you start pushing them towards it, it will backfire.
They’ll feel like you’re pressuring them and make them feel more uncomfortable about the entire thing.
You can’t force anyone to commit.
Even if they want to, they might not be ready.
So if you want this person in your life and in your future, don’t try to push this issue toward them.
It’s better to wait until they are ready before you push them towards taking the next step together.
Do not be aggressive and let them work through their feelings.
15) Do not manipulate their insecurities
When dealing with commitment-phobia, you have to remember that they might be a little more sensitive than other people.
They tend to talk about their insecurities more often than others, and they might be a bit more insecure overall as well.
This is great if things are going well between the two of you, but try not to exploit it if things go sour.
We all have things that we are insecure about.
Just remember that you are just one person and you don’t always have the business to walk in someone else’s shoes, so be careful not to judge them.
They might have had a different childhood or they might have been through a lot of trauma, and they might be scarred for life because of it.
Don’t take it out on them.
If you want them to open up to you, don’t be aggressive and do not use their fears against them.
Doing this will only make things worse and push them further away.
And finally, the last tip,
16) Be committed
I know this is a little bit cliché and overdone, but it’s true.
Be committed to the relationship that you want with this person, no matter what anyone tells you.
Do not let your insecurities get between you and that person.
You must be committed to them, regardless of their feelings towards it.
If you don’t put effort into wanting them in your life, they will probably just go looking for someone else who’s more willing to do so.
But if you do want to work at building a relationship with a commitment-phobe, you need to make a commitment yourself and stay committed.
If you’re trying to build a relationship with this person, then you need to be as much of what they are.
They might not like the fact that you are more ambitious and determined than them.
But you have to be something they want in order to become their safe place.
And if you’re on their side and help them work through their insecurities and fears, then they will see that it was worth it.
So be committed to them!
This is the only way you can succeed with someone who knows that commitment phobia exists.
And that’s it for this article.
As you can see, it’s not easy to find the right way to approach a commitment-phobic person.
But one thing is for sure.
You must be patient and give them some time to work through their fears.
It’s not going to happen overnight, so accept that and do your best not to push them into anything they aren’t ready for or willing to do.
Be open-minded and just let things happen naturally instead of forcing it on them.
Know that you did your part.
It is up to them to do theirs.
How this one revelation changed my love life
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Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder