How to leave someone you love but can’t be with? 10 key tips

Leaving someone you love can feel like the most difficult thing in the world.

You love them but you know that the relationship has no future and it’s best for both of you to break up.

Here are 10 key tips on how to break up with someone you love, and what you should consider before doing so.

1) Think about your decision

Take some time to think about your decision and whether it is really the right one for you.

There are often difficult situations in relationships that can make it hard to think clearly about your options.

If you feel that you love the person but want to break up with them, consider what this will mean for both of you and whether there are ways that you could make the relationship work.

Don’t rush into a decision that you’ll regret later. It is better to think things through first and make sure that you do what is best for both of you.

2) Think about how you will broach the topic

Think about the effect your decision will have on the person you are breaking up with.

You need to think about how you will approach breaking up with your partner, and how they will react to it.

If you are breaking up because there is no future for the relationship and you don’t want to give them false hope or hurt their feelings, then tell them openly and honestly so that they know what’s happening.

Tell them how much you love them and explain why the relationship is over, for example, because you have different aspirations in life.

Being direct and honest with your partner may be the most successful way to break up with them. This way, they will know what to expect and you won’t be left with any regrets about how you handled things.

3) Speak to a relationship coach about it

While the tips listed in this article will help you break up with someone you love, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

That’s what I recently did.

When I was at my worst point in my relationship I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.

I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.

But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific, and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years.

Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me.

They are also perfectly placed to help you end a relationship with someone you love but can’t be with. They can help you figure out how to do it in a way that will least hurt your partner.

Relationship Hero is a hugely popular relationship coaching site because they provide solutions, not just talk.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

4) Do it in person

Here’s the deal: If you do decide to break up with someone, then make sure to do it in person.

Never ever break up with someone – especially someone you love – via text or email.

Breaking up in person may not be easy, but it shows respect for the other person.

What’s more, doing it in person allows you to break off the relationship on your terms and gives you time to talk things through with your partner and deal with their feelings.

5) Be honest

Be honest about why you have made this decision.

Don’t try to make excuses or tell white lies to ease the blow of your decision.

If you’re not happy then be honest about why you are ending things.

The way you break up can have a significant effect on how they feel and how they will deal with the situation. As I’ve already mentioned, it’s advisable to break up in person whenever possible.

They want to know that you are honest and direct and that there is nothing hidden between the lines of your message.

6) Give them time to take it in

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Try not to deliver the bad news too quickly.

Breaking up is never easy for anyone, and your partner may need time to come to terms with this.

It is important if you care about that person that you don’t rush things.

Give them enough time to take it in before you leave them, as well as your reasons for leaving – both of these may be useful later on.

7) Avoid long narratives

Don’t spend too long talking about relationships you’ve been in before or about your ideal relationship.

Don’t run down a list of things that have not gone well over the course of the relationship. Focus on why you are breaking up with them and how you feel about it.

Try to get to the point quickly, so that they don’t have to listen to too much detail. Leaving someone is difficult in itself, but listening to details can add insult to injury.

8) Don’t question your decision

Once you’ve made your decision, stick to it.

If you break up with someone then there is no point in engaging in a discussion about whether you should have stayed together.

If you find yourself second-guessing your decision, then this is just going to give your partner hope that the relationship can be saved and prolong the breakup process.

Just remember why you made this decision in the first place! And stick to it.

But I get it, it’s not easy letting go of someone you love, especially if you’ve been together through thick and thin.

Even though you know the decision was the right one to make, you probably feel bad, stressed, and maybe even guilty for breaking up with them.

If that’s the case, I highly recommend watching this free breathwork video, created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê.

Rudá isn’t another self-professed life coach. Through shamanism and his own life journey, he’s created a modern-day twist to ancient healing techniques.

The exercises in his invigorating video combine years of breathwork experience and ancient shamanic beliefs, designed to help you relax and check in with your body and soul.

After many years of suppressing my emotions, Rudá’s dynamic breathwork flow quite literally revived that connection.

And that’s what you need:

A spark to reconnect you with your feelings so that you can begin focusing on the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself.

So if you’re ready to say goodbye to anxiety and stress, check out his genuine advice below.

Click here to watch the free video.

9) Don’t expect them to agree with you

Don’t try to pressure them into agreeing with your decision.

Now, your first reaction may be to make sure that they understand why you have made this decision and why you are breaking up with them.

But, by trying to get them to agree with you, you might end up having a never-ending discussion.

The bottom line is that you’ve already taken stock of your relationship and decided that breaking up is what’s best for both of you.

This is not about convincing them otherwise. It’s about telling them what you’ve decided to do and why, so that you don’t leave them any room for doubt.

10) Best not to remain friends

You may feel that you’ll be able to remain friends with your partner and maintain some kind of relationship.

But it can be hard to remain friends with someone you have been in a romantic relationship with.

There may always be a tinge of regret or sadness about the breakup, and this is something that neither of you will necessarily want to deal with.

It could be especially hard on your ex as they were not the ones that decided to break up.

You can rethink this decision down the line when both of you have healed your wounds and moved on, but for now, it’s best that you spend time apart.

All in all, it’s best for both of you if you don’t remain friends.

How do you know that a relationship can’t be saved?

It’s hard to know whether a relationship can be saved or not, but there are some red flags that might suggest that it’s time to call it quits.

One or both of you is unhappy in the relationship

If you aren’t happy in a relationship then it may be best to break up and find something better.

Now, sometimes there are things that can be done to save a relationship. But if, despite all the work that you’ve done you’re still feeling pretty miserable, then it may be best to part ways.

You don’t trust them anymore

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Has your partner betrayed your trust in some way?

Maybe there was infidelity involved or maybe they were just dishonest.

If you’ve tried to trust your partner again and make the relationship work but you still feel that you can’t trust your partner anymore, then this is probably a sign that the relationship can’t be saved.

You no longer feel like you have fun together

Here’s the thing: If you are no longer enjoying each other’s company, then this could be a relationship that will only get worse.

Sometimes people struggle to realize that they are unhappy until they see what life would look like without their partner.

If this is the case then it’s pretty obvious that the relationship can’t continue.

There are more serious issues going on in their life

Your partner may be dealing with mental health issues or have other problems such as an addiction that could get in the way of your staying together.

If they’re not willing to get help, or if, despite seeking help, their problems keep getting in the way of your relationship and affect your well-being, then it may be time to call it quits.

You’ve lost respect for them

You’ve seen the worst side of your partner and you just can’t respect them anymore.

  • Maybe they don’t act right towards other people.
  • Maybe they make fun of the less unfortunate.
  • Maybe they find other people’s suffering amusing.
  • Maybe they’re selfish and self-centered.
  • Or maybe they’ve done something so horrible that you can’t stand to be around them anymore.

Whatever it is that is making you feel this way about them, it could be another sign that your relationship can’t be saved.

You want very different things in life

Maybe you want to get married and they want an open relationship.

Maybe they want kids and you don’t.

Sometimes people want very different things in life and can’t bring themselves to compromise. In that case, it makes no sense for them to be together because ultimately, one of them will end up unhappy.

Your partner wants you to change

From converting to their religion to controlling other aspects of your life, if your partner wants you to change then this is not a relationship that can be saved.

If they are trying to change the things that are important to you, then they are less concerned with making you happy and more concerned with making their own life easier.

In my opinion, this is not a healthy relationship, so it’s best to break up and find someone that respects you as an individual.

They don’t respect you

If your partner is emotionally or physically abusive, then this is not a relationship that can be saved.

If they disrespect you and treat you poorly, then they don’t care about your needs and well-being. This kind of behavior cannot be tolerated.

Think about it:

If the person you are supposed to be the most intimate with does not respect you, then why would you want to stay with them?

You fall in love with someone else

Sometimes people stay with their partner out of a sense of loyalty and not because they’re in love.

If you fall in love with someone else, then you need to pursue that love.

You need to break up with your partner because ultimately, you’re not doing anyone any favors by sticking around.

You just don’t love them anymore

Finally, they could be the sweetest, kindest, most loving person in the world, but if you don’t love them then you should ask yourself why you’re still with them.

Just because you’re married or in a long-term relationship doesn’t mean that you have to stay together forever.

Sometimes, people grow apart and love fades. And it’s not the end of the world. Maybe you can still be friends.

By being together you could be missing out on finding the love of your life.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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