Unfortunately, people cheat.
It doesn’t make you an evil monster, it makes you human.
Even if it was something you never dreamed of doing; even if it happened only once, you can’t take it back and you have to accept that there are consequences.
If your relationship ended because you cheated on your boyfriend, then this article is for you.
Here are 10 effective ways to get him back if you cheated on him.
Let’s jump right in:
1) Don’t deny it or lie about it
If he confronts you and says that he knows you cheated on him, don’t deny it. The truth is out, he found out somehow, and denying it is not going to change things.
In fact, if you lie about it, you could be making things worse for yourself.
Think about it:
You already betrayed his trust by cheating on him with another man. He already feels like he can never trust you again.
If you lie to him, you’ll only prove to him that you’re not trustworthy. This will only push him away even further and you’ll have a harder time if you want to get him back.
2) Take responsibility and apologize
You may have your reasons for cheating on your boyfriend.
There are plenty of reasons why you could have done it:
- Maybe you’ve been feeling lonely
- Maybe your boyfriend works a lot
- Maybe you haven’t been intimate with him in months
- Maybe you were drunk
- Maybe your boyfriend cheated first
- Maybe you had some unfinished business with an ex
The list goes on and on, but the bottom line is this: you cheated.
No matter what made you do it, you decided to go ahead with it so you must take responsibility for your actions.
Don’t get defensive, don’t tell him it was his fault, and don’t try to justify your behavior.
The important thing is to say that you’re sorry. He needs to know that you regret your actions.
You can follow it up by saying something like, “I’ll do whatever I can to make things right between us again.”
And another thing, make sure to tell him how much you love him and how you never meant to hurt him.
3) Give him some space
If he broke up with you because he found out that you cheated on him, chances are he’s going to want some space.
In my experience, being cheated on is a very painful thing to go through and you need time to think about what happened, process your emotions, and heal.
Now, you can’t do any of that while the person who cheated on you is constantly coming around, texting, or calling you. Being around them hurts so much that you can’t think straight.
That’s why you should give him space.
Don’t text him, don’t show up at his doorstep unannounced, and don’t follow him around like a puppy dog.
You need space too.
You need time to reflect on what happened – and why it may have happened – and you need time to make sure that you’re not going to repeat the same mistakes in the future.
4) Show him that you can’t live without him
If you’ve apologized and given him space then it’s time to get him back.
Show him how much he means to you.
Show him that you can’t live without him, that you need him!
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.
This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.
5) Regain his trust
This will take a lot of work on your part. It will also require time and patience.
It’s hard to say how you can regain your boyfriend’s trust but here are some ideas:
- Answer any questions he may have about the affair.
- Ask him what he needs from you to forgive you and move forward and then give it to him!
- Be honest from now on, no more lies.
- Keep your word: when you say you’re going to do something, do it.
Now, not all guys are going to be open to talking to their girlfriends about their infidelity. Some guys don’t want to know any of the details.
But if he wants to talk about it, then start by being honest with him.
You can be honest about exactly what happened from the moment you met this other guy until the day he found out.
Talk about it openly. Tell him everything.
The only way that he’s going to trust you again is if he knows what was going on in your head.
After you’ve told him everything, ask for his forgiveness. Let him know that it will never happen again and make sure you don’t do it again!
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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6) Look into couples therapy
Tell him that you’ll happily go to couples therapy with him.
Truth is, he needs to know that you’re ready to do whatever it takes to get him back.
You want him to trust you and to be partners again. You’ve made mistakes and you’re willing to put in the work to make things better.
Couples therapy is very effective at helping people reconnect with each other and rekindle the love that was once there.
When people break up because of cheating, it can be difficult to communicate afterward. A couples therapist is there to facilitate communication and help you share your thoughts and feelings in a safe, non-judgemental environment.
Trust me, as long as both of you are on board, couples therapy can work wonders!
7) Stay humble and be empathetic
You want him to see that you’re a different person now.
You want him to see that you took responsibility for your actions and that you’re committed to a future with him.
That’s why you need to stay humble and be empathetic. The last thing that your boyfriend needs to hear is that you’re angry, arrogant, or judgmental.
If he hears these things, it will make him question whether or not he should get back together with you.
8) Speak to a relationship coach
While the points in this article will help get your boyfriend back after you cheated on him, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like infidelity. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
9) Be patient
You can’t expect your boyfriend to give you a second chance if he’s not sure about you.
- He needs to see that you’ve changed and that you’re willing to work hard for the two of you.
- He needs to see that you’re committed to doing everything you can to get him back.
- He needs time to heal.
Don’t push him, be patient.
The last thing that you want is for him to resent you and decide to leave because of your past mistakes.
It’s not always easy but it just takes time and patience.
10) Remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place
If you’ve read this far, then that means that you’re committed to getting your boyfriend back.
I’m sure there are plenty of reasons that your boyfriend fell in love with you, and that despite everything, he still loves you.
So, if you want to get him back, you need to remind him why he fell in love with you.
Show him that despite what happened, you’re still the same person that he fell in love with.
Remind him of all the good times you shared.
He needs to know that you can create more happy memories and that your mistake doesn’t erase all the good times you had.
Even if the two of you broke up because of cheating, there is a chance that he’ll forgive you and want to give the relationship another try.
Why do people cheat?
People cheat for a number of reasons.
Let’s take a look at some of the most common reasons men cheat:
- Men cheat because they are looking for a more exciting sexlife.
- Men cheat because they want to prove something to themselves.
- Men might be trying to boost their self-esteem as they cheat and see these partners as temporary distractions or infatuations that could end quickly once the man gets back on his feet emotionally and/or financially.
- Men cheat in response to unrealistic expectations from a spouse.
- Men cheat when they think they can get away with it without the person they are cheating with finding out.
- Men cheat because their partners are not giving them enough attention and aren’t making them feel important. As a result, their attention might turn to someone else who does pay attention to them or treats them well.
- Men cheat because they want to feel needed, wanted, and special. This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct. When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to commit and stay faithful to his partner.And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your man.Here’s a link to the free video again.
- Men cheat because they are not being treated with respect by their partners and want to assert themselves as a man in their relationship.
- Men cheat when they are not feeling loved.
- Men cheat when they are bored or unhappy in the relationship and find that cheating makes them feel better.
This usually occurs when the relationship is stagnant or lacking excitement and a man may seek excitement elsewhere.
You’ll find that women cheat for a number of different reasons including:
- Women cheat to boost their self-esteem and feel good about themselves. Men seem to cheat more for sexual reasons whereas women tend to have emotional reasons for stepping out on their partners.
- When a woman is feeling unloved or rejected by her partner she may take a desperate act to gain his attention.
- Women get bored with their partners and find something exciting outside of their relationship. This might be the opposite sex, work, hobbies, or any other activity that makes them feel alive again.
- When a woman does not feel like she is being treated with respect – respect for herself and for the relationship in general – she may feel like cheating makes her feel better about herself and the relationship as a whole.
- Women cheat to feel loved and needed by someone else.
- Women cheat because they are feeling lonely.
- Women cheat to feel more powerful within the relationship.
- Women cheat when they are feeling desperate and are tired of their partner’s behavior and do not know what else to do to resolve their feelings and situation.
- Women cheat because they feel like their partner doesn’t see them for their true selves.
- Women cheat because they are looking for an emotional and/or physical connection with someone else that feels more real than what they have at home.
Cheating is a very complex issue. As you can see, not all people cheat for the same reasons.
For some, it is just a matter of lust or boredom on their part, while others have emotional motives for cheating.
Now, even though people have their own unique reasons for stepping out on their partners, it never makes cheating right.
If you are ever going to have a successful relationship, both you and your partner must be trustworthy so that you can both feel secure in your relationship and love one another with open hearts and minds.
Can people get back together and stay together after infidelity?
People can definitely get back together and stay together after an affair.
The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and with your partner about what went wrong in your relationship if you want to get back together after a cheating episode.
If you and your partner have decided that the relationship is worth saving, the next step is becoming aware of the relational habits that caused the breakdown in the first place.
But, I get it if you’re worried that your infidelity will stick to you – and that once you get back together with your boyfriend, you might not stay together.
So what can you do to resolve this?
Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in relationships.
You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you.
And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder