Daniela Duca Damian
Want the brutal truth? Your partner cheated on you, and that’s not even the worst part.
Surviving infidelity in a relationship or marriage is definitely possible. But, what no one tells you is that you’ll have to work hard for it.
It’s not like you can forgive and forget overnight. No!
Your brain is definitely not going to let this go easily, regardless of your actions or your partner’s actions. It’ll keep responding to certain infidelity triggers long after your partner brings up their intention to be faithful to you again.
So, what should you do to get past these triggers? Here are 10 key tips to try:
1) Identify your triggers and make a list
First, let’s get one thing out of the way:
What are infidelity triggers? They are the things that remind you of your partner’s infidelity.
These triggers are different from person to person as each of us is different and reacts differently to things.
For example, some people are triggered by the smell of their partner’s cologne that they used during their affair.
Others are triggered by the sight of an old text message on their partner’s cellphone.
There are many different triggers that one can have, so be sure to identify them all.
Note them down individually and try to figure out why you react to them.
This will help you understand the cause of your pain and let you plan a course of action on how to deal with them later on.
2) Accept that you’ll have to deal with these triggers
Look: your brain wants to protect you from harm, so it might give you a hard time dealing with your infidelity triggers.
Simply put, you might feel tempted to ignore them if you don’t understand their importance.
In fact, many couples overlook the effect that infidelity triggers have on them and avoid dealing with them. However, that’s definitely not a good thing to do because they end up getting triggered all the time.
So, it’s best to accept that your brain will give you a hard time initially and take it slowly.
However, don’t think for a second that this natural reaction is a sign of weakness!
In fact, did you know that there is such a thing as post-infidelity stress disorder?
So, don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about your initial reactions. They are normal and many people have gone through a similar situation as yours.
Be sure to deal with these triggers on time, so that they don’t impact you psychologically.
3) Use positive coping mechanisms to get past them
Next, here’s the hard (but effective!) part: you’ll have to deal with these triggers at some point.
Don’t let them keep you from living your life in peace or following your routines.
Yes, it’s true that many obsessive or intrusive thoughts may keep popping up in your mind at unexpected times and make you feel confused about what to do next.
But, if you choose to meditate and focus on doing breathing exercises, you’ll be able to look at things from a better angle.
Meditation is especially helpful for individuals who want to deal with their infidelity triggers.
However, if your mind keeps racing and you can’t stop thinking about what you’ve been through, it’s best to let it go and take a walk outside.
This will help you clear your mind. It’ll also make room for more positive thoughts that can replace the trauma and fear of being cheated on by your partner.
Moreover, you don’t have to get angry, or sad at every trigger. Instead, try to see the positive side of things and remind yourself of how far you’ve come in dealing with your partner’s infidelity.
4) Get advice specific to your situation
While the tips in this article will help you deal with your infidelity triggers, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like being cheated on. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach who can tell you which method works best for you specifically and how to apply it in the most effective way.
5) Write down your feelings in a journal
For some people, writing down their feelings is the best way to cope with their infidelity triggers.
How can this help you?
First of all, it will help you identify your triggers.
Second, by writing out your feelings, thoughts, and past experiences in a journal, you will be able to understand yourself better.
Writing down your feelings in a journal can help you deal with them in a more rational manner.
In fact, it’s one of the most important things that you can do to get past the initial phase of infidelity.
You’ll be able to identify your triggers and understand how they affect you if you write them down.
It will also help you analyze your relationship and decide if you think it’s really worth saving.
6) Remove any object that reminds you of your partner’s infidelity
Let me tell you something surprising: some people decided to move into another apartment or house because they wanted a fresh start. They didn’t want to keep reminders of their old life together.
Sounds extreme? Well, even if it is indeed a radical solution, it’s very effective!
It’s one way to get past certain infidelity triggers if you can’t deal with them in a healthy manner. However, not everyone can afford this luxury.
That’s why you’ll have to separate yourself from any object that reminds you of your partner’s infidelity.
If you can also move, that’s great! But if your living arrangements aren’t part of your triggers, then just focus on other smaller reminders.
7) Talk to your partner about your triggers
One of the best ways to move past your infidelity triggers is to talk about them with your partner.
This might sound a little weird at first, but I assure you that it’s the best way to deal with your triggers.
Want to know why? Well, by doing so, you’ll promote intimacy and improve your communication.
This will not only help you understand yourself and your partner better but also give you a one-on-one discussion about your situation.
In addition, it will allow your partner to see that you are ready to start another chapter in your relationship or marriage. This might encourage them to deal with their triggers too.
8) Focus on taking care of yourself
Listen, I know these triggers are involuntary. It’s not like you want them to pop up in your head and make you feel all sorts of unpleasant emotions, including despair and anxiety.
However, if you try to focus on taking care of yourself, you’ll notice that your thoughts start moving away from infidelity and back to bigger things in life.
How so?
Well, by eating the right foods and staying physically fit, you’ll feel less stressed.
Having a healthy body and mind is key to getting past any emotional setbacks.
Stress will only make you feel more emotional and unstable, which means that you won’t be able to deal with your triggers in a healthy manner.
So, try to focus on your mental health and physical well-being.
In addition, working on the relationship you have with yourself wouldn’t hurt either.
If you’re dealing with many infidelity triggers, have you considered getting to the root of the issue?
You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves – how can you fix the external without seeing to the internal first?
I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy.
So, if you want to improve the relationships you have with your partner and get past betrayal, start with yourself.
Check out the free video here.
You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video, solutions that’ll stay with you for life.
9) Don’t use them to manipulate your partner
Do you still want to get past all of your infidelity triggers? If you do, then don’t try to use them to manipulate your partner.
Even if he or she betrayed you, it’s still not fair or healthy to use your partner’s faults to get back at them.
In fact, doing so will only show that you are a negative person who can’t let go of the past and move forward. Not to mention that it will damage your relationship even more!
10) Think about your future
Finally, here’s another important part of this article: you need to think about your future.
How can you get past infidelity triggers when you’re still stuck in the past?
I’m not saying you should forget what happened ever, but you must use it as an opportunity to grow and move forward with your life.
You have to move on from your past and find a better way of dealing with things.
This should help you realize that you can make it through this crisis. By doing so, you’ll be able to let go of the past and focus on your future.
Even so, I know this can be very hard to do.
Don’t beat yourself up if you still can’t get past the triggers that remind you of your partner’s infidelity, at least not yet.
There’s no set amount of time that you must wait before you start to feel better.
You just need to trust the process and know that sooner or later, you’ll be able to move on from your partner’s infidelity.
How long do infidelity triggers last?
Infidelity triggers can last anywhere from a few months to several years. This largely depends on how you’re dealing with them.
If you want to get past your triggers, then you’ll have to work hard and step outside of your comfort zone.
You’ll have to push yourself out of your shell and move past this phase in a healthy manner.
This means that you won’t be able to accomplish anything in just a few days or weeks, but you’ll certainly see improvement over time.
So, how long do they last? Well, it all depends on you!
If you don’t know how to deal with your triggers, then they’ll last longer than needed, and you won’t be able to move past them.
On the other hand, if you are able to find the right ways of dealing with your triggers, then it will only take a matter of weeks or months before they’re gone.
How to stay positive after infidelity
Dealing with infidelity triggers is one thing, but staying positive after it? Yes, that’s definitely something that you have to do too.
If you can’t find ways to deal with your triggers in a healthy manner, then you might be stuck in a negative cycle for years to come.
While dealing with your feelings and moving past infidelity will take time, being positive is much easier.
That’s why you have to keep your positive mindset as long as possible. You can do this by reading inspirational stories and keeping yourself busy doing something great for yourself.
To be more precise, this means keeping your mind off negative things and focusing on the good things in life.
Getting past infidelity triggers – You can do it!
Getting past infidelity triggers can be a challenging journey.
However, if you give yourself the time and space to deal with them properly, then you will come out of the situation stronger than ever before!
It might take some time, but it’s a journey worth taking.
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