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How to get over a crush: 23 no bullsh*t tips

taking a break in a relationship

Being in love is a beautiful thing, but it can also be heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and difficult.

If you’ve been crushing on someone and have just been rejected, you are likely feeling the sting of being unwanted and feeling like you are less than worthy of love.

It’s important that you remember you are going to have a lot of thoughts about yourself following this kind of rejection, but none of them are true.

It’s easy to beat yourself up for thinking you thought this was going to go somewhere, but now is not the time to cut yourself down.

After rejection, now is the time to build yourself up.

To help you get over your crush, we’ve put together a list of things you can do. It won’t happen overnight, but you will feel better and you’ll be able to move.

1) Talk to a friend who really knows you.

You might want to dig into a detailed conversation with your crush about why they don’t want to be with you, but save yourself the further heartache and talk to a friend who really understands you and can help you move through the thoughts that are making you spin.

It might seem like a good idea to ask why you aren’t good enough for your crush, but that information will just make you tailspin some more.

Talk to a friend who can remind you at every step of the way that you are amazing and deserve to be happy.

You’ll likely see this kind of rejection as a sign from the universe that you aren’t supposed to be with anyone or that you don’t deserve to be happy, but this is just one person out of billions. Billions!

There’s someone out there for you to love. Just give yourself some space to come back from this.

2) Write a letter to this person.

If you are struggling to find the words to describe how you are feeling, even when talking to a good friend, grab a pen and paper and write a letter to your crush. BUT DON’T SEND IT!

This is just an exercise you can do to get your thoughts out of your head and into the world. It’s not meant to be a rant or a dig at your crush.

It’s supposed to help you process your thoughts and feelings so you can start getting on with your life.

According to research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes 11 weeks to recover after a relationship ends.

However, another study found it takes about 18 months to heal after the end of a marriage.

The important thing to remember is that you must choose to let go.

A lot of times, rejection comes with a quick cut-off point and you are likely left feeling a lot of feelings and thinking a lot of thoughts that never got said or acknowledged.

Writing them down can help you get some closure on this situation and start to see a way forward. Whatever you do, don’t send it.

It’s not their fault you feel this way. They were being honest, regardless of however they hurt you. Burn the letter or tear it up. Do it for you, not them.

In fact, psychologists encourage it.

Psychologist Dr. Michael Zentman explains:

“Personal journaling can be helpful for some people. I say personal because going public with these feelings on social media can often inflame the situation. It may feel good to have a bunch of people publicly attack an ex, but, in the long run, this will not contribute to healing.”

3) Stop following their social media accounts.

If you have any hope of moving on from your rejection, you need to stop following this person on social media.

Social media makes us all want to go play in traffic even on a good day: everyone’s lives are so freaking perfect, aren’t they?

So you can bet that your crush is going to have lots of wonderful things to share that are going to push you over the edge.

If you’ve been rejected in favour of someone else, you can bet that they are going to be on your crush’s social media profile too, so just steer clear.

Do yourself this kindness and unfollow them as soon as possible.

They might have said they want to remain friends, but you don’t need that kind of friendship in your life.

You can be friends offline. No need for daily reminders of how they rejected you.

Bestselling author Joseph Cardillo says:

“Close the door on invading memories of times and places that remind you of the breakup. These will consume your good energy which you need for daily activities and to keep you happy and healthy. A negative spiral here can cause a lot of problems fast.

“Instead this is the time to make shifting your mindset into a place where you feel at ease and comfortable a priority.”

4) Prepare for seeing them if you must.

If you know you are going to run into them at an event or someone’s house, you need to prepare for that.

You might opt not to go at all, which wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world, but if you are going to go and subject yourself to those kinds of situations, you need to have a game plan.

Make sure your host understands what is going on and that you might have to leave suddenly if you aren’t able to process what is happening.

Better yet, don’t set yourself up for failure and make a plan to stick around by doing fun things. You can always bolt if you need to and apologize later.

5) Give yourself a gift.

If you want to pick yourself up, do something nice for yourself. Give yourself the gift of time with yourself. Your crush might not realize how much you have to offer, but you certainly do.

Remind yourself how great you are and what a great company you are and take yourself on a trip, buy yourself something to make yourself feel better, or just spend time with people who really love you.

Giving yourself the gift of you will make you realize just how awesome you really are and remind you that you are a great catch.

6) Make some new friends.

If you are feeling stuck and feeling unsupported, think about a fresh start. Go out and make some new friends and get reacquainted with old friends.

There’s no need to explain your current situation. Just surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.

7) Do something awesome for yourself right out of the gate.

First things first. Get out there and do something nice for yourself. Don’t hide away from the world. Buy yourself something nice, take yourself on a nice trip, or spend time with people who really make you feel good about yourself.

8) Don’t try to feel happy.

Then, remember that you do not have to be happy about this rejection. It’s okay to feel your emotions and feel bad about what happened.

According to research, avoiding your emotions causes more pain in the long-term than facing them.

If you expect yourself to feel happy even after the breakup has ended, not only are you living a lie, but those negative emotions that you aren’t processing will fester in the background.

Research suggests that emotional stress, like that from blocked emotions, has been linked to mental illness and physical problems like headaches, insomnia, heart disease, and autoimmune disorders.

Give yourself some time to heal and then decide to move on with your life.

9) Talk to someone who cares about you for real.

Surround yourself with people who love you the way you are and don’t wallow in what used to be. If you don’t have anyone like that in your life, find an online support group – they exist for everything.

10) Set some boundaries.

When you are talking to friends and family about your situation, set some rules about how much you’ll talk about and what you are willing to share.

You don’t need to give away every detail of your breakup.

11) Remember why you are an amazing person.

Make a list of all the things you bring to the table and remind yourself that you are your own person who doesn’t need the validation of another human to be able to live a good life.

Vilhauer adds:

“Self-forgiveness is an important part of self-love. In hindsight, you may feel that there are things you could have done differently, but it is impossible to know what different outcomes could have been.”

12) Dig into something you like.

Find the things you love in this world and do more of them. If money is an issue, find cheaper alternatives to the things you like.

Can’t afford to travel? Take a road trip to the next city over and spend some time doing new things.

13) Cut off social media.

Keep your distance from your ex-partner’s social media accounts. That’s just asking for disappointment and further rejection. Unfollow them and stick to it.

14) Don’t go looking for trouble.

There’s no need to place yourself anywhere near your ex for a very long time, if ever. Don’t show up at a party where you know they’ll be.

1Sure, there’s a lot to be said for independence and free will, but you are just asking for heartache if you blow into a party where you know they’ll be.

15) Know that you are not alone.

It might feel like the world is crashing down on you, but know that you are not the first person to go through a break-up and you won’t be the last.

This means that there are plenty of people who have survived rejection and you will too.

16) Write down your thoughts.

If you feel stuck, grab your journal and write down your thoughts. Sometimes it’s easier to make sense of things when you can see them in real life.

Writing them down makes them real and makes it easier for you to see what thoughts are holding you back.

17) Know that you are better than this.

You don’t have to stoop to your ex-partner’s level. There’s no need for bad-mouthing them in front of other people and you can rise to the occasion in your own way.

18) Pick up something new.

Get a hobby, any hobby, do anything to keep your mind off how you are feeling and welcome distractions into your life during this difficult time.

19) Don’t rush into something else.

There’s no need to go out and find love again right away. If you are rejected, you are feeling hurt and you don’t need to bring that baggage into another potentially harmful relationship.

Plus, even if it ends up being the best relationship you’ve ever had, it will be on the cusp of hurt and that isn’t a good way to start any future.

20) Decide what the lesson is in this rejection.

You’ll come to a point where you need to accept what has happened and make meaning of it so you can move on.

If you are struggling to find the purpose in all of this, just know that it was meant to happen because it did.

21) Start slow.

When you feel ready to get back into the dating scene, take it slow. There’s no rule book that says you need to get back in the saddle right away or ever. Decide what is right for you as you go along.

22) Officially close that chapter of your life.

Find a way to get closure in your life when you are ready to let go. Do something that symbolizes the end. Burn a picture. Throw out their clothes.

Literally close a book that you were writing about your relationship in all along. Mark the occasion.

23) Get professional help.

If you’ve tried all of these things and you still feel lost, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional who can help you find your way through this difficult time.

Don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s silly that you are so upset.

Relationships are hard and make life worth living so if you have been hurt by someone who has left you feeling less than whole, it’s okay to want to feel better. Getting professional help is a sign that you want to be better, not that you are weak.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the editor of Ideapod and founder of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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