The friend zone is a tricky place to be.
You may be completely smitten with this person and yet they won’t see you as anything more than just a friend.
Getting out of the friend zone means finding ways to let them know how you feel about them and letting them see you as more than just a friend.
Here are 19 steps on how to get out of the friend zone with that special someone:
1) Be a good friend
First and foremost, you have to be a good friend.
You have to show them that you’re a good person, that they can trust you, and that you’re somebody that could be more than just a friend.
While you want to let them know that you’re interested in being more than friends, you also don’t want to come on too strong.
One way to do that is to find out more about them and what they’re interested in. Let them know that you’re interested in what they have to say and ask them questions. Find out what their passions are and what their dreams are.
Find out what they’re looking for in a partner and a relationship and let them know that those are the things that you’re also looking for.
Once you’ve become a good friend, then it’s time to get out of the friend zone…
2) Show them that you care
If the person that you like is going through a hard time, be there for them. Let them know that you care about them and that you’re there for them.
Let them know that you’re not just somebody that’s there for the fun stuff, but that you’re there to listen to their problems and help find solutions.
If you want to get out of the friend zone, let them know that you’re there for them and that they can always count on your support.
3) Show you’re not just interested in being friends
Find ways to show them that you’re not just interested in being friends.
If you like the same music that they like or enjoy the same movies, then let them know.
Let them know that you would like to go and do things with them.
If you both like to read, then ask them if they would like to read books together. If they’re into sports, then invite them to come and watch games with you. If they have a hobby that they enjoy, then let them know that you would like to learn how to do it too.
All in all, you need to find things in common and let them know that you would like to share those things with them.
4) Ask to spend time together alone
If you want to get out of the friend zone, then you have to ask to spend time with the person that you like alone.
Let them know that you want to go for a drink or dinner, just the two of you. Or, ask them to come and see a movie with you.
You need to spend some alone time with them because it will give you a chance to get close to them without the distraction of other people. This will give them a chance to see you in a different light, as someone who could be more than just a friend.
5) Hold hands and cuddle
Here’s the thing:
If you want to get out of the friend zone, then you have to try things with the person that you like that you would normally do with a girlfriend or boyfriend.
One way to do that is to hold their hand while you’re watching a movie together. Once you’ve done that and they haven’t pulled their hand away, you can cuddle up beside them.
Another thing you can try is to caress their hand while you’re talking to them.
This is a subtle way of letting them know that you want to take things further than just being friends and that you’re interested in them. If you don’t want to come on too strong, this is a great way to let them know that you want more than just a friendship with them.
Show them that you want to be closer to them and that you’re interested in taking things further than just being friends. See how they react.
6) Improve your dating skills
Have you considered talking to an expert to find out more about dating and relationships and improve your dating skills?
That way, you’ll know what you’re doing instead of just stumbling around in the dark and hoping that you don’t step on any landmines.
While the steps in this article will help you get out of the friend zone, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like how to get a friend to see you in a romantic light. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
7) Be confident
Be confident in yourself and in what you want out of life and what you want out of a relationship.
Don’t be afraid to let them know that you like them and that you want to be more than just friends with them.
Don’t let your fear of not being liked back keep you from being the person that you’d like to be.
You’re a great person with a lot to offer. They would be lucky to have you as a partner.
8) Don’t judge or critique them
Everyone makes mistakes and has bad days
You don’t know what they might have been going through or what kind of day they might have had before you met up with them.
If you want them to see you as someone they could be involved with romantically, then you should be understanding.
Think about it:
How would you feel if they were judgemental and critical toward you?
Don’t judge them and critique them because you risk pushing them away. Not only will they not want to date you, but they may end up questioning their friendship with you.
9) Compliment them
Compliments should be genuine, not something that you just say because you want something from them.
Be careful: If you just say it because you want to get in their pants, it’s going to come across and make you look insincere. If you say it because you mean it, then they’re going to know that you mean it.
Don’t overdo it, but one or two genuine compliments that come from the heart can help you get out of the friend zone. They’ll also help you make them feel good about themselves and make them feel more comfortable around you.
10) Speak from the heart
If you’re not sure what to say or how to say it, then write it down and let the words flow from your heart.
You can do it on a piece of paper or in a journal. You can do it on Facebook or in an email.
Basically, any way that will let you get the words out and make them reach the other person is good.
You might feel a little awkward at first, but you’ll get used to it. You’ll get used to letting them know how you feel and letting them know why you feel the way that you do.
11) Show them that you can be trusted
How can you do that?
Start by keeping your promises. You can do this by being honest with them and being reliable.
If you want to get out of the friend zone, then you have to show them that you can be trusted.
The thing is that when they learn to trust you, they’ll be more inclined to see you as a potential partner – someone they can build their lives with.
12) Have a heart-to-heart
At some point, you’ll want to make sure that you’re truly honest with the other person about your feelings.
If you’re wondering how to get out of the friend zone, the best thing that you can do is to sit down with them and tell them why you like them. Be as honest as you can and don’t hold back.
Don’t try to sugarcoat the message or couch it in flowery language. Instead, try to be as straightforward and direct as you can.
Be honest with them and let them know how you feel. If this person truly is someone that you want to get out of the friend zone and be with, they’ll appreciate your honesty and directness.
Sometimes the only way to get out of the friend zone and into something more is to put yourself out there and hope that they like you back.
13) Be patient and take your time; don’t rush it
Getting out of the friend zone can be a long process.
Now, you don’t want to pressure the other person into liking you when they don’t yet even see you in that way. This is especially true if they have been through something traumatic (like a breakup) recently.
If they aren’t ready to date again yet, even if it’s with you, you need to be patient and give them all the time they need.
You see, if you try to rush things along and speed up the process, you risk pushing them away and getting kicked back into the friend zone even further.
14) Slowly start becoming more physical
The truth is that if you want to get out of the friend zone, you might want to start becoming more physical with the other person.
If you’re typically only ever touching them while you’re laughing or joking around, try to start initiating more physical contact.
This could mean touching them on the arm while you’re talking to them, putting an arm around their shoulder when you two are out together, or even just sitting as close to them as you can without disrupting their personal space.
Remember to be respectful. If they seem uncomfortable with your behavior, pull back. You don’t want to come on too strong.
15) Don’t stalk the person you like
This is super important!
It’s one thing to become more physical with the person you like and it’s another thing to stalk them. If you start becoming too frequent or if you start showing up at their place uninvited, you’ll likely put the other person on edge and creep them out.
I mean, it’s okay to let the other person know you like them, but keep it at a reasonable level.
If they ask you to back off or to stop doing something, respect their wishes.
Trust me, nobody wants to date their stalker!
16) Show them that you have a lot to offer
If you’re wondering how to get out of the friend zone, you might want to show the other person that you have a lot to offer.
This could mean that you volunteer in their community or that you’re pursuing a degree or career that you love.
Show them that you are a great person who could be a great partner.
The bottom line is that if you show the other person that you have a lot to offer they may be more inclined to let you into their hearts as well.
17) Confide in them
Here’s another thing:
You might want to start confiding in your friend more if you want to get out of the friend zone.
This could include sharing your hopes and dreams with them, letting them know what’s going on with your life, or letting them know what you’re struggling with.
If you have a problem at work or with one of your friends, let them know.
Let them know if you’re feeling stressed out or if you’re having trouble with a project or exam at school.
You see, if you let them know what’s going on in your life, they’ll start to feel more like a confidant than just a friend. Confiding in them will take your relationship one step further.
18) Help them out and be there when they need you
If you’re wondering how to get out of the friend zone, you might want to start helping this person out more where you can.
- If they mention that they have a project due, offer to help them with it if you can.
- If they mention that they have an exam coming up, offer to study with them.
- If they have any problems or issues that they have to deal with, be there for them.
By helping them out and being there for them when they need it, they’ll start to see you as more than just a friend.
19) Know when to move on
Finally, if you’ve tried all of these things and the other person still doesn’t seem interested in dating you, it might be time to consider letting go.
Maybe they’ll change their mind one day, maybe they won’t. If you value your friendship, then you should stop pursuing them romantically and accept being just friends. If that’s too hard to do, maybe you should take some time apart from them.
Signs you are in the friend zone
We’ve just gone through 19 steps to get out of the friend zone. But what if you’re not sure you’re in the zone? How can you know?
Let’s take a look at some of the signs that you’re in the friend zone.
1) Be aware of red flags
Sometimes, we can’t see the signs that someone isn’t interested in us because we’re too wrapped up in our feelings for them.
My advice is to take a step back when you’re with them, and take note of red flags that might show that they don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with you.
If they never touch you, even casually, as a sign of friendship, that is a surefire sign that they’re not interested in you romantically.
If they’re not interested in exploring your relationship beyond friendship, they definitely won’t want to do anything beyond the casual level.
If they never make eye contact with you, that’s another sign that they’re not interested in a romantic relationship.
2) They only want to hang out as friends
If they never want to get romantic with you, but they always want you to keep things as friends, they’re probably not interested in you in a romantic way.
It can be hard to tell when someone is only interested in you as a friend, but there are a few signs you can look for. If they never invite you over to their house, and always want to go to public places, that’s a pretty clear sign that they don’t want to get romantic.
If they never want to go out on a date with you, and only hang out with you and your other friends, that’s also a pretty clear sign that they’re only interested in you as a friend.
3) You always feel like you’re having to chase them
You always feel like you have to chase them and be the one to initiate hanging out or meeting up.
If they’re only interested in friendship, they’ll likely let you take the lead in the relationship.
They’re probably too busy living their lives that they don’t give you much thought – another sign that they don’t want to date you.
4) You get invited to a group hangout, not one on one dates
Let’s face it, if you invite someone out who you think has feelings for you, but they invite you to hang out with their friends, you are probably in the friend zone.
This is a common occurrence in the friend zone. While you might think that it’s a good sign that they want you to meet their friends, it’s more likely that they are just trying to be nice.
If you suspect that this is happening, then next time they invite you to a group hangout, invite them out on a one-on-one date instead. If they decline, then you know for sure that they are not interested in you any other way.
5) They don’t touch you when they speak to you
When you see someone you’re attracted to, you want to get as close to them as possible. You’ll want to touch them, to hug them, to put your arm around them.
If someone you like doesn’t touch you when they speak to you, it’s not because they don’t like you back; it’s because they have no romantic feelings for you at all.
While it’s true that some cultures have rules against physical contact, you’ll find that they will at least touch you on the arm while they speak. If they don’t, they very well could be in the friend zone.
6) You constantly hear about other potential partners
Now, if they’re constantly telling you about people they think you would like, that’s because they don’t see you as a potential partner.
Basically, if your crush is constantly trying to set you up with someone, you’re in the friend zone.
7) You constantly have to play wingman for them
If the person you like is always asking you to help them get their crushes to like them, they are probably just using you as a wingman.
This can be a sign that they don’t see themselves as dating you, but they enjoy your company as a friend.
If they are always asking you to introduce them to other people, or to ask people out on dates for them, they don’t see you as a potential partner.
8) You feel like nothing more than a friend
If you feel like you are nothing more than a friend to someone, you probably are. You can’t control how someone else feels, but you can control how you feel in the situation.
If you feel like you are just a friend to the person you like, don’t let it get you down. Remember that you are a great person and have a lot to offer someone. What’s more, you now have a step-by-step guide to get out of the friend zone!
Getting out of the friend zone can be difficult and often requires a little bit of patience.
It can take time for the other person to realize that they have feelings for you, but if you keep doing all of these things, then it’s only a matter of time before they realize that they want to be more than just friends with you.
Don’t give up too easily and remember that patience is a virtue!
And to all the ladies reading this – don’t forget to trigger his hero instinct!
It’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.
So if you’re ready to take your relationship to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.