How to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you

There is nothing more frustrating than falling for a man who is emotionally unavailable, is there?

If that’s you right now, don’t worry, I’ve been in your shoes and I know the struggle. And not just that, I also have a solution for you!

Here are 7 ways to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you!

7 ways to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you:

1) Have patience

I know, we all hate to hear it, but patience really is key more often than not, especially when it comes to emotionally unavailable men.

When a man is terrified of showing you emotion or committing to you, the process of getting into a relationship can be a pain in the butt.

Getting him to change will probably not be an easy task.

There is a good chance that the source of his issues stems all the way from childhood, so reprogramming all those years of behaving a certain way will be hard, and especially, time-consuming.

You will probably need to show a lot of patience with him in order to help him out.

Just because you’re sticking around doesn’t automatically guarantee that he will change, though.

It’s important to note that unless it is his own conscious decision that he wants to change, you can’t force anything on him.

Ask yourself if he is likely to change, and if you would be better off moving on instead!

The time being patient can be totally worth it, don’t get me wrong, but with the wrong guy, you could be left waiting and wasting your time for nothing.

2) Show him that he can trust you

One of the biggest issues with emotionally unavailable men is oftentimes deeply rooted trust issues.

No matter what kind of guy he is, knowing that he can put his trust in you will never backfire.

This is also the foundation of any relationship, so emotionally unavailable or not, this should be the norm anyways!

A safe space with you is necessary if he ever wants to change and grow.

What this also entails is not immediately jumping the gun on a relationship! Focus on building up trust with him first and foremost.

Trying to force him into a relationship right off the bat might scare him away and ruin your chances of ever being together.

The trust issues emotionally unavailable men have are often rooted in doubts about themselves and others’ intentions.

If you show him you like him, even as a friend, over time he will understand that you don’t have ulterior motives and simply just like who he is as a person.

Show him that he can count on you and that you support him when he needs it.

Knowing you’re always around will also build that emotional bond. He will not like the thought of not having you in his life anymore.

Once that trust is established, a relationship can be built much more easily.

3) Don’t pressure him

pexels leah kelley 239326 1 How to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you

The worst thing you could do when trying to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you is pressuring him.

I know you’re dying to finally make things official, put a label on the relationship, or have some clarity, but putting pressure on him will do the opposite of what you want, trust me!

If he truly is emotionally unavailable, the mention of commitment might send him running for the hills.

This doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t like you, by the way. It could simply be that the mere idea of relationships freaks him out.

Emotional unavailability can feel irrational for someone who doesn’t understand it, but imagine you have a phobia of spiders.

You decide you want to get over this phobia. What do you think will help more:

Slowly exposing yourself to spiders with someone you can trust, beginning by looking at photos, then looking at them through a glass screen


Getting a bunch of spiders thrown at you before you’re ready?

Obviously not the latter, that would only traumatize you more and make you want to run away, right?

It’s the same here. If you immediately force him into having to commit, he will probably retract.

4) Want advice specific to your situation?

While the points in this article will help you deal with an emotionally unavailable man, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like making an emotionally unavailable man chase you. They’re popular because their advice works.

So, why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.

In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to get started.

5) Don’t talk about the future

Being with someone you like makes you want to plan your life together, I know that.

But if you want an emotionally unavailable man to chase you, you will have to learn how to live in the present.

Try to not put too much importance on your relationship a year, a month, or even a week from now, because that will drive him away.

If you constantly mention the plans you have for the future, he might get triggered and scared.

The mere fact you know he’s emotionally unavailable probably means he told you he isn’t ready for a serious commitment at the moment.

You have the choice, you can walk away anytime, but if you choose to stay, you are agreeing to his terms.

If that means disregarding your future, for now, you will have to make a decision – do you want to live like that and wait for him to be ready, or are you gonna move on because you need commitment?

Neither of these is the right or wrong answer, by the way. They are both right if it feels good for you.

Listen to your heart and see what you need right now.

6) Show him you can live without him

I know, when you have feelings for someone you’d love to spend every second with them, letting them know how much you love them and get reassurance in return.

An important thing to note here is that men (and I mean all men, not just emotionally unavailable ones) are attracted to independent women.

And by that, I don’t mean financially independent, or knowing how to use a toolbox, I mean a woman who knows she doesn’t need a man to complete her.

This will be insanely attractive to an emotionally unavailable man, as he will notice that you aren’t chasing him, you are living your best life, with or without him.

So of course, he’s gonna want to be a part of that!

Just because you have strong feelings for someone doesn’t mean you have to go chase them and beg for their love or attention.

If you don’t allow a man to treat you badly you show him that you know what you deserve.

Men are hunters

Yes, I know it sounds like a cliché, but men really are born hunters.

Chasing prey is in their blood, which is why they enjoy having a bit of a challenge with women, as well.

This doesn’t mean you should go and play games with him, but simply don’t show him that he is your world, but that you live your own life, and if he wants to be a part of that, he will have to work for it.

You are complete all by yourself 

This should not be a practice you merely do for him to chase you, by the way. This is something you can implement into your life at any point and with any motive because it will ultimately help you out.

If you haven’t internalized it yet, I want you to work on that because it is the truth:

You don’t need anyone to complete you, because you are already whole!

A healthy relationship is based on the foundation that you want to be with each other, you don’t need to be with each other.

Don’t find someone who completes you, find someone who complements you in the best ways.

Learn to be happy by yourself 

The most important lesson to learn in terms of relationship advice is that nobody is going to make you happy.

A new relationship, a fling, a crush, all those things will bring temporary bursts of happiness hormones, but unless you find that happiness within, they will not last.

How do you create lasting happiness? By finding your happiness within.

You can do this in a number of ways:

  • Practice gratitude 

jumpstory download20211120 160719 1 How to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you

Gratitude is probably the number one thing you can do to be happier.

Notice the many things in your life that are worthy of appreciation. Cultivating this sense of gratitude will get easier every time you practice it.

A good way to go about this is by using a gratitude journal. Every day, write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for.

This could be your family, the tea in your hand, the new season of You, whatever it is that brings you joy!

  • Build up your self-esteem 

Self-esteem is a big thing when looking for happiness. Internal problems are often the root of our unhappiness.

Think of how you view yourself and what you think about yourself.

Treat yourself like you would a good friend.

A good way to build self-esteem is by taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Eat nourishing foods that make you feel energized, move your body, rest when you need it, get enough fresh air and sunshine.

Work on mental issues in therapy or by journaling, try meditating, talk to people you trust.

Nurture your connection to whatever it is you believe in, or, if you believe in nothing, to yourself.

  • Practice mindfulness 

Being present and mindful is a great way to become happier. Look into mindfulness practices to help you with that.

There are meditations you can do, or you can simply do a quick senses check-in whenever you remember.

To do that, go through all the things you are sensing at this moment: What do you hear, see, smell, feel, taste?

This can turn any mundane activity into a sensory experience.

7) Open up to him

Last but not least, lead by example.

One of the biggest issues emotionally unavailable men have is opening up to people, so show him he can trust you by taking the first step!

Men like that are often scared of opening up to women because they don’t want to get hurt or used.

When you are vulnerable with him, you are showing him that he is safe with you.

By showing him your vulnerabilities, you are proving that you won’t use his weaknesses against him, either.

To do that, be open about your emotions. Tell him little things to build up the trust.

Not only will he realize that he can now safely share his own secrets with you, but he will also get to know you better in the process!

But let me ask you something important.

When you’re dealing with an emotionally unavailable man, have you considered getting to the root of the issue?

You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves – how can you fix the external without seeing to the internal first? 

I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy

So, if you want to improve the relationships you have with others and get emotionally unavailable man chase you, start with yourself.

Check out the free video here.

You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video, solutions that’ll stay with you for life.

Is he worth the effort?

Before you go and follow all those steps, I want you to do a little check-in with yourself.

I know that this question sounds cruel, but is he worth the effort?

These tips might work on someone willing to work on themselves, but I want to stay real here and tell you that some guys just can’t be changed.

If he doesn’t show any initiative to push his own boundaries and work on himself for you and him, then you might just be wasting your time.

Especially when you don’t know him very well it can be tricky to see the difference, but if you’ve been trying for a while and nothing changes, it’s also important to know when to let go.

On that note, I have one final question that I think is crucial for anyone clicking on this article:

Why do you want to be with someone who needs convincing to be with you?

Now, of course, he might be an amazing guy, and to be honest, there are some men out there that are definitely worth the effort!

I do want you to think about why you are stuck on someone who needs to be convinced to be with you, however.

I see a lot of women in this dynamic, the only guys they seem to attract are the ones that they need to trick into being with them.

I hate to break it to you, but:

The right guy will not need to be tricked or convinced into being with you.

And if you are always hung up on people who don’t seem to be willing to be with you, ask yourself why.

Is there a deeply-rooted belief in yourself that you aren’t worth being chased? That nobody will love you without tricks or you putting in tons of effort?

If that’s the case, I want you to know that there is someone out there who will love you for who you are, without you having to change anything about yourself or your behavior.

By putting up with men who do the opposite, you’re not making room for this person to come into your life, however.

You deserve the world, but you need to believe in yourself and stop letting men treat you as if you don’t.

If you want a committed relationship and a man can’t give that to you (or make a conscious effort to work on it) I don’t care how great he is, he’s not the one for you.

So do yourself a favor and end it immediately if he can’t give you what you are looking for, so that the person who will treat you like the queen you are can come into your life.

Picture of Anna Scheucher

Anna Scheucher

Freelance writer specializing in holistic health, wellness, and psychology. Check out my blog to find out more!

Enhance your experience of Ideapod and join Tribe, our community of free thinkers and seekers.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

Ideapod news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.