Meeting my twin flame was something I recognized was happening right from the start.
Our connection was cosmic and intense. Everything felt like an out-of-body experience from our conversations to our mind-blowing sex. I really felt I had met my “other half”. And he felt it too.
Or so, I thought, because almost as intensely as the flame was ignited, it was put out.
What happens when you and your twin flame grow apart? How do you cope with their sudden absence? How do you move on?
In this article, I’m going to share my personal experience of meeting my twin flame, describe what a twin flame is, and detail how I endured the painful but necessary process of separating from him.
You will learn the 5 ways I was able to stop thinking about my twin flame and finally move on.
(Spoiler Alert: I am so much happier now!)
What is a twin flame?
A twin flame relationship, or mirrored soul relationship, is an intense, chaotic, and instant bond with another person on a profoundly deep and existential level.
Not everyone is lucky enough to experience this in their lifetime.
A twin flame is based on the idea that at the origin of energetic inception, our souls are split into two halves. When, and if, you are fortunate enough to be reconnected with your twin flame, this relationship is meant to serve the purpose of pushing you towards self-actualization and growth.
This is why people, myself included, often call the experience of meeting your twin flame, “home”. Because you kind of feel like you’re meeting yourself and the experience is strangely familiar.
You are both on a quest to discover your better selves by being pulled into and exposed to your open wounds. The twin flame bond is connected to you through shared pain.
To better understand this concept, Ideapod founder Justin Brown shares a fascinating video of how he went about finding his twin flame. Watch it below.
“Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature. Each of us, then, is a ‘matching half’ of a human whole…and each of us is always seeking the half that matches him.”
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Not my soulmate
The notion of a twin flame is not the same as a soulmate.
While a twin flame is thought to be someone who shares the other half of your soul (together you are, in theory, whole), a soulmate is simply someone you share a dramatic spiritual connection with (and perhaps have met in past lives).
They are a kindred spirit, of sorts. Unlike a twin flame, you may have many soulmates throughout your life. Also, a soulmate is always a positive experience.
Psychotherapist Babita Spinelli writes:
“…twin flame relationships can quickly become toxic, unlike a soul mate connection. In a twin flame relationship, your twin flame may mirror your own issues, unhealthy habits, or imbalances.
“In addition, when twin flames are apart, they may have a hard time functioning…You may also end up defining your self-worth by the relationship…a soul mate is a person ideally suited as a life partner or close friend.”
I had certainly met my twin flame. He was not my soulmate. I often felt like I was with myself when I was with him. Like we were really born of the same spark.
The separation phase (most difficult)
After the initial excitement of the early stages of the twin flame journey with, (let’s call him) Mr.X, I began to feel a strong and almost sudden emotional purge. Within myself.
I started questioning my purpose, more deeply and purely.
I began feeling old past traumas and wounds arise. I would see his wounds as well, and feel them as if they were mine.
I was more aware of and focused on our differences and grew impatient with him, and with us. I started feeling as if I was losing control, like I was losing him.
I panicked and felt a dark shadow sweep over me.
What I didn’t know then, but I know now, is that we had entered a really important part of our twin flame journey: the separation phase.
In his article for Hack Spirit, founder Lachlan Brown mentions that the separation phase is “sudden and distinct. Both flames are left confused and filled with sadness.” And from my experience, he is right.
“People suffer from pain and call it evil, yet in reality it may be growing pains of the Spirit-the changing of the body into a finer and more spiritual substance.”
~ Henry Thomas Hamblin
You have definitely heard of the term ‘growing pains’ before. This term was first coined in 1823 by a French physician, Marcel Duchamp (not the artist), to describe the actual pain children would have during physical growth spurts.
However, over the years, the expression has evolved to also include the pain of spiritual growth.
In his article for Spirit Science, writer Steven Bancarz describes the five growing pains felt during a spiritual awakening as:
- Losing friends
- Having misunderstanding with the family
- Feeling mocked by society/ostracized
- Career change
As my twin flame, Mr. X, and I started to enter the separation phase, every one of these pains washed over me. I began to question the types of people I was letting into my heart and mind. I cut the cord from many “friends”, or people I no longer felt a genuine and spiritual connection with.
I started reflecting on my purpose and passions in life. I felt really overcome with sadness and when we indeed separated, I couldn’t imagine how I was going to be without him.
This wasn’t a needy feeling out of codependency or desperation. I really felt like I was losing half of myself.
So how did I finally move on?
With the help and guidance of an incredible workshop by world-renowned Shaman Rudá Iandê, I discovered 5 powerful ways to shift the focus from my twin flame towards myself.
These 5 methods helped me to not only stop thinking about my twin flame, in a sense of loss, but also helped me really move on and discover my true self.
5 ways I stopped thinking about my twin flame and moved on
1) Recognizing you are whole
I think the biggest issue with the concept of twin flame labeling is that we are so focused on the idea that another person completes us, we lose sight of the fact that we are complete and whole.
On our own.
When I made the decision to see myself as complete, I began to have more love and forgiveness for myself.
I started to heal my inner wounds and felt compassion for my twin flame’s wounds as well. My spiritual awakening was beginning.
This is scary and unsettling at first. When you abandon the idea that you need someone else to be complete, it initially leaves a gaping hole in your mind and spirit.
But with a dedication to this idea, slowly that void begins to close and the healing begins.
It’s important to know that your twin flame is also whole, without you.
I found that so many of Mr. X’s traumas were exposing mine. Past experiences were resurfacing and I was forced to face them but I needed to do this without him.
He wasn’t yet healed either and he needed to continue on his own path.
The purpose of the twin flame journey is to heal, both inner and past pain. This is why we are presented with a mirrored image of ourselves.
“If you love something, set it free.”
~ Richard Bach
Making the decision to see yourself as a whole is giving yourself permission to be strong and to be resilient and is the first step to moving on from your twin flame attachment.
2) Sitting in discomfort
We have been conditioned as a society to escape from pain.
We hide behind our smartphones, we jump from one relationship to the next (I’m guilty!). We binge watch, we shop, we eat, we don’t eat, we drink. We do anything and everything to distract us from feeling discomfort.
But ask any woman who has given birth, and they will tell you that pain is essential to creating life. If you want to grow, expect bumps and bruises.
The same goes for emotional pain.
When I was fighting against the necessary separation from my twin flame, I continuously grasped at things or people to feel that void. I was so afraid of feeling uncomfortable and being faced with my own past trauma.
But in order to know how to fix a problem, you first have to identify it. Which meant, I needed to face the inner wounds that my twin flame helped bring to the surface.
I needed to sit in the discomfort and allow myself to feel everything and I did just that.
When you take time to feel your emotions during your twin flame separation, an incredible thing can happen. You begin to experience a deep level of compassion for your twin flame. Because their wounds are a reflection of yours, having compassion for them is also having compassion for yourself.
This is how healing unfolds.
In a brilliant interview, Ideapod founder Justin Brown discusses the journey of healing and finding purpose with the Shaman Rudá Iandê. Rudá writes:
“By connecting with such pain around me, and for being conscious of my own pain, I’ve developed compassion. Compassion doesn’t mean feeling sorry and forgiving from a place of superiority.
“Compassion is deep, emotional consciousness, coming from the awareness that we’re all in the same boat.”
I started having an appreciation for my twin flame, instead of longing or agitation. I began to see my pain as a learning experience that taught me to feel compassion for his journey as well as mine.
I no longer felt alone.
3) Taking responsibility for your words
One of the most powerful ways I was able to move on from my twin flame into my spiritual awakening, was by really looking into the way I spoke to myself.
It has been said that your words engender your reality, meaning, words become you.
Negative self-talk can not only prevent others from ever really seeing the real you, but it can also limit your growth and healing.
So often we use phrases like “I’m damaged” or “I can’t be without them” or “I’m not able to be alone” and what that does is create a narrative that we are all of these things.
I began really diving into my breathwork practice and started contemplating the words I spoke to myself and about my twin flame.
Breathwork is an ancient healing modality of using your core life force, your breath, to awaken your inner self.
I’ve been a meditator and a breathwork facilitator for many years but it was only at this pivotal time in my life of twin flame separation, that I truly began to understand how incredible this type of practice can be.
With active breathwork, you begin to release and focus on trapped emotions, pain, and you begin reframing how you view and talk to yourself.
If you’re interested in experiencing the power of breathwork, click here to give it a try.
This practice has changed my life and allowed me to finally change my inner words from negative self-talk laced with shame, fear, and rejection to words of love and acceptance.
4) Set boundaries for yourself
One of the biggest ways I was able to move on from my twin flame was by setting boundaries for myself.
Often we set boundaries for others to follow.
But creating boundaries for yourself means evaluating your true needs and desires and not compromising that out of fear, convenience, or pressure.
This does not come naturally to most.
When I had made the decision that I was whole on my own, I knew that meant I had to accept my weaknesses and flaws. I also knew that I needed to examine my core beliefs and values and create an outline for me to follow.
I began to cut cords with certain people who didn’t have the same vibrational frequency I wanted to be on. I started to say “no” more often.
My environment was beginning to match my intuitive passions and desires and I was attracting like-minded people and opportunities.
In creating boundaries for myself, I began thinking less of my twin flame in a sad sense and really saw my experience with him as a powerful lesson.
5) Cultivate self-love
The final way I was really able to stop thinking about my twin flame and really move on, was by cultivating a strong sense of self-love.
This totally sounds like a bunch of buzzwords, I know.
But really, when you take the time to truly experience your spiritual awakening and learn who you are and what your purpose is, you will feel an enormous sense of trust in yourself.
Trusting in yourself is the key to self-love. But it requires the willingness to accept pain and heal.
Your twin flame and you may be reconnected in a union, or you may not. And that is okay, because when you find and see yourself as whole, complete, and worthy of love, you won’t feel as if you have any half missing.
I can tell you that my journey of spiritual growth has been difficult but worth it. I am so happy in my own skin and see my twin flame with gratitude. I am able to value them from afar while I’m loving and cherishing myself.