How to fall out of love with someone? 23 necessary steps

Falling out of love with someone can be one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do. But if you know which steps to take, it might not seem as bad.

You see, falling out of love with someone is a perfectly natural, understandable process. It does not have to be a negative experience – although, for many, it is.

The key is to be prepared for what it takes to fall out of love with someone you still have feelings for.

I’m not going to lie to you; you’ll have to make some serious effort to get over this person. However, by following the necessary steps, you can make it easier for yourself.

Here’s what you need to do to fall out of love with someone:

1) Take some time to accept and process your feelings

Can I be totally honest with you? Falling out of love is going to take longer than falling in love.

If you think about it, falling in love was a much quicker process. In fact, so far, most of us have only experienced falling in love with one person.

The feelings of falling out of love take longer to develop. This process is more complicated and takes more time to mature and be processed.

But why is it so?

When you are trying to fall out of love with someone, you are being faced with a process that involves two things – your feelings and your perception.

In other words, you need to realize that you are trying to change how you feel about someone AND how you think about them.

Changing how you feel and changing how you think are two totally different things.

So, if you find yourself in a place of trying to fall out of love with someone, try not to judge your feelings by your thoughts. Let yourself feel what you feel.

It will be easier if you can work on your thoughts at a later stage – when the feelings have settled down a bit.

2) Think about the things that went right and wrong

Look, I know the last thing you want to do is replay your relationship in your head. You just want to get over this person.

However, this step is necessary because you need to come to terms with what happened. This includes the good moments and the bad ones.

It is important to recognize what was good and what was bad so that you can, later on, understand why the relationship did not work out.

The reason? You will be able to recognize what you want and don’t want in a relationship. Also, by doing so, you will be able to let go.

So, spend time thinking about these things:

  • Where did the problems start?
  • Why did they start?
  • Were there any particular issues that caused problems for you two?
  • What were the things that you enjoyed about your relationship?
  • What made your relationship healthy and what made it unhealthy?

Remember: It is okay to feel bad about this process. It is okay to cry over it, too.

3) Try to spend some time alone

I’m sure you keep hearing that you need to stay busy and distract yourself when you want to get over someone.

But, is that really the best way to deal with this?

Well, it depends on how you look at it.

What does it really mean to distract yourself?

Basically, it means tricking yourself into thinking that your ex is no longer on your mind and that you’re doing great.

In reality, though, you are stuck in your own head. Your mind is still fixated on this person and you’re struggling to get over them.

So, instead of distracting yourself from yourself, why don’t you try spending some time alone?

Dealing with this on your own will help to put things into perspective for you.

You will be able to realize that, believe it or not, you’re really okay without this person.

This step is necessary because if you do not take time to concentrate on yourself – even if it means spending some time alone – then you will keep getting caught up in thoughts or conversations with your ex. And, soon enough, thoughts about the relationship will start making their way back into your mind.

4) Get advice specific to your situation

While this article explores the main steps you should take to fall out of love with someone, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like impossible love stories or unrequited love. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

5) Express your feelings in writing, out loud, or talk to someone

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This is something you can do even before you’ve taken some time to process your thoughts and feelings.

You see, some people find it easier to talk to someone else about their thoughts and feelings. Or they write them down in a journal.

I know that it’s hard to express all the things you’re feeling in words. But sometimes, it helps bring clarity and relief, too.

Writing, or talking to someone else can help you understand what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling that way, and even how to get over it.

Sure, that’s easier said than done. But I assure you, it will be worth the effort if it helps you fall out of love faster.

6) Don’t even think about contacting this person

Want to know another necessary step that you need to take to fall out of love?

Don’t even think about contacting this person.

I know you might be tempted to call them, text them, check their social media pages, or even see them in person.

But don’t do it.

It will only complicate things and make you feel worse, too.

At the end of the day, you’re better off not contacting them at all. And that is a totally understandable and realistic position to be in if you are trying to fall out of love with someone – someone you still love.

In fact, removing them from your life as much as possible is a really good idea. It will help make it easier for you to move on and forget about them.

So, delete their number, unfriend and unfollow them on social media, and more.

7) Don’t try to stay friends with them

Except in some very rare and extenuating circumstances, you should not try to stay friends with someone you are trying to fall out of love with.

In fact, that’s the last thing you should do because it will make falling out of love harder.

So, regardless of what your ex or this person is telling you, you should not back down on this.

For example, if they tell you that they want to be friends with you, don’t commit to the idea or even agree to it.

By agreeing to something like that, you are closing yourself off from the possibility of falling out of love with them.

Don’t do it.

Stay away from them, or at the very least, detach yourself from them.

8) Reevaluate your idea of love and relationships

Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?

Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…

When you’re dealing with the need to fall out of love with someone it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.

I want to suggest doing something different.

It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.

In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.

As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.

We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about ourselves and unloved.

We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.

We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.

We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.

Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.

While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to falling out of love with someone who wasn’t right for me.

If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships, and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.

I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

Click here to watch the free video.

9) Don’t keep things that remind you of this person

Are you serious about falling out of love with this person?

If you are, then you will need to get rid of the things that remind you of them.

I know that this might be hard for you to do – especially if it means throwing away love notes, gifts, and other reminders. But it is necessary.

You need to remove everything that reminds you of this person from your life so that they’re not there to bring back memories every time you see them.

This includes their clothes, pictures, and other memorabilia.

In time, you will see that doing this will help you get over them faster.

10) Don’t take all the blame for what has happened

Since you are in a situation that requires you to fall out of love with someone, you might be tempted to take all the blame for what has happened.

A word of caution: You might have to think twice about this!

Yes, it’s true that you might have played a role in the downfall of your relationship. But so did your partner – if not more so.

They also played some part in the issues you two had, and so it does not help to place all the blame on yourself alone.

By doing so, you will not be able to let go of the guilt or regret that you might still be feeling. Therefore, falling out of love will become harder.

What next? Identify the reasons that led to the demise of your relationship, and build on those instead of looking down on yourself.

11) Find a new hobby that makes you happy

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Let’s say that this person you want to fall out of love with was your main activity in life.

If that’s so, then you need to find a new hobby that will take the place of your old one.

This might sound silly at first. But, trust me, it is a necessary step as you work to fall out of love with them.

Doing this will help fill up the time that you would have spent with them and instead put it towards something constructive – like taking guitar lessons or learning how to play volleyball.

Your options are virtually endless. If you’re out of ideas, I can give you some examples: martial arts, writing, cooking, painting, drawing, sculpting, traveling, dancing, or exercising in general.

So, make sure that the new hobby you choose is something you truly enjoy. Otherwise, it will not be as fulfilling as you need it to be.

12) Try to learn as much from this experience as you can

How can you turn a negative experience into a positive one? Make sure you learn something from it.

After all, once you fall out of love with someone, you will want to be sure that you don’t make the same mistakes again in your next relationship.

So, dig deep and try to figure out how you could have played a role in things not working out between you and your ex.

What could you have done differently? What should have been different about the relationship?

Learn from this experience. Dwell on the positive lessons you’ve gotten from it. And don’t fret about the negative ones.

13) Don’t get back together with them

This might sound like a no-brainer, but it’s actually not – especially if you’re still in love with your ex.

If that’s the case, don’t get back together with them under any circumstances.

Stop it right away before things move forward, and before you give in to their wishes to reconcile and make things work again.

Try to keep your head straight. And, if you do have the urge to get back together with them, then talk it over with a close friend or family member first.

It’s important to talk about this – especially if you are in love with this person and want them back in your life.

Sometimes it helps to get an outside perspective on things, and that’s what you need so that you can be sure that you’re making the right decision.

14) Avoid meeting common friends or colleagues

Falling out of love with someone is not going to happen unless you really remove all reminders of them from your life.

If you want to do that, then the last thing you should do is go out with common friends or colleagues. Why?

Because there is a good chance that you will end up talking about your ex and how things went down. Also, they’ll probably mention this person without realizing it, and you’ll be reminded of them again.

Therefore, try to avoid situations like this as much as you can. And if you must go out with common friends or colleagues, then make sure that the conversation is about something else – not your ex!

15) Spend time with people that support you

Want to know another necessary step that you need to take in order to fall out of love with someone? Rely on your friends!

If you’re having trouble gaining some perspective on things, then ask your friends to help.

They might be able to help you realize:

  • What went wrong between you and your ex, and why did things fall apart;
  • Why the relationship wasn’t going to work out;
  • How you can avoid making similar mistakes in your next relationship.

It doesn’t matter what they say, really. In fact, you don’t even have to talk about these things if you don’t want to.

The main idea is to surround yourself with people who support you no matter what you’re going through.

16) Fall in love with yourself instead

When a relationship doesn’t work or when we need to fall out of love with someone for various reasons, the best thing we can do is fall in love with ourselves.

How can you do that?

The best way would be to start doing things that make you happy and realize how valuable of a person you are.

There is no need to rely on other people to give you this insight or to boost your self-esteem. You do that on your own, and it’s completely up to you!

Don’t shy away from this challenge. By accepting it, you will find yourself growing in leaps and bounds.

Want some practical tips? Then, make sure that you:

  • Stop comparing yourself to others;
  • Stop being negative about yourself when you don’t need to be;
  • Start taking care of yourself by sleeping well, eating well, and exercising;
  • And boost your self-esteem by finding other activities that you enjoy.

17) Know that it will take time, but it will happen

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Is this the first time you want to fall out of love with someone?

If it is, then it’s natural that you might get discouraged.

Don’t worry about that. And don’t worry about when – or if – your heart will stop hurting and when things will start going your way.

Instead, just focus on taking these steps every day and not giving up until you’ve realized your goal.

Realize that it will take time. And realize that you need to be patient and persistent if you want to achieve this.

But, in the end, you will fall out of love with them for good.

18) Stop living in the past and observe the present

Many people who are trying to fall out of love with someone notice that they keep thinking about the past. They keep reminiscing about their happier days and can’t help but dwell on their memories.

But, if you want to fall out of love with someone, you need to stop doing this.

Instead, focus on your present – the things that are going on around you right now and what’s happening in your life today.

Don’t think about the past because it’s too late for that now.

It’s time to take the present into consideration and make it count.

You can do this by:

  • Choosing to spend time with family and friends;
  • Increasing the number of things you do to improve yourself – such as exercising, reading, and watching films for a change;
  • And, doing activities that you enjoy doing.

19) Say no to a rebound relationship

If you’re really trying to fall out of love with someone, then focusing on a rebound relationship won’t help.


A rebound relationship is when you start dating someone else because you want to fill the void left by your ex, and that’s not going to help.

What you want is different.

You want to move forward and fall in love with another person rather than be with someone else just because you don’t want to be alone.

Therefore, avoid dating someone new because of the wrong reasons. Do it because you want to give yourself a chance to meet someone new and be in love with them, not in order to replace your ex.

Remember that time heals all wounds, so don’t rush things either. Rushing will only make the process take longer.

Instead, focus on yourself and on other activities that make you happy. And you’ll be amazed at how fast everything will move forward.

20) Work on your appearance to boost self-esteem

Why are your appearance and self-esteem important in the process of falling out of love with someone?

First, instead of focusing on them all the time, you start focusing on doing things for yourself and on improving the way you look.

You start making yourself feel better about yourself by taking care of your appearance and grooming. This will help you to feel more confident because you’ll start to look better than before.

Second, this step works wonders because it will boost your self-esteem, which is important because it will help you to feel better about yourself.

There are many things you can do in order to work on your appearance. You can:

  • Get a new haircut or hair color;
  • Buy clothes that suit you;
  • Walk more or start exercising;
  • Take care of your skin, nails, and body.

21) Start planning exciting activities for the future

Having something to look forward to is also necessary for the process of falling out of love with someone.

Why? Because it will help you move forward and feel better.

You need to plan ahead and start looking into activities that you can do so you can show yourself what amazing things life has in store for you.

Write down a list of things that make you happy or that you enjoy doing. Use this list as a reference for your future activities.

What are some ideas?

  • Going on holiday;
  • Buying a new car;
  • Starting a new hobby;
  • Getting in shape.

22) Don’t obsess about your ex-partner

This step is a cliché and you know it, but it’s one of the most important steps to take when you’re trying to fall out of love with someone.

Why is that?

Because if you don’t let go of thoughts related to them and don’t stop thinking about them, then the process won’t work.

The point is that you need to realize that obsessing over them isn’t going to help at all.

What’s the best way to do this?

Make a list of reasons why you can’t fall out of love with this person.

Now, take a look at them. Are your reasons really that important?

Be honest.

If not, then it might be time to let go of your thoughts about them.

23) Make a list of reasons why it’s great to be single

Truth is, being in love and part of a couple are amazing experiences. However, being single has a ton of advantages I bet you’re not even considering right now.

Well, that’s too bad! Let me tell you some of them:

  • When you’re single, you’re free to do whatever you want without having to consult anyone.
  • When you’re single, you can spend time alone without feeling guilty.
  • When you’re single, you don’t have to worry about anyone else’s needs but your own.
  • When you’re single, you can do whatever you want without having to be responsible for anyone else.
  • When you’re single, you don’t need to share your time and money with anyone other than yourself.

The list can go on and on because the advantages of being single are numerous. The point is that if you’re trying to fall out of love, then it’s important to know that there are positive sides to being single as well.

How do you know if you fall out of love with someone?

So, to know if your efforts are working, what signs should you look out for?

The best way would be to track your efforts.

How can you do that?

Track your progress by keeping a journal and writing down what and how you’re doing every day.

Also, make sure that you keep track of any changes that you notice in yourself, so you can know if falling out of love with someone will become a reality for you.

So, what are the signs?

  • You’re able to talk about your ex without getting sad;
  • You think of them less and less often;
  • You have a lot of energy, and you always want to do new things;
  • And, you’re able to focus on yourself for once.

When you notice these changes, then that means things are working.

What should you do when things don’t work? You should try to keep doing these steps.

And, you might need to read this article over and over again until your efforts start working. But don’t give up. Keep trying.

And, know that no matter what, you will fall out of love with them sooner or later. And you will be happy about it.

Final thoughts

This article has taken you through a variety of steps and resources to help you on the way to falling out of love.

While some of these steps might seem like common sense, it’s important for you to know that you can use them to let go and move on.

Once you are able to do this, then it will be possible for you to fall in love with someone else in due time without having anything holding back your true emotions.

Picture of Daniela Duca Damian

Daniela Duca Damian

I’m Daniela, a passionate writer with an academic background in journalism. My work is based on research and facts. In recent years I have focused on the study of interpersonal relationships, analyzing, and writing about aspects related to social connections, romantic relationships, but also personal development. My goal is to decipher the most confusing concepts so that anyone who is interested in living a better and fulfilled life can apply them. When I’m not writing, I challenge my friends with meaningful questions about life.

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